My wife has recently met some new friends. One particular guy woh is also married but finacially better off then my wife and I. well they have been talking and feelings have risen for one another. My wife thinks she want to separate so she can be better off financially. We have both been through a nasty marriage in the past. We have 2 kids of our own and 2 step kids (on both sides) We have been married over 11 years.. this women is my world. I admit I never caught a break in life as far as money goes.. but we are not that bad off. We have a house, 2 new cars a fantastic family. We started with nothing... I want my marriage to get back to where it was. Sexually and emotionally...

You say she wants to leave you for him but how does she know he wants to leave his wife for her. Often times a married guy will say they want to leave their wife to be with another girl BUT when it comes down to it they don't. Your wife could be living in an unrealistic dream world.
Money isn't everything. I raised 4 kids myself on less $12,000. A year. My sister and her husband together made $65,000. A year and they weren't all that much better off than I was. It is all in how you learn to budget your money and making priorities.

What's she going to do if she did leave you and marry him and find out she was miserable?
The grass is always greener until you get there.

Getting her back where things were could be hard because even if she abandons her desires to be with this guy you will keep wondering if her heart is still with you and you are going to have to overcome a lot of hurt she is causing you.
If you pressure her to stay she will resent you work it out somehow.

Have you ever heard of Retrouvaille Marriage Retreat, it's a retreat that gets married couples back on track and back to there roots. It teaches you how to dialoge in a non-threatning manner,Me and my wife have gone through it many years ago and it helped our marriage, we were in a situation very similar to yours. We've been married almost 20 years now thanks to this program. And no money is'nt everything, in fact I think it wrecks more lifes than helps them. Look Retrouvaille Marriages up on the internet for more information, I'm sure it could help your Marriage.

Tell her "The grass is not always greener on the other side, you just need to water your own lawn"

You could just let her go and graze on that other side. She might not find it so attractive once she gets there. This guy is married - you know where his money is going to go if he gets a divorce - to his wife and children. He may be looking for a shelter of his own and your wife might not be so welcome after all.

I always think marriage counseling is a very good thing BUT both have to want it and then agree to work through the problems. If it is only one-sided, forget it. If she leaves you for this other guy - you better have your own ducks in a row. Find out your legal rights. Why should she come away with the house and half of everything and child support, et. al.

Be proactive here, not reactive.

Let her do what she wants. When she finds out what the divorce will cost she won't be going anywhere.

I wouldn't suggest the let her go and see approach... there are kids involved and that decision will affect them much more than people think. If it was just a hubby and wifey go for it, but I think more calculated decisions need to be made when impressionable young minds are in the mix. Just my opinion.

I'm wondering how the woman feels about herself? To believe that money will make her life so much better, or that she is entitled to some "better" life than what the two of you have built seems to point to some major personal issues as far as how she values money over the relationship.

Hope she's not looking for the fairy tale rich prince that is going to come along and make her life wonderful.

Have the two of you tried marriage counseling? Does she want to try to keep the marriage going?

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Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

. This guy is married - you know where his money is going to go if he gets a divorce - to his wife and children. He may be looking for a shelter of his own and your wife might not be so welcome after all.

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Yep the other guy could end up poorer than what she has now!

Actually, financial woes are the leading cause of all divorces. For some people money is everything but there are people who put love before the money. I understand your love for your wife but you have to love yourself. Stop trying to save your married she telling you that wants to be with someone else because he is in better financal position.

This situation can only continue going down hill.

The grass appears to be greener on the other side... then you realize it's astroturf.