How do I decode what my ex is really thinking or saying?
Hi all.
I'm new to this, but have read some of the feedback and think your advice will help me cope with my recent break up.
Just a brief recap on what took place towards the end of my relationship...
Things were great between my boyfriend and I, we were in love, and he spoke of marriage and kids in our future. Lately we were having more disagreements than usual but we sat down, spoke and decided we wanted to work it out.
However, two weeks ago out of the blue he tells me he went from being completely in love with me to not loving me anymore and claims he fell out of love over the last couple weeks of the relationship. How is that possible?
However, when he broke up with me he said to give this a few weeks and maybe there was still hope for us because he did care a lot for me (we had a four year relationship and I'm 28 and he is 30).
A week after the break up he called to see how I was doing. I got a message from him today once again just to see how things were. I decided to call and ask if he had given us any thought and his answer was that he hasn't thought at all about us, has been very happy and doesn't see us ever together in a relationship in the future. He also said many hurtful things that I rather not speak of. The one thing I will say is that he seemed irritated and kept telling me that I wasn't very expressive of my love for him and he ended by wishing me luck in finding someone else because, in his words, I won't find some else like him and now a days some men are only looking for one night stands.
So my questions... if he no longer cares, then why would he care what other men may or may not want with me? Why was he upset and throwing in my face all I apparently did wrong in the relationship if he is so happy without me? Can you really fall out of love this quickly with someone you claimed you were completely in love with? Or do you think he is teaching me a lesson...
I say this because when he spoke of marriage and kids I told him I did not want kids within the next few years because of my career, and he didn't like that too much. I am an independent woman and I agree that I should be more expressive of my emotions. We had a one week break about three months ago and he claims that didn't help me put in the extra effort in the relationship and that I should have known this was coming because he said a couple times that if I didn't change he would leave.
I see my mistakes but can't be held entirely responsible for what led to the break up. He is addicted to his job and the gym and I always was understanding of that and accepted it. All I do know now is that I am heart broken because he initially (two weeks ago) said there was still hope and I told him I still loved him very much and would be here when he had thought things through and was ready to come back so for the past two weeks I have been holding on to that hope but now he says its final. So I question, now that he has the upper hand and knows that I still care, is he just trying to show me what life would be without him and will he come back? Otherwise why would anyone who claims to be over you get upset while talking to you on the phone two weeks after the break up?? Yet, he wants us to remain friends and emphasized that if I need anything he will do whatever he can to help. I just wonder if because he is addicted to work, it's only been two weeks and he has been able to completely focus on that alone but once more time goes by, will he realize that work isn't enough...
Can someone please help me make sense of all this. I am heartbroken and confused. I would love a second chance with him but wonder if the best thing to do is move on and forget him and I am aware that it will take time to do so. Any advice would be great. Anyone maybe go through something similar? I've been speaking to my family and friends but you know how that can be, they see me hurting and tell me to move on because we deserve better. So maybe the opinion of a third party not involved would help better clarify what's going on here. I apologize for the length of my story, I just thought that the more info I provided the easier it would be for you all see what's going. :confused: