I cheated on my boyfriend. Is there anything that can be done? I'm not looking for sympathy, or anything like that. I see the hurt and pain that I've caused him, but I know there are people who have been able to work through these things... I just want some advice, not a bashing from anyone because that's not going to help... I'm already doing enough of that as it is...

I don't know how you can fix this. With his friend you hurt a lot of people.

I think you have to put this down to. OK I've lost him but I won't make the same mistake again,

Even if he does take you back. Whenever you get into a fight its just going to be thrown back in his face.

Id have to say good on him for not taking you back :) you couldn't have loved him if you did what you did.

I have no sympathy for people like you :) you get what you give girl
Enjoy it. ;)

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This has been so hard and has taken a toll on my mental, emotional and physical health.

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You cheated because you were selfish, and now your suffering, because you are selfish. Try for a minute, to imagine how your partner feels.

~EDIT~ I typed something about how TrueFaith should have been more tactful here... but on second thought, I needed to delete it because as brutal as it is, its true.

Cmhearns... Darlin, TrueFaith is right. Brutal. But dead on. You've broken a sacred trust that when broken, is almost always irreparable. I really don't know how you're going to be able to fix this... or if your ex is going to want to try and fix it.

You said that its "taken a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health"... its done the same OR WORSE to your ex. I can't imagine a guy I was with cheating on me with one of my girlfriends. That's almost ultimate betrayal. Sure, you may "be able to be intimate", but you're not going to experience the true bond of a relationship - because that bond is trust and faith. I'm sorry.

I think you need to concentrate on you for now. This is not something that you "fix." Its something you ask forgiveness for, suck up, and NEVER do again. Don't try to win him back...

You need to do some serious soul-searching. You're not ready for a relationship with this guy, or anyone else.

I'm sorry for your pain. But more than that, I'm sincerely sorry for the pain that you have caused this man. He did not deserve that.

Learn from your mistakes, Darlin.

I would suggest counseling for both of you. Together, if you want to work on the relationship, and individually so that you can figure out why you cheated and he can work on healing emotionally. You may not be able to save the relationship. You broke his trust. Trust takes time to build and isn't something you can fix overnight. Not to sound harsh, but you made the bed, now you are going to have to lay in it. I think counseling will help both of you, not necessarily get you back together, but help.

Im not going to hate on you for cheating. But you need to figure yourself out because it is clear you have issues if you can do that to someone you claim to love. Im not saying you don't love him, people make mistakes, but like said above you are being selfish thinking about how you feel right now apose to your ex. Id say tell him your sorry and walk away. Let him be because every one knows you are just going to do it again. History repeats it self even if we try not to, it just does.

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Originally Posted by cmhearns

I cheated on my boyfriend. Is there anything that can be done? I'm not looking for sympathy, or anything like that. I see the hurt and pain that I've caused him, but I know there are ppl who have been able to work through these things...I just want some advice, not a bashing from anyone because that's not going to help...I'm already doing enough of that as it is...

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Now being as this strikes close to my recent experience I'm going to try and be objective. How long were you guys together? If you care about him best thing imo(and what I wish would have happened for me) would be to talk to him. Apologize obviously. He may not accept it, he may not want to ever talk to you. All you can do at this point is tell him how you feel, and give him space if he needs it.

I am sure there have been a lot of people in this world who have worked through something like this. But the fact is chances are you might do it again. You can't know what love is trully about if you are a cheater, or have cheated. Reminds me of a quote "once you put on the crown of a liar, you can always take it off, but it will always leave a stain"

You seriously hurt the trust in your relationship and that is something that is very hard to get back. It takes A lot in this world to make someone change.

I think I'm missing something from everyone's else's posts. But like it was said before you might have to chalk this one up to 'things I shouldn't have done' and not do it again.

Cheating is never and answer, never a solution. It hurt's the people who trully care about you, ruins things that can't be fixed, and causes more problems then its worth.

Every relationship has BOUNDARIES.
Generally the first boudary is THOU Shalt not Cheat. You did. You not only did, you did it with a friend of his. Man that is a double slap in the face.
It is not pride that stops him from forgiving you. It's his own self worth. He should be commended for having the self esteme to say, I will not accept this as reasonable behaviour.
You missed your opportunity with this person. Probably won't find somebody like him again. If you do, I suggest you wise up and fast.
If he does accept you again, his standards would have dropped and he would not be the person you respect.

Now I didn't know about the friend thing. Ouch. Now I agree with austprod you missed an opportunity. And he is a smart/wise guy to not take you back. But I disagree, IF (big IF) he takes you back I don't think that is saying he is stupid or something. He obviously has a lot of forgivness, and love for you. And if your one of the lucky LUCKY few who get that 2nd chance. You would be REAL wise not to repeat this mistake, and realize how much you hurt him, how much part of that pain will always be with him now, and realize you have to WORK for his trust again.

He takes you back this time he isn't a quitter and believes in you, don't prove him wrong.

He takes you back and you do this again and he takes you back again he is a fool.

For the people who think if he and I got back together that I'd cheat again, you are completely mistaken. This was the first time that I have EVER cheated on someone I was with. NEVER AGAIN will I put a person through the things I have put him through. There are people who have cheated and learned there lesson before so history doesn't always repeat itself. And if you'd like proof I'm putting myself out there NOW. Many people think he would be stupid or a fool for taking me back, and I disagree. I'm not a bad person. I made a bad choice and he's stated that to me before as well.

You say you won't cheat again, but it is going to be pretty hard to convince him after this. You may have to take this as one of lifes lessons, and move on. It sucks to hear but you created this situation and will have to live with it. If you do get back together odds are there will be a deep mistrust that will keep creeping up.

Yep I Agree with madaman.
I had an ex who told me she cheated. I was crushed. I would lay beside her every night knowing she had been with someone else. It was unbearable. EVERY NIGHT.

To rub salt into the wound I found out she didn't, it was a ploy for me to travel 18ookm's to get her. Now is that Emotional Blackmail. I ended it for the 1 1/2 years of mental pain she put me through.

In this guys case it isn't a lie.

You are very capable of protecting yourself, coming up with your own answers. Good for you. Thanks for putting yourself out there. That's truth.

Someone who cheats is not selfish, well maybe, but cheating is primarily dishonesty. If you want to try out different guys, that's human. Doing it behind his back, that's dishonest.

If you two get back together, I hope he can be human enough to accept that you are not perfect yet. We're all working on that one. It's human and acceptable to screw up. We are all forgivable, all the time. Go forward with your life, forgive yourself. Be honest, all the time! Note, I did not say, be tactless.

Well,

If he has any ounce of dignity he would leave you, regardless of his amount of love for you.

The best thing you can do is to sit down and talk with him. Tell him some of the voids in the relationship that made you do it and really focus on filling those voids.

Or.

You could say "look, what I did was so wrong and I am so hurtful of it that I don't think it's a good idea for us to be together, I just need some time to soul search." this could work, he will see you pulling away and it maybe create some anxiety causing him to "chase" you... but you have to be willing to walk away.

You need to ask yourself why you cheated, maybe you weren't getting what you needed from him and maybe you never will. Cheating also goes hand in hand with low self esteem, it's not an excuse but you might need to check on that... especially if you are planning to get into a new (or old) relationship. Being deceived by someone you trusted and loved hurts deep, some people can move on yet others are cut so bad or are not prepared to trust again, he will always bring it up whenever he needs to, do you want to relive that mistake over and over?

It's true :( Some guys just can't forgive something like this.. I cheated on my man too, not once, but three time! Each time I was drunk or angry at him for something.. I look back & honestly don't know why I purposely sabotaged my relationship like this, but I did & now I am living with the fact that he did finally walk away...

I say work on yourself, dig deep & try to figure out why you did it... & then be honest with yourself about what you're searching for in a relationship...