I am puzzled a lot...
My wife... she honestly doesn't have sexual urges. Earlier I used to get mad at her thinking she's purposely trying to irritate me. But I have seen that even if we have freetime she just doesn't feel like having sex. She's just 33. She rarely has an orgasm. Also when she has orgasm her head goes dizzy. She doesn't like me sucking her boob / nipples, rather she doesn't allow me to do it. Its nearly a month - we were having so many opportunities to do it - she just doesn't. At the most she will lay her head on my lap for five minutes and get up. She says if you want me to giv you a blowjob I will give it. But honestly she doesn't feel sexy. I have gone mad - why she is this way. She doesn't even like me caressign her boobs. She doesn't even change clothes in front of me. I confirmed she doesn't have an affair. She will do everything try everything to make me happy - food, help me etc - but when it comes to sex she is as if she just doesn't have a body or feelings or sensations. Any senior woman to answer me ?

I have to ask did this happen when you were dating? Or did just come out of the blue with this. Feeling sexy and wanting sex for woman has more to do with themselves than it does the guy. How does she feel about herself?

Second, has she went to have doctor because there is a could be a problem medically. She gets dizzy when she climax! Was there sexual trauma in her life?

If you are in a married she has to work at trying to get over this roadblock. Being with someone that does want you sexually is crazy.

Some woman have very low libidos. It is frustrating for her as well. You said she tries everything to make you happy. She may know that something isn't right and is trying to compensate for it.
Has there been a change like maybe she just had a baby?

I dealt with this for along time. There was a time that I just didn't want sex, my body tensed up and it was painful. I knew it wasn't healthy for my marriage. I had a lot of the same things going on that your wife does. I hated the way I looked and I didn't want my husband to see me looking disgusting. In my mind I thought if I hated the way I looked, why wouldn't he?
I finally went to the doctor, it was embarrassing - but it had to be done.
There isn't much they can actually do - nothing that is really appealing. Male hormone injections... I could have grown hair on my chest, but hey, the sex life would have been great. Not a welcomed trade off.

She actually put me on anti-depressants. Turns out I have PMDD - which is a severe form of PMS.
Did it fix the problem? Not 100%, but life did get better and our sex life improved.

Also, examine what goes on outside of the bedroom. Are you doing what YOU need to do? My husband would come home from work - tired, jump on the computer to "decompress" not really participate with the family. We would get into bed and honey, he was ready. Well, that turned me off. It made me feel like - if he couldn't talk to me or acknowledge me outside of the bedroom - then he wasn't getting acknowledged inside the bedroom.

*Just something to think about*

She might want to be checked... there are certain physical and mental conditions as well as medications that can cause this. Most can be treated. Depression is one of them.

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Originally Posted by NowWhat

Some woman have very low libidos. It is frustrating for her as well. You said she tries everything to make you happy. She may know that something isn't right and is trying to compensate for it.
Has there been a change like maybe she just had a baby?

I dealt with this for along time. There was a time that I just didn't want sex, my body tensed up and it was painful. I knew it wasn't healthy for my marriage. I had alot of the same things going on that your wife does. I hated the way I looked and I didn't want my husband to see me looking disgusting. In my mind I thought if I hated the way I looked, why wouldn't he?
I finally went to the doctor, it was embarassing - but it had to be done.
There isn't much they can actually do - nothing that is really appealing. Male hormone injections....I could have grown hair on my chest, but hey, the sex life would of been great. Not a welcomed trade off.

She actually put me on anti-depressants. Turns out I have PMDD - which is a severe form of PMS.
Did it fix the problem? Not 100%, but life did get better and our sex life improved.

Also, examine what goes on outside of the bedroom. Are you doing what YOU need to do? My husband would come home from work - tired, jump on the computer to "decompress" not really participate with the family. We would get into bed and honey, he was ready. Well, that turned me off. It made me feel like - if he couldn't talk to me or acknowledge me outside of the bedroom - then he wasn't getting acknowledged inside the bedroom.

*Just something to think about*

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I tried to be withher, helpher. She willl get close etc but no sex

Have you talked to her about this? Told her how you were feeling? Does she even realize that this is a problem for you? (I am sure she does)

When you do these nice things during the day or after work - do you expect sex that evening? Do you get upset if you don't get it? Now I am talking about the course of an average day.
Be careful if these things are happening. She may start to feel that the only reason you are doing nice things is to get laid.

She thinks of herself as a servant, a pleaser, a drudge... not as a sexually vibrant woman. In fact, perhaps, she doesn't know the joys of being orgasmic. All her energy goes into her job/work... cooking, cleaning, helping, managing the household. I can't help wondering if you treat her like a servant or if you treat here like a wonderful wife. How do you treat her?

I'll think about this for awhile and get back to you.

My partner doesn't like her breats kissed, caressed, or fondled with until she is ready. Usually... this is long after I want to "play" with her...

Likewise... I love it when she bites my ears or neck... but I want her to wait... too soon and it is not as intense... do it later and it really amps up the moment.

Do you spend any time on her sensually? Not sexually... sensually.

As in, do you spend an hour rubbing her down from neck to toes? Do you spend time, and I mean slowly spend time, kissing her legs, thighs, and lower back...

My experience is this... the more time I spend on my partner being sensual (NOT SEXUAL") the more she responds sexually.

i have to get into her head before i get into her pants.

i have to make her pull me toward her because she needs to feel my skin against hers.

if i take her to a hot blues bar, and dance with her like im an her lover, shes more likely to treat me like a lover.

im not saying you are doing things wrong. i am saying you might need to mix things up.

ive dated women who were so flippin easy to get off it was amazing... and then ive dated women who were just not interested.

you said she doesnt reach orgasm easily. what about oral?

i can tell you, after thinking i knew all there was about getting a woman off orally, i was wrong. each woman is different, and even then... they might need different things at different times.

my opinion is the more i can get my partner off first, the more shell be interested in keeping me from climbing the walls. not saying my drive is less than hers... mine is probably 2x hers... but communication is kay, and some "wins" on her side can keep her interested.