Sounds bad.. I know.

Well, I work with her, and see her a lot during the day. We flirt a lot and I can almost always make her laugh. I'm pretty sure there's at least a spark, she steals glances at me during lunch but I'm just overall rusty on the game. We've hung out outside of work and in party situations, she will make physical contact, and she's even grabbed my hand - when the boyfriend was around. I'd totally go for it if she didn't have the BF (I'm talking relationship, not hit & quit)... thing is, she's been with him for like 5 years or something... all through college and into the real world. Now he's kind of the lame job guy, but they live together as of a year ago or so. I think she's thinking 'since I spent some of the best years of my life with him, I'd better stick with it'... Do girls think that way?

She drops hints of how she's "in a rut" or "things may not work out", but I don't want to become a doormat. More complications come with her friend group - I've met most of them, but they also have known him... longer. And change is just hard when it comes to friend groups and who you hang out with etc. Also, the whole 'dating the coworker' thing could be problematic (or extremely fun).

For some perspective: We're both mid 20s. I'm decent, she's hot.

Well, I'm a little drunk and I've never posted on the web about this kind of thing before. And wow, sorry - I feel like I've written a thesis at this point.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cloverlost

Sounds bad.. I know.

Well, I work with her, and see her a lot during the day. We flirt a lot and I can almost always make her laugh. I'm pretty sure there's at least a spark, she steals glances at me during lunch but I'm just overall rusty on the game. We've hung out outside of work and in party situations, she will make physical contact, and she's even grabbed my hand - when the boyfriend was around. I'd totally go for it if she didn't have the BF (I'm talking relationship, not hit & quit) ... thing is, she's been with him for like 5 years or something... all through college and into the real world. Now he's kind of the lame job guy, but they live together as of a year ago or so. I think she's thinking 'since I spent some of the best years of my life with him, I'd better stick with it'... Do girls think that way?

She drops hints of how she's "in a rut" or "things may not work out", but I don't want to become a doormat. More complications come with her friend group - I've met most of them, but they also have known him... longer. And change is just hard when it comes to friend groups and who you hang out with etc. Also, the whole 'dating the coworker' thing could be problematic (or extremely fun).

For some perspective: We're both mid 20s. I'm decent, she's hot.

Well, I'm a little drunk and I've never posted on the web about this kind of thing before. And wow, sorry - I feel like I've written a thesis at this point.

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First post = Double post! Sorry! Please delete, admins.

Hi Cloverlost,
Well, she probably does have some feelings for you from the sound of things. But she has a boyfriend, so no matter what kind of 'rut' she's in, you have to respect that and keep your distance. If she breaks up with him, then go for it. But while she's with him, you can't. Sorry.
In the meantime though, don't pine after her. Work on the friendship, get to know her, and get to know her friends. Who knows? She might even hook you up with someone better.
And if she does end her relationship, you can be there before anyone else.

All the best,

Kal

You do realize that if she were to end it with her 5 year relationship, it would come with some baggage, yes? She wouldn't be able to just drop all feelings. She would cry and be miserable for a while. She may also only be viewing you as a way out, sort of a crutch to help her get out of the relationship.

Even in your best scenario, she will be upset about her ex to the point where you may not stand it. She can't just break off a 5 year relationship and move on easily. It's not as smooth sailing as you may think. Hell, she might only be flirting with you for attention. There's too many "if's" floating around in this one. You should ask her questions, feel her out, etc. But even if you get the answers you get, don't expect it to be an easy transition.

Stay away, dude! I am in a situation now that you don't want to be in and could very well get yourself into if you get involved. I got involved with a co-worker who had a boyfriend. She was unhappy with him and we got close and were essentially a couple. She broke up with him because he put forth no effort and she didn't feel wanted or loved. After she broke up with him he started trying and guess what? I'm getting screwed. She was in the relationship for three years and I think her thinking is similar to your girl's (best years of my life, probably ought to stay). Best case scenario is that she gets out and is depressed for a while and you can comfort her and you guys end up together. I don't know what the worst case scenario would be, but if it comes to worst case, if it blows up in your face, if she drags you along or breaks your heart, you have to see her EVERYDAY. Please, help yourself and RUN!

Forget her, as she already has your nose open, and you hoping. Why can't you find a healthy available female, to have fun with, as this one is out of bounds, and in it for the fun. Want proof? Who does she go home to! Your wasting your time.

To play devil's advocate, I'll give you an example of a situation that did work out. My mom and her current husband met at work and were both married at the time. They both got divorced to be with each other and they are still together, but they lost a lot: his kids moved 20 hours away, they had to quit their jobs because word got out, and I doubt that they are going to last. I know it's tempting because she's there, it's easy, and the attention feels good, but an involved woman is like quicksand covered with flowers: The surface may be beautiful, but once you've stepped near it you'll likely drown.

Well said Braden, just to add, if she will cheat on her longtime live-in partner, why will she be loyal, and faithful to you? You can bet she tells him "I love you" to him daily.

Dude. Trust me girls with boyfriends flirting with other boys. There not worth it. They will do it to you in the end.

She says to him how much she loves him. Then goes and flirts with you. Just leave her alone and get that smug feeling. Say yeah I could get her but I'm not like that.

It's a great feeling.

Or if you really really like. Her wait. And if she comes to you one day and goes I've packed him in I want to make something with you. Great try

But she probable sounds like one of these girls that keeps all her cards in her hands. She will dumb a boyfriend while she is going out with another guy.


I've kind of had the date thing in the workplace and it was fun to start with. But it just gets messy. Its not worth it my friend :)

Good luck

I agree with TrueFaith. If the girl lies to him (and she'll have to if you get involved with her), she'll probably lie to you, if only out of necessity. This girl has been lying to us both the whole time; I don't think it's possible for anyone to be honest in a situation like that. And if the two of you got together, would you be able to trust that she wouldn't cheat on you? I don't know if I believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater", but sometimes it's true.

Your going to look mighty foolish to everyone you work with, if you let her charm you like a little kid, and stays with her live-in b/f. Just think of how you look now, with her friends.

Also in response to True Faith, I agree about her keeping all of the cards in her hand. She will have the upper hand in this because if things don't work out between the two of you, she has someone she can go back to, even if she's not happy with him. And from what you've said of her, she doesn't mind being unhappy. There are some girls who are actually looking for a permanent way out and some who just want a temporary fix because they feel low and want to know that they are still desirable. More likely than not, she's the second type, and you'll just be her bridge. And also remember that what goes around comes around. If you get involved under less than honest circumstances, it's going to bite both of you.