My sixteen year old son told me today he wants to leave home. This happened after I asked him where he sees himself in 1 year. We have been having quite a time with him for 2 years now - he uses pot daily and has for quite some time. I have found a multitude of drug related items and destroy them when they are found. I have told him over and over again NOT to bring that stuff into the house because that would be the consequence. He was kicked out of school this week for writing what was deemed a threatening post against a teacher on Facebook. His friend committed suicide just before Christmas and I know he is still grieving. The incident with the teacher stemmed from something she said or did about the boy's suicide. Anyway, I can no longer function - this situation consumes my whole life and I'm just ready to throw in the towel. I have approached Child and Family Services to find out what options are out there for someone in this situation. Financially, I cannot and will not support him but if this is what it takes, maybe it will be better for all. He has thrown our whole family in an upheaval. I feel he is depressed but will not talk to anyone. I have left letters with contact numbers for youth counsellors but he told me flat out he does not want to talk to anyone. He is a great hockey player and played on the hockey team but as a result of his suspension, he has been suspended from that. They wanted him off for the rest of the year as well and I basically pleaded with them to let him come back because it is the only positive activity that he participates in. Everything else revolves around drugs. He told me today he has no interest what so ever about going back to hockey and I think its because his coach told him that there was any indication whatsoever that he was continuing to use drugs, he would be off. The damn pot wins every time. How I hate it. No one will EVER convince me it is a harmless drug. I just don't know what to do - is it better to let him go and risk that he will never want any involvement with us as a family or should I keep fighting? I have found disturbing drawings and song lyrics that he has written - violent, glorifying drugs. Also, last night was the final straw. Found empty pill bottles under his dresser. They contained some sleeping pills (zoplicone)that his father used a couple of years ago (there are only 2 pills left and the bottle was half full) and empty Tylenol 3's as well. I confronted him about that as well and he won't talk. Please help.

Unless you can get him into some drug rehab program really fast you have probably already lost the battle. This form of behavior does not happen overnight, This has been going on for a long time. I would also suggest that you get yourself and the rest of your family in to counselling soon to learn how to deal with this kind of behavior. I could also suggest one of those boot camp places for him, but really not sure if they work or not.

He's grieving in a very bad way. In other words, he is angry and depressed and his grief will never be resolved this way. Drugs offer escape and peace. He has to be taught how to grieve.

Can you talk with him about ways to celebrate his friend's life? Encourage your son to write about his friend and the good times they had in sports and with mutual friends. Sit down with him and work together on this. Yes, the memories will make him sad, but that's what he needs to do, to remember and to grieve.

Also, what concrete things could your son do to remember his friend? My dad loved trees, so when he died, we planted a tree in his memory. Maybe there is something like that your son can do.

Your son's friend would not want him to act out this way. How could he act in a productive way? Maybe eventually join a suicide support group? Are there other kids at school who are also grieving over that boy's death? Contact the principal about this. Are counselors available to the school?

Finally, YOU go to a counselor and make sure your son knows this, that you humbly want to find more ways to understand all this.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. You have to get him in a rehab program immediately. There are organizations that will help with the costs if you need it. Contact local organizations in your community and talk to them about the different types of treatment. He needs to get over the drug addiction before it gets worse.

He is obviously grieving over the loss of his friend. It always hurts that much more when it is a suicide. People all wonder why, feel guilty even though it isn't their fault, etc. See if you can get him talking to a therapist about his friend's death. Even if he doesn't want to talk about it, they may be able to suggest other ways for him to let his emotions out. He can learn healthier ways to deal with the grief than self-medicating with drugs.

Here are some hotline phone numbers that I hope will help you.

National Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-488-4663
National Institute on Drug and Alcohol Abuse 1-888-644-6432
Marijuana Anonymous 1-800-766-6779
National Drug Abuse Hotline 1-800-662-HELP
Mental Health Info Source 1-800-447-4474
Help Finding A Therapist Hotline 1-800-THERAPIST
Adolescent Crisis Intervention and Counseling Hotline 1-800-999-9999
Be Sober Hotline 1-800-BESOBER

Here is a website that I thought had some good information:

Troubled Teens Resources

Continue talking to Social Serices. They can be a good source of information and might be able to help you get him into a rehab program.

Good luck and hang in there! Someday he will thank you for it!

If you throw in the towel in on your son, who is going to help him?