After 20 years of marriage.. and all of our ups and downs, last night I was numbed by the fact that my husband can't spell my name. He asked for our email, and when I gave it to him, he wrote it down. Later when I picked up the paper, he had everything spelled right, except for my first name. My name is not difficult, it's common. When I handed him the paper and said what the heck? He crossed off one letter, laughing, saying he was just in a hurry. Problem is, even after crossing off one letter, he still had it wrong. He said I am blowing it out of proportion, and should get over it. I think my name is the most basic thing about me, and he should know it, period. What do you think?

Nah, I wouldn't worry about it. My name is very hard to spell. I bet my husband couldn't spell it. I don't care if he can't.
What I do care about is him working, not cheating, and loving me and my kids and our animals. He may not be like other men in that area. He is not all foo, foo, huggy, kissy but I know he loves us anyway. Btw we have been together for 20 years as well.

OK... now seriously? I am in no way trying to be rude, but really? You are miffed about him not spelling your name right in an email addy? I mean I could understand if he left you a note, or was filling out a document and honestly could not get it right, but an email address? How many people, including myself, have looked at numerous emails and screen names 30 times before figuring out what they actually say? Who on here doesn't use some type of shortened name, or vowelless nickname for online purposes. Give the guy a break. If that is your only problem, you really need to get a hobby and probably look at yourself and question whether you are depressed and yourself esteem levels are where they should be. Love you all, but really? An email address?

He really didn't know how to spell my name.. that is the point... the email was of course.. rejected and sent back.. as UNKNOWN

Has he ever spelled it correctly? Is this something new? Maybe there's something medical going on with him.

(My husband, every now and then, asks me how to spell a word like "before" or "into" or some other simple word. He can't remember where we went on our honeymoon either.)

At least he knows your name. Is there something else going on in your relationship to make this so upsetting after all these years?

Could be medical, spelling difficulties, learning disability... who knows, but I would hope that you have a lot of other things to judge him on after all this time?

Maybe he had some reading or spelling difficulty when he was little that you never picked up on before... Some people are really good at avoiding letting that be known... because of the embarrassment of it to them personally. That is just one possibility?

My wife spells the name of an old friend wrong CONSTANTLY... she always writes diane as dianne...

And another friend, of something like 20 years, as ramond, not remund...

All I can say is, if the guy seems to try, don't be so mad...

My wife misspelled her own sons middle name once (McLeod, named after her own grandfather!) and id give you 3:1 odds shed do it again wrong...

Sometimes people have a mental block about names... I was a teacher for a number of years, and I had to rely on a number of tricks to remember names...

Honestly, unless he's been a jerk about a lot of other things, id let him by on this... as much as it seems like it's a big deal, it might be how he's mentally wired...

I swear I forgot 3/4 of the names of the people in my graduating class within 6 mo of graduatiing...

Some people just are not wired for names... I'm one of them unfortunately, and I mean no distrespect...

Without a doubt, there are other issues in our marriage. As with everyone, we are trying to work them out. It's not a medical issue, or anything, he just doesn't know how to spell it. My name is Jessica... it's not a hard name, it's not unusual, and he has seen it on mail for 20 years. I feel it's a lack of knowing me, he feels its just not something men.. pay attention to.

Are the "other issues" really important?

I feel it's a lack of knowing me

I thought that might be the reason it was such a sensitive thing for you. I hope that the two of you can begin to do things that will allow you to feel that he is getting to know you... sort of like a new dating... or getting back in touch with each other. Are you doing any couples counseling?

Can your dog spell your name?

I'm not saying it needs to be a medical issue... like I said, my wife has spelled a couple names or HER good friends incorrectly for years, not to mention the name of a city she used to live in.

And her only born sons middle name, named after her beloved grandfather!

Perhaps he always spelled the name like that, even before you, and that's what stuck.

Not saying he shouldn't have known better. Not saying its OK.

I think its just one staw on a haystack, and if the other issues weren't there you might not have taken it so personally.

Again, not taking his side. If anything I'm looking for a reasonable angle that makes it less bothersome. Don't think I found it.

Ayashe,

I recognize your anger, but it's a futile anger. Guys are just not covert to misspell their wife's name to show that they are angry at them.

However, it does happen by accident. Bonnie and I were having a very lively debate about something. She said something that really fried my eggs and there I stood face to face with her and having no idea what her name was. I finally got a word in and it was, "What's your name, anyway?"

That was the presise moment in time that my slippery slope went vertical and I had to endure several long cold months in a specialically reserved section for husbands who venture across and battlefront line.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I only wish that my tale of woe was just that a tale of woe. However, it just isn't so!

I was there, I did it and I certainly paid the full price plus an enormous amount in penalties.

Yep, that was me, standing there with the light bulb dully shining for all the world to watch as mother earth closed up from underneath me and my slow tortuous decent into oblivion began. Just poor little ole me. What's a name between friends anyway? I have that answer now!

Ok, after 20 years, he should know, but then how often does he actually write and spell your name. And yes ayashe is a unusual name ( at least in my part of the world) I have two granddaughts who have names I would not even try to spell their names.

So he is not the smartest lump on the log, this into itself is nothing

It sounds like you have deeper rooted problems. Most people I meet can't even say my name properly until they've known me for a month

I would be miffed too. My nickname is misspelled constantly and that's okay... but if DH did it I'd probably whack him across the back of the head.

Is it a big deal? No. Is it annoying? YES.

Was he in a hurry... then probably flustered when you caught him? Most likely!

... The saga continues, had he just waken and stepped out of his tent along the Little Big Horn and realised that the Indian's that were calling were not his friend, or was that the next step when he saw the fire in your eyes slip to the "Boy you are so going to pay for this look.

OMG, if this is the least of your worries, let it go.

My hubby can't spell my name, 17 years after we met, but he's not the greatest speller either. We just set up a nickname for him to spell... Hence my nick J9.

At least he doesn't refer to you by the name of an ex girlfriend or ex-wife (like my hubby referred to me once (ex-wife)).

Laughs, no he wasn't just waking up... and I didn't shoot him the look of death, he actually said it was a look of such sadness it made him guilty and then angry at me. Of course it's not ALL of our problems, it was just maybe the missing piece that broke my heart? He has been extra sensitive around me the last few days, and I am thinking maybe he heard me loud and clear, I don't expect him to know our anniversary, or birthdays, but yes I do expect him to spell Jessica... and at least know where the other information is kept. If God forbid something happened to me, he wouldn't have the first clue on how to do any of the paper work needed for himself or the children. It was time for him to learn!