I've been brainwashed by the media (this is embarrassing)
I can't see beauty in me. The media got it's message sink in me very well!
I know it's my fault really because of my own weakness and low self esteem. It's just that now I don't seem to be able to break this mindset...
I'm no model... I've always had bad self esteem. Never really got a lot of compliments on my appearance, in high school guys never gave me the time! So I always felt ugly... but I didn't really think about girls in ads and stuff. Just that boys didn't like me...
I'm not ugly, and I'm at my healthy weight... I'm kind of hourglassy in shape, I know I have an actually nice looking body. But I'm not hot. I don't think I'm sexy... because I haven't got the toned body, the big breasts, the firm round butt, the flat stomach, etc... and it seems that I'm bombarded by these images everyday and I can't ignore them! I just feel so bad when ads show girls with that type of body and I just see myself and hate it!
My boyfriend says he finds me very sexy, but this doesn't help either! He tries so hard to reassure me and is so sweet in doing so, but somehow I just think if I had that body type it'd be even better for him...
I don't know what to do! As much as I rationally think that looks are unimportant, that those images are fake, that I'm not bad looking, that most of the population doesn't look like that, etc, I can't seem to feel better about myself...
I feel very insecure, and it eats me up inside... what can I do to finally conquer this nagging insecurity of mine? I just feel I'll never be truly attractive... :(