Hello.
I am hoping someone can give me some help / advice / guidance / hope!
I am in a relationship with a gorgeous man that I have been in for 16 months.
When we met, we lived in different towns and had wonderful times, usually seeing each other once in the week and all weekend.
I move towns to be with him and we have been living together for about 6 months. He is 35 and I am the first girl he has lived with. I have lived with two other people before which have both gone wrong!
I am a very independent person when I am single - part of what he fell in love with I think.
Now I find myself living in a new town, I have changed jobs and I am now doing one that I do not enjoy which is not helping because I am focusing all of my attention on him.
He says that I am smothering him.
When we first met, he was totally adoring of me and we both agreed and believed, and were swept away by our relationship, that we had met 'the one'
He has since been made redundant and started a new job which involves a long commute and makes him very tired.
When he gets home, I am so excited to see him that I guess I expect all of his attention to be on me. He says he needs 'him' time and space in order to give me what I need but, when we are both living in the same house and I am in a town where I have no friends, I am not sure how to do that. I do try but he will read the paper, go on the computer, watch the football, play on his xbox etc, it is all fine but not sure what I am supposed to do. I do not have any money as have problems there and I am trying to sort them out. I love him so very very much and I know that he loves me very very much too but I am scared that I am damaging things and maybe I may have done too much damage already.
I know he looks at other girls and in his new office there lots of them (I have heard him joking with friends about how this makes the day pass quicker!) and I am scared that because of the way things are with us, he will leave me for one of them or be tempted by them and the simplicity of being with one of them with none of the ties or emotional attachment.
My biggest fear is I have done too much damage
Part of me thinks that he is being unreasonable and he would never have treated me like this before which is I guess what evokes the feeling that things have changed and can I get him back
He says I do not give him time to miss me and I need to let him come to me?
I am looking for another job so hope that will help as I will have other things to focus on if I am in a job that I enjoy.
We talk about children and things and the truth is, until I feel things have messed up, I had no reason so be insecure so I do feel I have caused this. I have always been insecure in relationships.
I know no one really knows but would he still be trying if he did not want me?
Physically, things were a bit quiet for a while, we were both ill over Christmas and then got caught up with commute tiredness and did not make it a priority.
We have talked about this too and are going to try and make it a priority again as it is important and we do enjoy it together.
I feel totally battered at the moment emotionally and want to trust him / us again but I am scered. I really thought this was forever and I don't want that to change.

Sounds to me that you both are right in the middle of an adult relationship, with the customary ups and downs. You have said: "We have talked about this too and are going to try and make it a priority again as it is important and we do enjoy it together." Do you think relationship/marital counseling would be beneficial?

It sound to me like you are smothering him a bit. You might love him but you don't have to be with him all the time or thinking about him all the time. If you do you will have nothing to share with him and you will run out of conversations to have with him. Find some other interests, distractions, if you don't you are going to drive him away. Everyone likes to have someone they love around but not 24/7. Get out somewhere, anywhere away from his. Give him some space or you are going to lose him.

One word BALANCE, you must balance your life, to include things you enjoy without him. That way you both will have the space to be who you are, and not put added pressure on another, to make you happy.

Try NOT being home every day when he gets home. It feels differently to him to come home to an empty house (quiet - good, you gone - bad), and then when you arrive home 30 minutes or so later he gets to greet you! I know this feels way different for me, as a guy, to be home before my wife is. This has the added benefit of giving him a few minutes of wind-down time without feeling guilty.

So, without knowing fully what you do, get some stuff going on, girl!