I really need some Advice, My son is 15 years old. He is doing well academically because I am on top of his school work , he could do better if it weren't for myspace and video games. My real problem is he's trying to be a teenager and I am too afraid to let go. There's just so much that can happen and I know , I had him when I was 18 years old, My son has always been a follower , I havw always told him to be a leader, he is easily peer presured. We live in a decent neighborhood , and yet he's seems to make friends with the wrong crowd.

Our conflicts our mainly about hanging out with friends , buying new electronic that as a single parent I can't, he has a play station 2 , he has a psp, computer & zune player . & phone , now he wants a playstation 3 , and a new sidekick, knowing that getting the psp was hard on me, he also wants playstation 3, we end up in these huge arguments, about everything. A lot times I find myself saying things that I shouldn't but he really tries me and pushes my button , my son is ungrateful, I love him and if I allow him he suck the blood out of me. His Dad is a dead beat and hasn't helped in the last 8 years, so what do I do? I can't let go of my boy, yet he so quick to say he wants to move with his father side of the family, who have shown him how cool it is to party and drop out of school , tattoos are okay, I am so afraid he will leave me to live with his father.

HOW can I making things better for my son?
PLEASE HELP ME !

I think he hates me , my younger son said he call me the be word .

Yep, you are his parent, not his best friend, and that is what you are suppose to be now, when he is 25, you can be best buddies, now be the parent and say no.

Next he can't just leave you to live with his father, assumign you have a court order for custody, the father would have to file in court for a change of custody.

Also what about child support, the dad should be helping to buy things, But in the end, he can live without a play staton 3, some kids don't have any at all, So time to stop letting him "suck the blood" and time to be the parent who stays on top of him, who checks his my space page every day, who checks his interent usage, who checks his cell phone usage, and so on.

Don't worry about the names he calls you. Remember the whole sticks and stones thing.

If I were in that position, I'd just tell him flat out that you can't afford it. He needs to be happy with what he already has. I know he won't be happy with that, but it sure would be better than being grounded from all that he does have if he doesn't get off your case about it.

You know why you make your decisions, and he isn't the parent. Don't let him guilt you into anything.

If he wants it so badly, he should get a job of some kind to help pay for it. Perhaps that since of responsibility is what he needs to develop.

I knew one parent who didn't like her son's attitude, so she took back or took away all of the things she had gotten for him until he showed a little more respect for her. She said it worked... along with the quote from her son, "If Momma aint happy, Aint Nobody Happy!"
He got the point.

Um... hello?

Why doesn't he get a job and pay for a PS3 himself?

He's 16--he can get a job. Maybe when he learns that money = work, he'll be less likely to want to just spend it all the time.

Plus--it'll teach him some responsibility, and maybe he'll have a little more respect for you.

And yeah--get on top of that child support crap. His dad doesn't deserve to get out of paying for his share. Maybe mention THAT to your son--that if his dad actually gave a damn about him, he'd be sending money to help with the expenses, and then MAYBE you'd be able to afford the PS3.

And--I like the idea about taking his current toys away. He has more than I do, and I'm 33 with no kids! My goodness, your son sounds pretty spoiled to me!

I am a teenager as well and my opinion is that for one stop giving him anything he wants my guess is that it has almost become expected of you to just give in and buy it. And when he is really giving you a hard time I would just take it all away but remember you do have to be smarter than a teenager don't put it where he can just go get it right when you go to sleep. And about the dad thing maybe tell him how if he was with him he wouldn't have anything like he does now so he should be happy

I'm 18 and I just moved out of my mom's house, but I did it because it was time. I am about to ship into the navy. My mom is single, my dad is very much like your son's father. And my little sister who is 14 has threatened my mom with the same stuff. "well, ill just move in with dad." it hurts, I know. I've had to comfort my mom, and it sucks. I have to admit, I did call her the be word when I was I don't know 14? And she heard me and slaped the hell out of me. That was the last day I said that. My mom got so fed up with it that she told my sister "ok. you can move in with your dad. ill help you pack." she went into her room, put her clothes in trash bags and her stuffed animals in another and told her that nothing else was leaving the house and that dad if dad agreed with her moving, he would buy her furniture. My sister protested. I know, from being her sister, and my mom knows that she didn't want to move out, the only reason why she threatened was to hurt our mom and to get what she wanted. She was also screaming deal with me, tell me what to do, but she didn't know she was saying it. My mom took my sister to my dad's house. She sleeps on a matteress in his office. And she is miserable, and we all know it. She knows it, but she is learning something really important, I'm not exactly sure what it is, because I'm not her. It hurt my mom to do it, but she did because she loves my sister. My mom feels like she lost both of her girls, even though she didn't lose me, I'm right here. My sister is tough, and she sounds exactly like your son. Little hints will not work with them. Sit him down. Tell him to not talk. And tell him in the most harsh and bluntest terms how you feel about his behavior, every so often do tell him that you love him, if he talks, tell him to shut up. And keep going. Compare his life style to the less fortunant. Tell him the situation you are in, and that he is in it as well. You may both cry. But nobody will benefit unless you do this. He will hate you for this, but he will get over it. And tell him he better start working. It will probably have more effect if you bag up all of his toys and put them away somewhere where he won't find it. And say that you will give it all back to him one piece, and wire at a time as he shows you respect and responsibility. And if he keeps saying that he really wants to move out, tell him exactly what kind of person his dad is and what will happen to him and that you will gladly bag his stuff and drop him off yourself.

And my sister is playing with the idea of asking my mom to move back in. I think she will before I leave.

I always used to get into fights with my mum when I was 15 hormones raging now I am 17 almost 18 I get along with my mum perfectly never argue and haven't since I turned 16 I guess its just the stress of skl etc and what not but if my mum butted in when I was playing Video Games I would be in a rage lol but that's how I was!

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Originally Posted by Josie_luv

im 18 and i just moved out of my mom's house, but i did it becuase it was time. i am about to ship into the navy. my mom is single, my dad is very much like your son's father. and my little sister who is 14 has threatened my mom with the same stuff. "well, ill just move in with dad." it hurts, i know. ive had to comfort my mom, and it sucks. i have to admit, i did call her the b word when i was i dont know 14? and she heard me and slaped the hell out of me. that was the last day i said that. my mom got so fed up with it that she told my sister "ok. you can move in with your dad. ill help you pack." she went into her room, put her clothes in trash bags and her stuffed animals in another and told her that nothing else was leaving the house and that dad if dad agreed with her moving, he would buy her furniture. my sister protested. i know, from being her sister, and my mom knows that she didnt want to move out, the only reason why she threatened was to hurt our mom and to get what she wanted. she was also screaming deal with me, tell me what to do, but she didnt know she was saying it. my mom took my sister to my dad's house. she sleeps on a matteress in his office. and she is miserable, and we all know it. she knows it, but she is learning something really important, im not exactly sure what it is, because im not her. it hurt my mom to do it, but she did because she loves my sister. my mom feels like she lost both of her girls, even though she didnt lose me, im right here. my sister is tough, and she sounds exactly like your son. little hints will not work with them. sit him down. tell him to not talk. and tell him in the most harsh and bluntest terms how you feel about his behavior, every so often do tell him that you love him, if he talks, tell him to shut up. and keep going. compare his life style to the less fortunant. tell him the situation you are in, and that he is in it as well. you may both cry. but nobody will benifit unless you do this. he will hate you for this, but he will get over it. and tell him he better start working. it will probably have more effect if you bag up all of his toys and put them away somewhere where he wont find it. and say that you will give it all back to him one piece, and wire at a time as he shows you respect and responsability. and if he keeps saying that he really wants to move out, tell him exactly what kind of person his dad is and what will happen to him and that you will gladly bag his stuff and drop him off yourself.

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I think that's way over the top!

Love hurts both, the one getting it and the one receiving it, esspecially in the parent child relationship. I may not be older but I have already seen the results of this situation in many of my high school peers and older adults. I do agree, it is over the top, but I've seen it before. I am thankful that I wasn't that way with my mom. But in the end I'm not telling this mom what to do. I am suggestining what my mom did. In the end it will be her decision.

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Originally Posted by Josie_luv

love hurts both, the one getting it and the one recieving it, esspecially in the parent child relationship. i may not be older but i have already seen the results of this situation in many of my high school peers and older adults. i do agree, it is over the top, but ive seen it before. i am thankful that i wasnt that way with my mom. but in the end im not telling this mom what to do. i am suggestining what my mom did. in the end it will be her decision.

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Fair point!

Thank you for seeing my point.

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Originally Posted by terellowens

I always used to get into fights with my mum when I was 15 hormones raging now I am 17 almost 18 I get along with my mum perfectly never argue and haven't since I turned 16 I guess its just the stress of skl etc and what not but if my mum butted in when I was playing Video Games I would be in a rage lol but thats how I was!

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thank you all for your suggestion and i have done some of the things you all suggested , haven't seen too much results, but a little improvement,

i did notice that in the last week , he was caught , lying 3 times, took 20 twenty dollars from my purse to buy a video game,

threw an egg on a moving car , and friends video taped it, smacked a helpless kid in the backof the head .

my son is trying to hard to fit in, and i feel he will wind up in jail,
=(:confused:

To: lulunyc74

My 15 year old son is also going through this difficult stage - well, he has been for a couple of years now - and it's the biggest test of good parenting I've yet faced. He is my oldest of 4, and has a terrible father - that's why I got divorced. My son is a high achiever in school, which I always commend him for, but he has a very bad attitude with his family. He is ambitious and capable of doing a lot because he is very talented, and smart, but life here at home with him has become miserable. He thinks that he has what it takes to be on his own. He hates following the household rules, and wants to be older - I tell him he WILL definitely get older, but it can't be rushed. I found him looking up information about emancipation, and it was hurtful to me. I wonder why he thinks it is so bad here when I've sacrificed so much to be an attentive and loving parent to all of my children. He claims that he just wants to "be on his own" and that it has nothing to do with how he feels about me. I am not convinced, because I remember being a child with dreams and goals, too, but I didn't want to leave my parent's home at 15. Now, I cannot afford to give him all of the things you have managed to provide your son with in the way of electronics and games, but he's not sitting in a boring corner all of the time, either. We do have some forms of electronic entertainment, and I take my kids out to fun places as much as possible. It's just not enough for him - he wants to leave us. I've been in touch with his school counselor to see if there is anything we can do together to help him appreciate that being a youth, under the protection of a parent, is best for now, and a good situation that he should graciously cooperate with. I'm not sure what will come of this, but it's all I can do to reach him right now. I've done the heart-to-heart talks many times, and he shows temporary respect for them, but as soon as I enforce a rule later, he's back to the moping around, treating everyone like crap, and talking disrespectfully again. I can't bend the rules for him; he has 3 younger brothers that will think they can do the dame thing. His father can't even take care of himself, much less my son. I can't sacrifice my son's well-being, just to let him find this all out the hard way. I'm in the same boat as you in that I'm not sure what to do. I realize that teenagers - boys and girls - all go through a tough hormonal time, and the good parent will suffer some blows to the heart as they do, but I'm worried that there is more to this. My son is so moody, and treats me like crap. What have I done wrong? I have been there for everything I could be, and am still trying to have a good relationship with him, but he responds to every attempt at though it means nothing to him, and he takes out his frustration on us here. I don't think he's a bad kid, but his attitude sucks, and I'm worried that the younger children will learn this disrespect from him. The only thing I can share that I feel is helpful - was helpful to me - is not to give up, though you may want to. Maybe in time - hopefully sooner rather than later - something will click for these boys, and they may come to see all that they've been taking for granted with their mothers - the parent that DID stay and took care of them. Best wishes... Natalie