I was hoping for quick advice on this problem. My mother and best friends have decided to throw a baby shower for me. Very early on, they asked for my requests if any on planning the shower ( cake, decorations, theme, location,etc). I explained I would not like any planning done until I feel the baby is developing normally, which would be 2 to 3 months from then. After saying that, my mother proceeded to book a place & buy supplies for the party. I thought this was wrong, although I understand she is very excited. When the appropriate time came for the official planning to begin, my friends and mother again asked of my ideas, preferences for the party. I only specified that it be simple, tasteful, no character decorations or anything tacky, & my favorite cake. That was the last I heard about anything until my friends had to vent to me that my mother is being impossible with the planning. They agreed on a theme together, yet my mother has been buying decorations that do not go with the theme, refused to have cake I liked, etc. She basically been acting like a spoiled brat & has been down right nasty & dismisses any ideas that are not her own. She only wants things done how & when she wants.

How can this be resolved without exploding on my mom? I don't want my friends to think badly of her.

There's a rule book for baby showers? There has to be a theme? The cake has to be the prospective mother's favorite? The gifts have to be what she wants people to give?

All the prospective mother needs to know is the time and place for the shower. No one should be stressing her with details. Unless her friends are asked to help, they are to butt out. (They can give their own shower at another time. In this case, that might be the smart thing to do.) The hostess is in charge.

To be honest, you should just be grateful that you are receiving a baby shower. Not all moms-to-be get one. The important thing is that you will get one, and you will receive lots of gifts and things for baby, that you won't have to buy yourself down the road. Your mother was being nice asking for your opinions on the matter, really its all the hostesses decisions etc. she wanted it to be soemthing you would enjoy etc, and that's why she asked for your opinions. Perhaps your mother feels that you and your friends are trying to completely take over, and take away the priveledge of throwing this shower for you. And seriously, who cares what your friends think? If they don't agree, they can throw their own showers for you. Let your mom throw one for you without the drama and have your friends throw you a different one.

I was in the same boat just a few short months ago. I was grateful to be having a shower thrown for me, but my issue was the fact that my opinion was asked for, and when given it was thrown out the window. I guess I felt that if my family wanted to include me in the planning they may as well actually take into consideration what I want. I didn't ask them to throw the party. They offered, and they asked. I understand how your mom is being. I guess it just doesn't make sense to me about the cake. You asked to have your favorite cake, and if I were planning it I would want to make sure to have your favorite cake anyway. It just makes sense. That, and if I'm planning a party of any kind for someone in particular I want to make sure that I'm catering to what they like/need. As for the decorations, your friends shouldn't be including you in the drama. Who cares really? If your mom is buying things that don't go with the theme they all decided on, they need to speak with your mother about that, not you. This is supposed to be something you are to look forward to. If they bring all the drama to you now, all you are going to be thinking of when the time comes to have the shower is the drama. Tell everyone to stop bringing the problems to you. They need to figure it out. That's too much unnecessary drama for anyone who is pregnant.

A baby shower is given by a HOSTESS for the mother to be. While it is common and courteous for the hostess to get and listen to the wishes of the mother-to-be, its not required. The mother-to-be is nothing more than the guest of honor at the party being thrown by the hostess.

The real issue here is your friends. If they, along with your mother are planning this, they should leave you out of it and settle amongst themselves.

Stepping in the middle will not only make you seem ungrateful, but selfish. Your friends shouldn't vent this to you, but since they have already, gently suggest that they try to be patient with your mom... and drop it. Its not really your problem to get your friends and mother to get along or agree on anything.