Ask Me Help Desk - Miss my mum

Hi everyone,
I lost my mum in November after her being ill for a long time... I never thought I could lose her, and although she is now in peace I miss her so much and can't help thinking about what if? I spent a long painful two and a half weeks in hospital with her, until she just died... I was with her until the end, and can't get the hospital visions out of my head.
I just suddenly break into tears whenever I think about her, and can't sleep at night thinking about her horrible last weeks in the hospital.
Anyone out there with some help about how to get on?

I am sorry to hear this, Mary. I have not yet lost a parent, so cannot know the depth of your sorrow.

You need to express these feelings to people close to you. And while you do, be sure to talk of the things that celebrate her life: The wonderful things she did for you and other people, and how much people love her.

Grieving is necessary, but learning about it is important too. Do some reading about grieving for some other ideas that may be helpful.

I pray that Peace be with you, Mary.

Hi, Mary Blue,
I lost both my parents many years ago, and I will never forget them. As rickj said, talking about it with others will help tremendously.
It is a hard time, with many memories, and time will begin to help you get on with your life.
If you can, stay busy with your job, or whatever you do on a daily basis, being involved with it. Maybe even volunteer your help at the hospital, or other volunteer work. Being around others, talking with them, does help a lot.
I do wish you the best, and it will eventually get better.

I lost my father last week, at Thanksgiving he was still walking around the house ( he was living at a retirement home but we brought him home for the holiday) by Christmas he was too ill to bring home and he died shortly after the new year.

I also was with him when he passed on. And that memory is both sad and special since to many he decided to share it with me. I was told at the home that many of their residents will not pass on till you leave the room, don't know how or why but that was what I was told ( no proff or studies)
But I have that memory

What has keep me going is my religious faith that there truly is another place that we go. And that death is merely door that we must all pass though.
And of course as long as his memory and celebration of his life is in me, and my life is in others, a part of him really never dies.

But yes, some tears and saddness will be there to some level forever, since when they pass, we can no longer share our lives with him for a time.

My condolences to you Mary. Everything you mentioned is widely experienced by many people who have been close to the death scene. Of course you cannot help but think about it, I think it would be odd if you didn't. You have no time limit for your grief, you needn't feel that you should be over it by now. I know that you will never be 'over' it completely but as time passes the highly emotional state that you are in now will abate.
Your mother would not wish you to suffer for her sake. You know that. However you cannot control the thoughts that enter your mind. But what you do with them is a different story. You can relive the anguish over and over or you can simply let the thoughts pass through. Do not fight them, accept them and simply pass them out of your mind. At first they will be quite frequent but soon they will become less and less.
I certainly wish you the best. Be brave and fear not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary blue

Hi everyone,
I lost my mum in November after her being ill for a long time... I never thought i could lose her, and although she is now in peace i miss her so much and can't help thinking about what if? I spent a long painful two and a half weeks in hospital with her, until she just died...I was with her until the end, and can't get the hospital visions out of my head.
I just suddenly break into tears whenever i think about her, and can't sleep at night thinking about her horrible last weeks in the hospital.
Anyone out there with some help about how to get on?

Hi Mary,
I am so sorry for your loss, (HUGZ) I know how you feel. I watched my dad in the hospital and was there the minute he died, holdling his hand. It will take time and every holiday and birthday will be hard for the year to come. It just takes time. I'm here if you need someone to talk to... blessings to you, hun.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary blue

Hi everyone,
I lost my mum in November after her being ill for a long time... I never thought i could lose her, and although she is now in peace i miss her so much and can't help thinking about what if? I spent a long painful two and a half weeks in hospital with her, until she just died...I was with her until the end, and can't get the hospital visions out of my head.
I just suddenly break into tears whenever i think about her, and can't sleep at night thinking about her horrible last weeks in the hospital.
Anyone out there with some help about how to get on?

Hi mary

I to have just lost my mum on the 28th march 2007 she died of lung cancer. We all went through thinking that they had cut all the cancer out but apparently they hadn't. I was with my mum when she took her last breath and it has been the most traumatic thing. I don't know how to cope with the loss as she was my best friend. And to make it worse for me I had my third child on the 30th march so my daughter missed my mum by two days. I also can't get the hospital visions out of my head but it really is hard to because it was someone that you really loved who was in so much pain. I also cry at the drop of a hat it only takes one minor thing to remind you of your mum and all hell breaks lose. So just reme,ber your not alone out there. ANd if you want to talk even thought we don't know each other I will talk any time.

Best off luck
And try and remember all the good times instead of the sad

I lost my mum very suddenly on 14th Sept this year. I cannot come to terms with this and it is wrecking my life. My father is termially ill with cancer and my husband has had enough what do I do

You have to talk about your mother and your experience by her deathbed every day with others. This is the time to cry and wail about your loss so you wear yourself out and get all your emotions out.