I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is 19. We have known each other for 6 years and we have just been friends. There were always little flirts here and there but never the thought of going out. We've been dating for 8 months. Then a month ago he told me that he loved me and he asked me to marry him. :D I said yes but I'm afraid to tell my dad. I am ready but I don't want my dad to freak out because he is always telling me that his union with my mom didn't work out because they out-grew each other. (they got married at (mom) 19 and (dad) 20) he thinks I am going to make his mistakes. :(

But I love my boyfriend very much. And I don't want other people to tell me what to do. However every time people give me that "oh my goodness" look I get the feeling that maybe they are right. I'm not afraid of taking that step. I'm just afraid of what is going to happen AFTER it. I'm just so afraid of becoming like my parents. They hate each other and every time I'm with one I have to listen to that one dawg on the other (:mad: saying how much she hates him or how much he wishes they'd never gotten married:mad: ) it's the same thing with my grand parents. I just don't want to be like that. That is what I'm afraid of. :(

So what should I do? I'm going to follow my heart. And I'm going to get married anyway, I love brett so much I just don't want to lose him and then end up being miserable like my parents are. Help please??

All I have to say is if you have to ask the question, then obviously you already know the answer. Live life first, if its meant to be, it will happen in time.:eek:

You need to slow down right now. Just knowing someone for 8 months is not long enough. You are young and so is he. What do you picture your life with him in say 5 years and 3 kids from now? Everything is not just love and roses, it's diapers and having to figure out how to pay bills on time.

Getting married is easy. Getting divorced is not so easy after 5 kids and a house thrown in for good measure. What about college? Are you going to go, is he going to go? What kind of jobs are you and he looking at right now? Somebody has to pay the rent and light bill and buy food. Money does not magially appear in your hand.

You can still love your boyfriend with all your heart. That's not going to change. BUT people do outgrow each other. What kinds of activities do you two share other than the obvious bedroom activity. That too can fade and fade fast if that's all you have in common with each other.

Just some ideas

1. how long do you plan on being engaged before getting married, 1 year, 2 year or more

2 if you were to marry now ( or when you turn 18) what type of jobs can you and he have. Were there college plans, why can't you wiat till after college to marry.

I say that if this is what you want and obviously it is, then go for it. If you know that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him then do it. Now if you are having doubts (don't worry everyone does, you are gambling the rest of your life you have every right to have a few worries) then maybe try a longer engagement.

I just got engaged on Christmas and I told my dad and he was really upset about it. He said that I'm not ready to make that big of a commitment when in all honesty, he's the one that is not ready for his only daughter to get married. I don't have a date set and I don't know any of the details except for who is going to be my brides maids. Our engagement is going to be a longer one.

The point I'm trying to make is that yes your parents may be upset and may use that famous line "learn from my mistakes" but this is your life and you only live it once. Yes it may fail but that's just the reality. It could also last the rest of your lives. It's not like you don't know the guy you said you've been friends for 8 years!

I hope everything works out for you two.

Emily

You are clearly unsure about this step otherwse you would not have asked us. But getting engaged and getting married are two different things. If you truly love each other, then announce your engagement. But I would first make plans about your future, college, careers, etc. I would NOT get married until you are more emotionally and financially secure.

You definitely need to wait since you are posting a question about getting married to random stangers on the internet. And the future is important to think about... if you get married now, your future plans will all be made according to each other. There will be no room to think about the fact that you might see yourselves doing totally different things with your lives in regard to college, where you want to live, etc. Just think about the fact that if you are the perfect couple, you will end up in a marriage either way. IF not, it is much easier to brake up then to get divorced!

Take a step back and think about what people are telling you. Everyone who's responded here and in real life are older and more experienced. Many of which, have done just what you plan on doing... and they were very much in love as well! Even more people give you that "oh my goodness" look... its because they've already been 17 and they know how different you become by age 19, 22, 28, 35... Heck, I've been with my husband since I was 19 but I just married him after 8 years together! Why? I wanted to finish college, buy a new car, start my career... then settle down. And he was with me through all of it. :)

If this is meant to be, let time prove it. Accomplish your own goals and mature as individuals before you dive into a marriage. Believe it or not, marriage changes relationships because you have tougher issues to deal with. (Taxes, mortgages/rent, school, work, kids, $, retirement, wills, bills, parents, holidays, etc.)
If you're really meant to be together, there is nothing wrong with a long engagement.

"afraid to tell my dad." This is not a good start. First, there are no guarantees, be you 17 or 70. Just try to have a clear picture of what you both want and how you plan on getting it. Talk to each other now. Do some research. Then, don't "tell" your dad, talk to him with your boyfriend.

You may well be ready for marriage in a lot of ways - your feelings for one another, emotional security, the way you treat one another. There are some aspects of being prepared for marriage though that can't be rushed, and you are putting your long-term success in marriage in huge jeopordy if you marry this young.

Most marriages that fail, as I have come to understand it, fail because of a few basic things. The first is money. Either they don't have enough or don't know how to manage it, or they don't share the same philosophy about spending, credit or saving.

Another is infidelity, which often happens in early marriages because the two partners have come through this initial honeymoon period but are not really ready in terms of their personal experience and growth to focus on one person. They don't realize it until they are in the marriage and cheating. I can't tell you how many really, really mature and bright adults I know, and have known since we were teenagers, who have felt that our relationships were ideal for us, only to later divorce under the best of circumstances. Marriage is hard work and requires an aweful lot of both people, consistently, to work.

Another is extended family interference or disapproval. This is huge. It can last a lifetime if you start without the support of both your family and your fiancés. Marriage is far from being just about two people - you'd be amazed how crowded it can be if others don't approve.

Children bring up a whole additional set of challenges. In the right situation, family, children, finances can all be really wonderful aspects of a marriage and can be things that feed your marriage to flourish and survive the worst of times.

So are you too young? I really feel you are. YOu are not too young to be in love, but marriage is another deal. It's like going for your PhD before you graduate from high school. It takes more time.

Sure, people did marry young years ago. Times were different. Women could get by with some domestic skills and men could get by with a high school education. Today, a college degree is the equivalent of what a high school diploma was for my parent's generation. Life is really expensive and demanding and crazed.

If you feel you could afford an apartment together, instead of getting the apartment put your money into separate saving's accounts or investments so that when you finish school, you can buy a house. An adult recognizes that living at home with your parents when you are a teenager is a financial arrangement worth keeping as long as you can!

If you feel you are up to the challenge of shopping, laundry, cooking - do it for your family that you live with now. Ungrateful are they? Well, how do you think your parents feel? This is family life and chances are good that until you learn to do things unselfishly for the family you grew up in, you won't be able to do it better for your own family!
I'm not suggesting you don't help, but I'm saying, really step it up and see how ready you truly are to do it every day.

Do your own laundry, pay your own cell phone and internet bills, pay for your own gas. Don't ask your parents for money or rides or anything. See how it works out. Married is an adult world... don't dive into it before you are ready.

If you still need their help, that's fine. You are supposed to. You are a teenager. And incidentally, your boyfriend is, too. Wait to marry a man until you've seen how he functions as an independent man. You can't possibly know how well he will manage money, keep a job, get an education, take care of a home, set up investments... until you've seen him do it.

So anyway, in a nutshell I think you should have a blast and enjoy being in love, but don't get married!

I think if you are having any doubts at all, you should wait. Just because you love someone and could see yourself marrying them someday, doesn't mean that you have to now. I would get to know him better. Wait at least a year, if not more. I think a promise ring is a nice idea.

Also, if you get engaged, consider going to premarital counseling. It is a great way to get to know your partner better, avoid common relationship issues, and learn to communicate. I am going with my fiancée right now, and it is making our relationship so much stronger.

Mairriage is something God made, so I would start there, and (unfortunatly but not really) Your dad probably knows the most about you in terms of whether or not your ready for marriage.
So I deff think you should talk to your dad about it.

And if your ready... your not to young lol in my opinion.

But that's the hard part, I wish I knew if I was ready or not lol

Just have a long engagement! Then when your ready your ready ha

Don't get maried until you have learned to be independent, and have a man that can help you keep a roof over your heads, Then you will be ready to talk about it together.

I Am 19, And Have Been Married For A Year. My Husband Is 24. Do I Regret Marrying? Of Course I Do... I Understand You Love Him, But If It Is Meant To Be, And I Mean Really Meant To Be, What Is The Rush?? If You Do Get Married Soon, Really Think Before You Have Children. It Really Ties You Down. I Would Not Change It For The World With Mine, But Your Teen Years Are Over After Marriage, And A Child... If You Need Some One To Talk To About All Of It, I Will Be Glad To Help In Any Way:) :)

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Originally Posted by little_lollipop

I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is 19. we have known each other for 6 years and we have just been friends. There were always little flirts here and there but never the thought of going out. We've been dating for 8 months. Then a month ago he told me that he loved me and he asked me to marry him. :D I said yes but i'm afraid to tell my dad. i am ready but i dont want my dad to freak out because he is always telling me that his union with my mom didnt work out because they out-grew each other. (they got married at (mom) 19 and (dad) 20) he thinks i am going to make his mistakes. :(

But I love my boyfriend very much. and i dont want other people to tell me what to do. however every time people give me that "oh my goodness" look i get the feeling that maybe they are right. I'm not afraid of taking that step. I'm just afraid of what is going to happen AFTER it. I'm just so afraid of becoming like my parents. they hate each other and every time i'm with one I have to listen to that one dawg on the other (:mad: saying how much she hates him or how much he wishes they'd never gotten married:mad: ) it's the same thing with my grand parents. I just dont want to be like that. that is what i'm afraid of. :(

so what should i do? I'm going to follow my heart. and i'm going to get married anyway, i love brett so much i just dont want to lose him and then end up being miserable like my parents are. help please?!?!

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Don't be afraid to tell your parents. But you might want to consider having a long engagement. This way it gives you time to make sure that you are ready for this. This is your life. You need to follow your heart but if you have to ask the question then you are a little afraid of the answer.

It's hard to really say since everyone's marriage is so different. I would not rely on recent marriages to use as a reference I have noticed that a lot of people go into marriages thinking "oh well if it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce," and I think that is the wrong attitude to have before going into a marriage. My parents got married in their very early 20's, they divorced 13 years later. My grandparents on my dad's side married when they were in their mid-late 20's and they lasted until death. My grandparents on my mothers side got married very very very young and they also lasted until death. I have noticed with them that no matter how long they were married for, they still acted like their love was still new. They did not get bored with each other, they always cared for one another and the idea of a divorce did not enter their heads. So many people now are not willing to work things out. People think a marriage just happens and they do not realize that it does mean work. All marriages have problems and you have to be willing to work on it. No marriage is perfect, they all have their little quirks. I am only 20 and my fiancé is 18, we have a child together, we've lived together for going on three years (he graduated h.s at 16 and we moved in together after). We've gone through everything together especially the stereotypes held against us, and not once have we ever doubted being together. It made us stronger. We are young, but we are financially secure, we have our own cars, our own house (not renting), we have our 3 month old son, and we have some of our problems, but we work on it and we fix it. My father divorced my mother because she got overweight (she has a thyroid problem) so he married someone else who is young and thin. Make sure you really know your guy. Every morning my fiancé tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, even when I gained 60 lbs when I was pregnant, I stretch marks on my belly, yet he tells me he doesn't care if I wear a bikini with my stretchmarks because he will think I look perfect. I had shingles on the right side of my face for two weeks, every morning he still told me that I am beautiful. I have 10 lbs more to lose to get back to pre pregnancy weight, but he tells me I do not have to lose anything because he thinks I am perfect the way I am. That's how both my grandfathers were. They loved my grandmothers for who they were. My grandfather (the only grandparent I have left) is still mourning over my grandmother who died 11 years ago. That's how much he loved her. So basically what I'm saying is make sure it is real. Do not just settle because he's you're "love" for this month. If there are any doubts in your mind, then I would sya to not get married. If you're still saying yes you want to get married still, then I would suggest having a long engagement, let your father get used to the idea, you and your guy figure out things financially, where are you going to live, what about college (if you plan to go), what are you two going to do in case you get pregnant, etc. My fiancé and I disgussed all that before and that is probably why we can afford for me to stay home with the baby. Really really really think about all situations and disguss every single one of them with each other.

That engagement was quick very quick, I've dated girls in high school longer, but I'm not saying don't marry him. What I'm suggesting is have a 1-2 year engagement, this is a time when you can really get to know him. Also because you'll be planning the wedding you WILL get into fights and you will see how well you 2 can deal with them. As for how to tell your dad I can't help you there, you know him best, you got to tell him how you think.