Would like to file for a divorce but not sure where to begin. Here are the facts:
*we live in separate states
*we've been married 3.5 yrs
*two children
*recently quit working to care for the school aged children
*all the assets are in his name (all of it-cars houses-& business assets that he has with partners)
*children lives with me
*he travels and frollics while I care for the children:(
*no activity between us in over six months
Any advice would be helpful-hopelessly blue!

Get attorney do what they say.

In general, you will file for temporary custody of the children and a temporary order of child support pending the court case.

You file for divorce, there will be mediation asked for to try and work out of the division of property.

So first visit will be an attorneys office. If you have no money, check out the legal aid society in your area.

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Originally Posted by nattious

would like to file for a divorce but not sure where to begin. here are the facts:
*we live in separate states
*we've been married 3.5 yrs
*two children
*recently quit working to care for the school aged children
*all the assets are in his name (all of it-cars houses-& business assets that he has with partners)
*children lives with me
*he travels and frollics while i care for the children:(
*no activity between us in over six months
any advice would be helpful-hopelessly blue!

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If you read through the threads you will see the importance of consulting with an Attorney in the State where you reside to protect yourself and your children now and in the future.

The fact that you live in different states is problematical in that you will most likely file your divorce where your home is/was, when you were together. Courts have a jurisdictional requirement and the court that decides alimony, custody, visitation, child support, property division, and payment of debts must have jurisdiction over both him and the property. As the others said, you need to consult with a competent matrimonial lawyer.

You may be able to file where you are currently living, if there was never a court action where the two of you resided together... states are different on the amount of time you must reside there to bring a court action. Consult a local attorney first, you can usually get a free or reduced price consultation.

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Originally Posted by George_1950

The fact that you live in different states is problematical in that you will most likely file your divorce where your home is/was, when you were together. Courts have a jurisdictional requirement and the court that decides alimony, custody, visitation, child support, property division, and payment of debts must have jurisdiction over both him and the property. As the others said, you need to consult with a competent matrimonial lawyer.

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Not true in most States - you can file where YOU are residing as long as you have established residency and that varies from State to State. You do not have to return to where you lived together (if you lived somewhere else together) or travel to another State (where he is a resident) in order to file for divorce or return to where you married.

In NYS, for example, you must prove residency for one year.

As far as I am aware the State where YOU reside will have jurisdiction over all matters as long as YOU - the petitioning party - have established residency.

It would be an enormous hardship to have to pursue your spouse around the Country.

I don't believe the courts in NY will take jurisdiction of property in NJ, for instance, when the marital home is in NJ, and especially if the defendant is a resident of NJ. By the way, pursuing one's rights is almost always a hardship.

Begin with a good, experienced divorce attorney. (S)he will guide you through everything you need to do.

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Originally Posted by George_1950

I don't believe the courts in NY will take jurisdiction of property in NJ, for instance, when the marital home is in NJ, and especially if the defendant is a resident of NJ. By the way, pursuing one's rights is almost always a hardship.

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They don't have to take jurisdiction - they can order property sold (in another State) and the proceeds split. If you are in NY and he is in NJ you don't want to be awarded the marital home. You want it sold and the proceeds split - if that is the Court's decision.

I do a ton of background financial checks when a spouse is in NYS and the other spouse is in another State and not clear on the NYS spouse's financial holdings (that sentence confused even me!)

State to State divorce is not uncommon.

And, yes, pursuing right is almost always a hardship - and ALWAYS an expensive hardship and time consuming.

But this person owes it to her children to get the financial aspects settled as quickly as possible - and that involves a seasoned divorce Attorney.

After you talk to an attorney you also may find out that you need to go back to work or that you will be assumed as having income. Most courts frown on a parent quiting jobs to increase payments or ( decrease ) depending on which side your on unless there are circumstances that merrit it. All in all take the advice of the others and get an attorney or at least consult with one and see what's best off for your situation.