Ask Me Help Desk - Trouble with clingyness

What's clingyness
Ill tell you what I do
And you decide

1. I call every night at 9 P.M.
2. I text her everymorning
3. if she doesn't answer ill call again multiple times.
4. ill say I love you excessively
5. I get upset when she says shell call back but she doesn't.
6. I will drop my friends plans to see her.

How do I fix these situations?

If I don't call her every night I feel as if shell "lose interest"
Same with texting
Or hanging out

Or something to that extent

I love her I don't want to lose her because of this

We only get to see each other every once a week

So I feel as if I have to drop friends plans to see her that week.

I can go more into detail but I want to cut it short. Thanks

you... are... clingy x 100.

why call every night at 9pm? Why text her every morning? Why drop your friend's plans? She may appreciate that you're there all the time now, but sooner or later, she'll give you the whole I NEED SPACE talk... and you'll be in some deep stuff, as you have built your entire life around her. Don't do that. Have your own life. It's all about balance. Give and take.

So prim, do you love yourself? Usually when someone is as clingy as you are, you don't love yourself enough. Can you look into a mirror, deep into your eyes, and say "I love you" and mean it? Did you read what I wrote, and laughed or looked confused?

If any of these, you need to work on your love of yourself first. Once you learn to love yourself, you will be less dependent on others, and the clingy, the insecurities, all stop.

Response to "IsneezeFunny"

If I don't call every night or morning should

I just not call her some nights?

Response to Eura : indeed I looked very confused I reread it and it feels like no I do not love myself I may be insecure

Quote:

Originally Posted by primitive

Response to Eura : indeed i looked very confused i reread it and it feels like no i do not love myself i may be insecure

Having the need or urge to call all the time, text all the time, know where she is and what she is doing of usually a sign of insecurity. Insecurity is almost always created when you don't love yourself enough. If you don't love yourself, it will be hard to love others the right way, and lose that insecure feeling you have all the time.

In order to break it, you got to do a few things:

1) - Be alone. If you broke up, OK well you are on your first steps. But use this time to go over things and learn from your mistakes.

2) - I swear to God that this step is the most important: Say "I love you" to yourself all the time. Do it in your head when you remember it, and say it like you mean it! If you say it and you are all "hmm..." then say it again and again until your subconscience tells you to stop. Anytime you see a mirror, LOOK INTO YOUR EYES, AND DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN until it feels right. You might laugh the first few times, or shake your head, or say "this is stupid", or all 3. I know I did. But I kept at it anyway, and it totally changed me after a few weeks.

3) - Once you have time to yourself and you love yourself, things will start to change. Food tastes different in a good way. Music sounds better. The day outside is more enjoyable than before, etc. Good things! Once this happens, keep saying "I love you" in a mirror, but start explaining why. Give yourself compliments. If you find something negative, turn it into a positive right away, any way you can.

4) - You're on your way. Once you are secure with yourself and you love yourself, life becomes more clear. You will get the urge to call your family just to tell them how much they mean to you, how much you love them, etc. You might even do the same to your friends.

5) - You start smiling more often. You have a bounce in your step, and life is a WHOLE LOT EASIER! Your worries fade away, every single one, even the littles ones. All of a sudden, life seems TOO easy! This is the point in your life where it starts to show to other people, complete strangers who don't even know you. People who meet you will WANT to get to know you, especially females. You actually give off an aura, theromones, etc, that attract females subconsciously, mentally, and physically. The best part is, YOU AREN'T EVEN TRYING! It's just naturtal.

6) - You are with a new woman, but not the first one you meet. This time you have options. You slowly choose the best one that fits you. After a while, it's like wearing an old shoe (bad analogy, sorry), but she fits GREAT and you seem familiar with her even after only a few weeks together. You have changed. You are now secure with yourself. You are able to give her freedom without worries. In return, she will give you all the security you need anyway, without you hounding her for it. Everything clicks!

-----------------

Those are the exact steps I took. I went from pain and suffering, slowly turning to a secure person. It only took 2-3 months! I dated and got with a girl, she cheated on me after 4 months, and I was able to break it off with her and move on almost right away, because I loved myself SO MUCH! I was down a little, but I was able to pick myself up a lot easier, and go after the next girl. I had options too. After I dated about 15 females, I found one I REALLY LIKED! I've been with her ever since, almost 2 years now. I'm proposing this Summer. :)

What a great story!!

Thank you

But she won't lose interest if I cut conact a little right?

Don't be so drastic where you stop talking to her for 3 - 4 days at a time... but yeah. Cut loose a little. Have your own life.

If she does lose interest, then I don't think you really want to be with a girl who loses interest in you just because you didn't call her 4 times a day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by primitive

what a great story!!!!

thank you

but she wont lose interest if i cut conact a little right?

Oh crap, you're still with her? I'm sorry I thought you broke up with her.

Dude, seriously. If you stopped calling all-together and right away, I bet she'll call you to ask what's up! I bet she'll call the first day! HAHA! And if you answer with "hey im busy, ill call later" and hang up, and call in like 10-15 minutes, she'll be even more hooked.

Call less, be less convenient for her. Don't ask where she is or what she's doing or who she is with (I bet you ask at least 2 of those every call, right?). Stop calling at 9AM every morning, be less predictable. Don't text everyday, do it once a week, if that.

The less you call and the less you text, the better off. As long as you call from time to time, things will be OK. And don't get on her case if she doesn't call you the first day. SHE WILL CALL YOU the second day. I guarantee it.

I always play it this way: You are only allowed to call her if she calls you. For example, if she called twice in two days, and you haven't called her once, then you are allowed to call her twice. NOT THREE TIMES! You are not allowed to call her more than she calls you. This will teach you patience, and it will make her feel a little more free. When she feels a little more free, she will like you for it. She will be less likely to wonder off.

Think about it, you are so CLINGY and CONTROLLING, and you are afraid of losing her because of it. So the obvious answer would be to do the opposite! If you pour water into a glass and it over flows, dump some out and stop filling. If you are getting too fat, eat less. If you are getting too cold, put on a sweater. If you are pushing her away because you are clingy and controlling, then stop calling/texting so much and being so nosy/pushy.

The answer is simple! Now do it! :)

Been there and done that. Ultimately its not good.
I'm no love doc or anything, but from my experience, you have to be confident and be yourself, do your own thing, let her be attracted to you and who you are and learn not be too obsessive. Ultimately you want her to be wondering what you are up to 24/7. You pretty much want to have her working for it; not the other way around. Make her call you and don't always make yourself available... etc..,. etc. It sounds counter productive but once you get things rolling life will be much better.
Also, you can't force anything and right now it sounds kind of like she has you kissing her behind- turn it around, make her do all of the chasing, calling, texting and have her blowing off her friends to see you. If she really likes you, she'll hang around for it.
Hope that helps... good luck.

I think I know why I'm so clingy I think its because she's broke up with me before and I don't want it to happen again. How do I stop this insecurity

Quote:

Originally Posted by primitive

i think i know why im so clingy i think its because she's broke up with me before and i dont want it to happen again. how do i stop this insecurity

Sorry dude. You just want someone to snap their fingers and stop you from being insecure. It won't happen. I already pointed out what you needed to do, everyone else read this thread and didn't respond for a reason, because I already said it. If you don't want to do it, that's your choice.