Ask Me Help Desk - Letting Go Really Difficult

Well after reading through one particular post I realized that I have a problem, which I'm hoping people can help me out with. For some reason I have a really really difficult time letting go and moving on after a relationship is over. I don't have a problem with keeping NC, my last relationship ended about a month and a half ago and I haven't even bothered trying to contact the ex. But I just can't stop thinking about her and it's beginning to drive me crazy. I always stay busy (I have two jobs) and on my free time I go to the gym, hang out with friends, or do something I like. But for some reason I still can't stop thinking about her. In fact a lot of times I end up thinking "I wish she was here enjoying this with me."

The scary thing is that my relationships aren't particularly long. The longest was 4 months and this last one only lasted about 3 months, yet every time a relationship ends I have a really hard time letting go. I haven't had many relationships because I am extremely picky about the girls I decide to date so when I do find someone I click with I put all my heart into it. Unfortunately when the relationship ends (I'm always the one who is dumped) I just have a real hard time moving on. For example, I was in a relationship about 2 years ago that lasted 4 months and after it ended it took me a year to get over it. No joke.

It's not an issue of me not having confidence and not being happy alone. In fact I am very confident with myself and when I finally move on I truly enjoy the single life, so much that I am very hesitant to get into a relationship (remember I'm picky). Why is it that I just can't let go?

You can't let go because you think you can't let go. Just tell yourself, "I don't believe that anymore. I can let go." Every time you think 'I can't let go' you are re-enforcing that belief. Of course you can let go. It's just like letting go of a pebble and allowing it to simply drop at you feet as you walk away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confused25

Well after reading through one particular post I realized that I have a problem, which I'm hoping people can help me out with. For some reason I have a really really difficult time letting go and moving on after a relationship is over. I don't have a problem with keeping NC, my last relationship ended about a month and a half ago and I haven't even bothered trying to contact the ex. But I just can't stop thinking about her and it's beginning to drive me crazy. I always stay busy (I have two jobs) and on my free time I go to the gym, hang out with friends, or do something I like. But for some reason I still can't stop thinking about her. In fact a lot of times I end up thinking "I wish she was here enjoying this with me."

The scary thing is that my relationships aren't particularly long. The longest was 4 months and this last one only lasted about 3 months, yet every time a relationship ends I have a really hard time letting go. I haven't had many relationships because I am extremely picky about the girls I decide to date so when I do find someone I click with I put all my heart into it. Unfortunately when the relationship ends (I'm always the one who is dumped) I just have a real hard time moving on. For example, I was in a relationship about 2 years ago that lasted 4 months and after it ended it took me a year to get over it. No joke.

It's not an issue of me not having confidence and not being happy alone. In fact I am very confident with myself and when I finally move on I truly enjoy the single life, so much that I am very hesitant to get into a relationship (remember I'm picky). Why is it that I just can't let go?

I hear you. It just takes a lot of time and depends on the person. Hey, I was in a 5 month relationship, which took me probably a full 4-5 months to get over (probably hastened by finding someone new).

The following 5 month relationship is taking much longer to get over (I'm still not over it. I had to literally delete him from my life) and we broke up 3 months ago (and I'm the one that dumped him). Ironically, he moved on in a week while I am here on this forum. Hahaha. So like I said, it all depends.

There is nothing wrong with you. It's only natural to be heartbroken and invest time, energy, and heart into someone. As odd as this may sound, it's what makes us human.

I know the tendency is to think this way--"I can't let go"--but you can. You've done it before. You can do it again. This attitude will only hinder your efforts, not facilitate them.

Good luck! (You can do it)

When you fall, you fall hard don't you? Don't let it throw you, since you do end up letting go, and do find someone else, so don't worry over it. We all have our quirks, and that's what makes us unique. Don't make it a bigger problem in your own mind, than what it is.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

When you fall, you fall hard don't you? Don't let it throw you, since you do end up letting go, and do find someone else, so don't worry over it. We all have our quirks, and thats what makes us unique. Don't make it a bigger problem in your own mind, than what it is.

Yes I definitely fall hard and that could be an understatement. I'm trying to find a way so that no longer happens.

Letting go is hard. Actually, letting go is the pits. But hon, we all have to do it. For whatever reason, she broke up with you, you broke up with her, it just didn't work out... whatever it is, the process of letting go is never easy.

The best thing to do is to immerse yourself in those things that make you enjoy spending time with you. I don't mean that in a schizophrenic, split personality way, nor do I mean it to have any type of "other interpretation"... I simply mean, that darlin, you have to be comfortable in yourself before you will ever be able to let go of anyone else... or be in a successful, long-term relationship.

Falling hard isn't necessarily a bad thing... that is, if you fall hard for someone while still retaining your grounding in who you are as an individual. Its when people lose themselves in their significant other that it starts to get depressing. You have to realize that you are an amazing person BY YOURSELF... separate from another person.

Not sure if this helps any, but get a big sense of self-worth before you start in on another relationship. You'll have infinitely more to give someone if you know who you are.