Ask Me Help Desk - Too clingy.

I have a problem with reading girls, when I think they like me I become I guess you could say too clingy and its like they don't even want to talk to me anymore. I just started a new job and I met this girl that I really like, we hit it off immediately, both flirting with each other all night at work. This was a couple of days ago and nothing has happened so far, but after that night at work she told that she wanted to hook with me and we started talking about all of that good stuff. After that I spoke to her online and it seemed like she wasn't even interested in talking to me and she blew me off right in the middle of a conversation, but I'm probably being paranoid. I don't want to blow this one because I could see myself dating her and I would like too. Any advice on how to approach it?

At least you have acknowedged your clingyness... Just let her be the one to initiate the next form of contact and take it from there... Do that every time and practice being patient... This tends to work all the time... Start now as you are in a good position to experiment with this. Good luck. Be good to yourself and remember you deserve good and you are awesome. She is lucky to be talking to you. Remember that!!

Remember you aren't there to be her girlfriend.

I've been there before, thinking if I spend all my attention on this great person shell see how wonderful I am. And then she gets bored. Wheres the mystery and excitement in dating a "butler"?

You have to have balance. The best relationships are where two people, with two separate lives, choose to be together, but don't get lost completely in the relationship.

If all you are about is her... well, she already knows herself. She probably wants to know you.

So... live your own life. Don't spend hours on the phone or im'ing... I'm not saying don't pay her attention... just make the attention you give count. Be available but don't be at her beck and call.

She doesn't want a brother or a girlfriend. She wants a guy that's interesting. You don't have to act like you are something you are not, but you don't need to be all about her.

Again... she's knows all about her. She wants to try to figure you out. Its OK to chase a girl... but she probably wants to chase you too a little. That's half the fun early on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by emopunk7

At least you have acknowedged your clingyness...Just let her be the the one to initiate the next form of contact and take it from there...Do that everytime and practice being patient...This tends to work all the time...Start now as you are in a good position to experiment with this. Good luck. Be good to yourself and remember you deserve good and you are awesome. She is lucky to be talking to you. Remember that!!!

So basically just sit back and wait for her to talk to me, kind of like reeling in a fish, lol.

Yep. But remember, as soon as she starts talking to you, YOU have to calm yourself. The first 3 - 4 times she calls, great. Don't start calling her back all the time again. Granted, call her every now and then to show that you actually give a crap. But call her once for every 4 - 5 times she calls you.

Girls hate it when they don't have that "power"

You don't have to play head games, but don't be available all the time.

What to do with the spare time? Spend it on yourself and other friends. If you don't have a lot of other friends, make some.

Research shows people with a strong social network live happier, longer lives. What does that have to do with you and any potential girl? If she gets to know you she gets to know your friends as well... expanding her social network. Its exciting to meet new people, and having friends can help a relationship, in my opinion.

Also, meeting other people helps you through rebound periods... if that relationship doesn't work out, you have some people to fall back on.

Telling a girl you are dating you can't go out because you have time lined up with friends shouldn't lead to a hissy fit, as long as you try to make some time for her.

I've been married 8 years, 10 years together. My wife spends almost one morning each weekend with some friend. I see a buddy or two almost once a week. It helps keep you grounded and same... changes up the monotony.

And, as I said, I think it can help a relationship in the long run.

You want to let her know you are chasing her, but that you are also interested in other things, and other people. It makes you less "one-dimensional"...

Look... don't overthink anything either. If you tend to be clingy, OK... try to channel that a little so you aren't trying to be someone you are not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

you dont have to play head games, but dont be available all the time.

what to do with the spare time? spend it on yourself and other friends. if you dont have a lot of other friends, make some.

research shows people with a strong social network live happier, longer lives. what does that have to do with you and any potential girl? if she gets to know you she gets to know your friends as well... expanding her social network. its exciting to meet new people, and having friends can help a relationship, in my opinion.

also, meeting other people helps you through rebound periods... if that relationship doesnt work out, you have some people to fall back on.

telling a girl you are dating you can't go out because you have time lined up with friends shouldnt lead to a hissy fit, as long as you try to make some time for her.

ive been married 8 years, 10 years together. my wife spends almost one morning each weekend with some friend. i see a buddy or two almost once a week. it helps keep you grounded and same... changes up the monotony.

and, as i said, i think it can help a relationship in the long run.

you want to let her know you are chasing her, but that you are also interested in other things, and other people. it makes you less "one-dimensional"...

look... dont overthink anything either. if you tend to be clingy, ok... try to channel that a little so you arent trying to be someone you are not.

Hahaha yea I overthink everything, one of my problems and I didn't intend to play mind games with her. Good advice and I'm going to take it, thanks.