Ask Me Help Desk - Am I weird for finding this annoying?

This is vaguely a religion question, but I'm posting it here because I don't want it to turn into a big religious discussion! :rolleyes:

I'm an almost completely non-religious Jew. However, my name is very semetic and I have that stereotypical Jewish "look", so it's hard to conceal my background. When people meet me, they are forever asking what nationality my name is, so then I have to tell them Ashkenazi Jewish or Israeli, alternately. Anyway that's no problem, I'm not ashamed of who I am...

What annoys me is, once people find out I'm Jewish, they inevitably make some inane Jewish-related comment, like, "OH so do like the musical Fiddler on the Roof? I just LOVE it... I always cry at the end!" or, "Why don't your people believe in Jesus Christ? I've always wondered that!", or (this was the worst ever), "Have you ever been to Auschwitz? I heard that you can still smell the bodies burning!" Then there's this friendly older couple who, whenever they see me, mention their friends, who I've never met, who live in Haifa (Israel). The last time they saw me, they went on and on about "what nice people Jews are". Now there are some nice Jews (I think I'm a nice Jew, LOL), but there's some pretty nasty ones too. Just like any culture.

I guess people are just trying to find something in common with me, something to discuss, etc... but I find it annoying and slightly rude. Like, if I met an African American person I wouldn't be immediately saying, "OH I just LOVED "Roots", or "What do think think about the underground railroad?" or "Do you know a good recipe for Southern Fried Chicken?" I would look like a total idiot, not to mention a tad racist.

Well I guess I'm just wanting to vent... any thoughts on the subject?

Quote:

Originally Posted by orange

"Have you ever been to Auschwitz? I heard that you can still smell the bodies
burning!"

WOW, what disgusting person who ask you such a thing? Thankfully no one has ever asked me that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by orange

"what nice people Jews are".

Yes, you are nice. :p . But I do agree with you, there are some really bad Jews out there and some really weird right wingers. Try following those orthodox Jews for a while.

Quote:

Originally Posted by orange

Like, if I met an African American person I wouldn't be immediately saying…..or "What do think think about the underground railroad?"

Lol.

Orange, I agree with you 100%. When people ask about me and my ethnicity and all that, I simply say I am Canadian. Be it, English Canadian, but still, Canadian. I am not much up on all this where you from, etc. I was born here, so were my parents. Canada is my home, no other place.

Do your “adoptive” parents or Alex's parents or anyone make you sit through all the high holidays? There is another section of Judaism, which is obvious from my family. I call it the hypocritical Jew. Someone who participates in the high holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Passover, Chanukah) and nothing else for the rest of the year. However, from talking with non-Jewish friends, I have discovered that this occurs in all religions.

You got the Jewish look eh? Big nose? :p

I wouldn't sweat the small stuff.

Comeback with a question instead of answering their kind insensitive question.

Just say your American or wha tever country your from.

I always find that a funny comeback is the best way to disfuse it.

Most people are just trying to make conversation.

I personally would be interested in Jews - Customs, and their beliefs but it is just because I am always interested in others beliefs and thoughts and opinions about it. I have always been open minded, and love when other people tell me about themselves. As I share myself with others. As far as the jokes and other things you mentioned yes, I personally would find that very rude and probably would not take it well.

Joe

I agree with wildcat, I think people are just trying to make conversation. And probably really don't mean anything by it. But I do think people don't really think about what they are asking when they open there mouth, and that's when I think it comes out kind of tacky. I think by them asking you why Jewish people don't believe in jesus christ could be a valid question and one purely out of curiosity. But when they ask you if you have ever been to Auschwitz or any other bizarre question like that, I think people just don't really have a clue as to ask you something without it sounding rude and tacky. I do see how you would find that annoying, but I wouldn't take it too personally. Just as long as the comment doesn't have predjudice undertones.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

As far as the jokes and other things you mentioned yes, I personally would find that very rude and probably would not take it well.

I feel that the things that these people have said to you, is bang out of order and not even close to been funny.. :(

No you are not the least bit weird for finding things like that annoying. The first thing I get asked by a lot of people meeting me for the first time is " what ethnicity are you? you look so exotic. You can't be all white." Um well I look as white as forest gump. I do have a very small amount of Native American but I sure can't tell. Maybe they have some sort of built in radar that detects those things.Well you should hear some of the stuff that comes up when I mention the native american thing. Now I just tell them Im Georgian.

Thanks everyone! After your reading all your responses I thought of a couple of things... first of all, I get so annoyed because this happens VERY often... like I'd say once a week (I meet a lot of people). And secondly, why it happens a lot I think is because there are not many Jews where I live. In fact, this is a distinctly non-Jewish part of Canada. So yeah I guess people don't realize what they're saying, and are curious and uninformed because they've never met a Jew... that's another thing people say to me, haha... "You're the first Jew I've ever met!" It's still pretty common around here to say "Jew me down" when someone is trying to cheat you, and also just to say someone is a Jew if they're dishonest. Once someone even didn't believe me that I was Jewish, because they thought all Jews were black! I'm not saying everyone in my area is stupid like this, but in my experience it's not uncommon.

Being interested in Jews is cool with me. But it's weird when you just meet someone and the first thing they ask is why you don't believe in Jesus. Like, "Oh, pleased to meet you... You're a Jew? Why don't you believe in Jesus?" I don't know about you, but when I first meet someone I usually ask them what they do for a living, or discuss the ever-changing weather patterns. So yeah the Jesus question and other such questions are fine, but there's a time and a place for them I think. Most of the new people I meet come into my studio, where my art is displayed. They could just as easily discuss my art as a conversation starter, rather than my background.

And as far as the nationality thing goes, people don't usually ask me what my nationality is... they ask the nationality of my name, which is Chava. So, I can't tell them it's Canadian, haha. No one would buy that. So I say Jewish or Israeli and then people take one look at me and put 2 and 2 together, LOL. Yes CaptainForest I definitely have the nose, the curly hair, and apparently "Jewish eyes" too... err. So a triple whammy. :rolleyes:

Quote:

Do your “adoptive” parents or Alex's parents or anyone make you sit through all the high holidays? There is another section of Judaism, which is obvious from my family. I call it the hypocritical Jew. Someone who participates in the high holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Passover, Chanukah) and nothing else for the rest of the year. However, from talking with non-Jewish friends, I have discovered that this occurs in all religions.

Well no one makes us sit through the high holidays services, but we go to "make an appearance". Errr... guess we're hypocrites LOL. Mostly we go because of Alex... he's a doctor, and there are several other doctors at the synagogue, and he wants to get to know them outside of the hospital. The synagogue is a good place to do that. Plus since there are so few Jews in the city, it's one way that we can "keep in touch" with "our people". I don't know what's going to happen when the baby is born though, because if it's a boy I'm reluctant to get it circumcised! :p It is rather strange for me though, because I was raised in several foster homes and they weren't all Jewish. Plus I've dabbled in other religions as an adult. Just getting used to the whole high holydays thing, the hours of tortuous praying.. LOL. It's so LONG... and there's so much food afterwards!! But at least no one seems to mind if you talk during the service! :D

Anyway thanks everyone... I appreciate it! :)

Thanks crankie... you too eh? That's rude... I'm starting to think people just haven't learned any manners from their mothers or whoever, and that's why they say these things!

This reminds me of a skit that David Cross did on one of his comedy CDs that I have. He was speaking of staying at a friends house and when it was time for breakfast the mother saids to him, "sorry ta ask ya... i jus dunt know a lot about ya'lls peoples... and i wanna make a breakfast we all can eat. Do ya'lls peoples eat oatmeal???" LOL Hes like "yes, of course.. why wouldnt we eat oatmeal??" "I jus dunt know a lot about ya'lls peoples.... i DO know that ya'lls hate Jesus... I know that much...." It good stuff.

I also, like crankiebabie, have been asked what ethnicity I am, and the exotic question always comes into play. I have really dark hair and light brown eyes but porcelain skin. I get everything from Are you hispanic? Italian? Im actually Portuguese and Irish. So I have quite a different look from the averege American apple pie. My madein name was Alves, which is a very common name in portuguese. But people always thought it was hispanic. Now I married an Italian guy with a very Italian name and people always just assume Im Italian. So I think a lot of people can relate to you, Orange. It seems like society always questions the ones who don't look like your "everyday average run of the mill type". I use to hate not having the all American look, I always wanted the blonde hair and blue eyes growing up. But you know what is the biggest compliment? Men have told me that they like the fact that I have a differnent look. Its kind of nice that us girls who don't quite "fit the mold" stand out amongst the crowd.:p

Thanks crankie and bizygirl, you both sound pretty... I on the other hand, am not exactly exotic looking, haha. Oh, well, I'm getting married anyway, so my looks can't be that bad! :D

I haven't been online much the last couple of days, and I won't be on much in the following week either, as I'm getting ready for the big day! Thanks again. :)

Orange, Im very happy for you. You must be so excited, let us know how it goes. The best of luck and good wishes.

p.s. your so sweet, thank you for the compliment.;)

Everyone is secure in someway with their looks. You just have to accept who you are and what you look like and like yourself no matter what.

You have found someone who loves you for who you are and that's all that matters.

Congrats by the way and if you need any help or tips with co-ordinating your wedding you only have to ask. I am a full time wedding co-ordinator :)

Of course I will assume this is not "ALL" people but seem like it.

First "Fiddler on the Roof" is most likely the best movie ever done, I own a copy and watch it often.

With that said, people are by and large just stupid and what to say something friendly so they open their mouths before they brain works.

My wife is black and I am white, we have a 5 year old living at home.

People when Nate was small used to ask her all the time "Is he yours"
My wife is very dark black and nate is more my skin tone (while his is natural and mine is darkened from years in the sun)
She was ready to kill by the time nate was 2.

And people ask us if we know that couple or that couple because they are mixed marriage ( must be some club I was not invited to)

And the one they always ask me, are we going to raise him Black or White. I guess we will send him to the cottom field when he is six or something.

And then of course the clerks at stores and food places, they start totalling one of our orders like we can't be together

And then my wife was raised in a more upper level community up North, so she does not eat southern food, soul food or what ever you call it, or what people think of as "black food" so people can't understand we don't eat collard greens and chicken every meal.

So yes people are just stupid and it is the same if you are one nationality, race, handicaped or what ever.

I don't have an answer for it, wish I did,

I have never seen fiddler on the roof. What's it some guy that plays his fiddle on the roof? Doesn't sound very exciting to me. Whys he on the roof?

Not wanting to get too off subject but Fiddler on the roof is about the persecution of the Jewish people in Russia and their being forced out of the nation. It follows this one family and the changes in their way of life.
The idea is that there is a balance between tradition ( which gives life balance) and the changes happening in society, family and political life.

The balance is like a fiddler on the roof.

They say it a lot better at the start of the show. It has some of the best music.

Babe, don't let anything stress you out, especially right now, please!

My mother was a little German Nazi, my dad from Kentucky, and I have a nose that reveals some Jewish - even though my mother said not, but my dad's last name is Davidson -
I was schooled in military schools all my young life, where race, religion did not count, only rank. - So we used to hear 'oh, my dad is colonel so and so', and I had to live with crap like that all my life. I also wanted to marry a Jewish doctor who lives in Long Beach now, but my mom was against this - I could have been happier than I am right now, but that's life. I am ashamed of what my mother's country did in the past and still don't like it and live here anyway. We (you and I ) will survive anything - because none of what happened is or was our fault and if people can't finally understand this, then they have a problem, not you. Right now, another race is targeted out due to the bad apples in their countries causing terror all over the world, so you see, people always need someone else or something else to comment about to put their problems and/or issues in the background, and some are just plain curious. Next time you get some smart butt asking you questions, tell them you were too young, and that they have great literature in the library. And, of course, let it all out here, we'll be here for you 24/7 to help you. You just think positive about that young one of yours and your health and let the rest of the world do it's thing without you for a while. Lots of love and best wishes, Chery
P.S. Sent the coloring books out tonight, hope you got the messages from yousendit.com, if not, check this link and download them from here on post 7 of the thread.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showth...4540#post74540

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