I've been posting a bit on the NC calender thread and reading a heap of other threads to try and gain an understanding of what to expect/what I'm going through at the moment.

Basically I was in a relationship for 7 years with a girl who is awesome but it had just run its course. We both had learnt what there was to learn from each other and while it wasn't an amicable breakup we are sort of on decent speaking terms now and could be considered friends.

My next relationship was the polar opposite. It was really really intense from the word go, we worked together and both had pretty set rules about no go at work, but both liked each other enough to forgo that. She moved in with me (after living with some other guy) after 1 month and by the 3rd month was telling me how awesome I was and how she wanted to get engaged and was the happiest she ever was yada yada. By the 5th month it was all pear shaped.

Long story short, I put her on a pedestal and did everything for her which I guess was me also trying to rectify any mistakes in my previous relationship. But any little problems we had were never resolved. Anything I brought up as an issue was talked about to her friends and never really to me. All these little unresolved things led to her moving out.

Anyway, after 5 weeks of no-contact today I quit my job where we both used to work (she left a few months ago) and I received an email asking why I was leaving and if I am well etc and if I would be at work later today as she had to go in. I sent a short email stating I was happy to be leaving and moving to better things but unfortunately I would not be in to see her. I thought that was it and then I received this text message

"Hi, I wasn't sure if ud be out celebrating your new found freedom or not? I just wanted to wish you the best of luck. I hope we can catch up soon to get each others updates. I dont want us to never talk again unless you feel its easier for you. We were good friends once, remember? Enjoy the rest of your night :) "

I guess its pretty plain that she doesn't want anything more than friends (unfortunately) but my question is why? What do I hope to gain by keeping her as a friend? I gave as much as humanly possible in such a short time with her and never really received anything in return and it feels like she is still wanting to take even after she ended the relationship. Is it wrong to want to express this to her? I think it would make me come off sounding very bitter.. which I am I guess hehe :)

Sorry for the long winded question/backstory, just really confused and it is cathartic somewhat to write about it.

Depends what you want my friend... I would tell her that its all or none. But that's me.

Well that is what I did as I think I already knew inside that is what I wanted to voice.

Got the inevitable 'I can't give you that' but I think in some way it was liberating at least being the person to voice the ultimatum even if it wasn't phrased anywhere near like one :)

It's funny how during NC all you want is to hear from them, but really it's the last thing you need to help the healing process run it's course.

If you think you can handle just being friends yeah go for it , doesn't sound to me like you quite ready yet though.

Nope, to be honest I doubt I ever will be. It was a very quick, intense relationship. Not something I could envision simmering down to be friends very easily if at all :)

I think once you've moved on there will come a time when it will be OK. And only you will know.
But I would just leave it until then.