My 12 year old son has had bad behaviour at home and at school for around 4 years, he can be violent and abusive to children and adults including me. The school think he could have ADHD and are at the moment doing assessments but I need help at home as my 13 year olkd daughter has had enough of her brother and wants to move out and live with her nan.

If you haven't done so already, contact a psychiatrist and set up an appointment as soon as you can. Describe all of the symptoms and behavior that he has been experiencing. Also mention any medications that he might be on. Is he currently being assessed by a mental health agency or the school. If you haven't had him evaluated by a mental health health agency, call the nearest one in your city/town. The school might be able to refer to one as well.

If I may ask what are his actions around his father? How is he disciplined, for his behavior?

My son does,nt often see his father as we are separated, he is disciplined the same as my other 3 separated i.e. having there personal things taken away from them, time out away from anyone else in the house. He also has his computer time and free time outside of the house taken away

My 9 yr old is ADHD. And from what I have read about ADHD, it can show up as late as 3rd grade... but from what you have written, it seems as though this has been going on for a while. I feel for you, I know what you are going through. I would definitely seek out an independent mental health facility and have a private evaluation done. I wouldn't say anything about the schools suspicion though, it might cloud their judgement of what the problem is. If they ask for the reason you need the appointment, just say that he is aggressive and has issues in school, and you want to see someone about getting counceling. They should be able to help you from there.

Keep your chin up. It is going to be a rough road for a while, but by the time you get to where we are now, you will be much wiser and happier. Also, the world of behavioral health can be difficult, so listen to your gut about what is going on, and be persistent with what needs to be done. Keep telling yourself that you are your child's biggest advocate, and keep moving forward.

Best wishes~

Thank you for your kind words it has helped me alt to know that there is others out there going through the same problems and I understand it will be a long road ahead and I will keep pushing forward for my son sake so once again thank you

I know I ask a lot of questions but if you would indulge me further, how old are his siblings, and how long have you been separated? Is he the only boy, as you have said you have an older daughter.

Taliman is on the right track. There, I am pretty sure, is something in your family situation that is bothering him. My one son was the sweetest kid until he turned 7 and his dad left and never bothered with them. He held it against me and lashed out that his dad couldn't be bothered. I would have to restrain him for hours on end just so he didn't try killing my other son, daughers or the neighbors.

Also it could be partly due to allergies, environmental toxins and foods.
One thing that is important is Omega fatty acid and B vitamins.

Some good books on ADHD and related disorders are
Brain Allergies by Philpott
And
The Crazymakers by Carol Simontacchi