Ask Me Help Desk - Dishonorable X

Hi,

Recently my boyfriend and I of 3 years split after I learned of his not so discrete indiscretion with a woman he knew prior to our meeting, or so he has stated.

In the fall of 2004 we were madly in love, I relocated to his neck of the woods with my 2 pre-teen children putting my house on the market, left my full-time job, friends and lifestyle of the low-middle-class, single motherhood. Initially, we rented a house but within 4 months he bought me my "dream house", my furniture was "inappropriate", thus given away and together we shopped and he purchased new furnishings, paintings, etc. He insisted I didn't work (thankfully, I keep a per-diem position however because of my relocation I had to travel 1 1/2 one way therefore put my career on hold) and provided me with a $4000.00 monthly stipend to which I paid all of the household bills with the exception of the mortgage and portions of my son's private school. I saved very little as he exemplified high morals, honor and was the most decent man I had ever met, not to mention we would soon be married. I had no reason to think I would ever need a "rainy day fund", I would have trusted him with my soul and in fact did. He gave me two very expensive sport cars, countless pieces of jewelry, clothing, paintings. He convinced my retired parents to buy into a portion of one of his properties as their summer home and promised never to place it on the market for as long as they lived, they invested 1/3 into this summer house.

Initially, he was very remorseful about his dishonorable behavior, however at this time he treats me as though he's the victim and I the perpetrator, he's become very vindictive. My son and I have moved from our dream home even though he insisted we stay until it sells as he has placed it on the market. I took the furnishings and we currently reside at my parent's partially owned summer home. At first he didn't care about the furniture, paintings, T.V. etc. and told me to "take it all!", now he wants it back. I have the keys to both of the sports cars he gave me and he now claims I can buy them from him as they are no longer mine, even though he knows I can never afford to purchase such high-end vehicles. However, he has never asked for the keys back and I have the only keys known to exist unless he choses to make duplicates from the dealership. He continues to provide me with a monthly stipend of $1500. (and aptly calls it guilt money) until "he" decides it will end and has stated he will continue to pay his 2/3 portion of the mortgage until 6/08 at which time my parents can either buy out his portion or he will place the summer home on the market. He refuses to face me even though I have been very civil under the circumstances, he simply e-mails me with cold demands.

I know because we were never married I basically have no property or financial rights. But because he gave me the furniture, cars, jewelry, paintings, clothing, etc. as gifts aren't I able to keep them? Do I have to legally surrender these gifts back to him? I am currently, desperately seeking full-time employment trying hard to put this devastation behind me and move on... when I get health insurance I will seek counseling but am certain I can not afford a lawyer. At this point not only are my son and I mourning a insurmountable loss on many levels but I'm not sure how I'm going to heat this house or buy groceries, we are quite literally down on our luck. What are my rights? Are e-mails omissible in court as someone's word of honor?

Sorry so long of a letter. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated, thank you so very much!

Jaded

A. If the cars titles are in your name he has no claim
If they are in his name you HAVE to give them back.

B. Anything he gave you as a gift is yours

C. Anything he bought for the house you might have to have a Judge decide

D. Anything you have already taken out of the house I would wait for a Judge to decide
If it was mutual property.

I agree with the previous post. Even if you can't afford a lawyer, call around and see if you can get a free consultation. Might be a good way to get some advice on the specifics. Where I live (midwest USA) we have this "Ask a lawyer Day" where local lawyers volunteer their time to help answer questions for people who otherwise couldn't afford an attorney. I think they do it several times a year. You might want to see if they do anything like that in your area.

No, unfortunately he never had the cars titled into my name, I only currently possess them and the keys... What does the term "possession is 9/10 of the law" mean?

Thank you both very much for sharing your thoughts!

"possession is 9/10 of the law" That means keep what you already have until a Judge sorts it out.

BUT IF he wants the cars back you have to give them back or he can get you for car theft.
The title is what they go by in that instance, not the 9/10th law.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

"possession is 9/10 of the law" That means keep what you already have until a Judge sorts it out.

BUT IF he wants the cars back you have to give them back or he can get you for car theft.
The title is what they go by in that instance, not the 9/10th law.

As far as the cars go you might still have a chance with them depending on how they are titled. Terms like and or joint all take a part in ownership. As far as items goes you will have to check your reciepts very carefully to see who spent the monies on what. From what your saying it sounds like this man is a flim flam artist so you might want to do a background check on him before you make decisions. You don't really know where he might have been with his money and this could be something that he does over and over again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

As far as the cars go you might still have a chance with them depending on how they are titled. Terms like and or joint all take a part in ownership. As far as items goes you will have to check your reciepts very carefully to see who spent the monies on what. From what your saying it sounds like this man is a flim flam artist so you might want to do a background check on him before you make decisions. You dont really know where he might have been with his money and this could be something that he does over and over again.

She said they are titled in his name. I figured if her name was on them she would have said so.
You are right if he stole or acquired anything illegally.

Thanks for your post califdadof3... I wish I could explain this man's sadistic/sociopathic behavior... He is a well-to-do, established professional with an impeccable professional background without a criminal record. As far as his previous relations, his x-wife of 2 years despises him.. his friends are life-long, few in between however do exist. The multiple properties he owns, cars, yachts, money, etc. and his profession are legit, his morality however is questionable and in fact quite corrupt. A side of this person I could have never know existed, all involved are shocked. But I do thank you for your input.