Ask Me Help Desk - My stepson is a brat

My stepson is a rude 18 year old and doesn't know how to respect adults. He thinks that he is 18 he can do what he wants and run my house. His bedroom is disgusting. It smells and is dirty I can't get him to clean it or do his laundry. He is very disrepectful. I feel that I am walking on egg shells in my home. My husband lets him do what he wants, and is more of a friend then a father. He has told me to f*** off many times in the past. My stepson cuts school and is failing 2 classes. His biologal mother seems to think he is going to go to college. I don't know what to do. I have tried to ignore him, but for some reason he hates me. I've been his stepmom since he was 10 years old. We used to have a great relationship. Anyone have any suggestions on what I should do?:confused:

If you're not employed, you could go to school with him to make sure he doesn't cut classes. Follow him around school if necessary. Mothers have been known to do this.

Have you sat down with a school counselor about this? They might be able to give you some guidance. Would be great if your husband joined you.

You might need to talk to your husband and find a way to agree together on how to raise him. I hope he isn't the spiteful type. When I was growing up, our father wanted us kids to go against our mother as a way to get back at her for whatever issues they had with each other.

Hope alcohol isn't aggrevating the situation

You and his dad are not a united front, and the step son behavior is unacceptable. Talk to your husband and see if he can't at least accept that the son is crossing boundaries, and needs discipline. Not a beating, but dad to enforce the rules and rein his "friend" in line. My mom always told on us to my father, and we knew to straighten up our acts.

Put his belongings out on the curb and change the locks. And if your husband doesn't like it, put his belongings out there also.

Yes, once he graduates from high school, you are not legally responsible for him and you will have the right to kick him out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC911

my stepson is a rude 18 year old and doesn't know how to respect adults. he thinks that he is 18 he can do what he wants and run my house. his bedroom is disgusting. it smells and is dirty i can't get him to clean it or do his laundry. he is very disrepectful. i feel that i am walking on egg shells in my home. my husband lets him do what he wants, and is more of a friend then a father. he has told me to f*** off many times in the past. my stepson cuts school and is failing 2 classes. his biologal mother seems to think he is going to go to college. i don't know what to do. i have tried to ignore him, but for some reason he hates me. ive been his stepmom since he was 10 years old. we used to have a great relationship. anyone have any suggestions on what i should do?:confused:

I am really no child psychologist but children desire leadership. He acts that way because he resents the fact that everyone around him lets him. He is looking for someone to step in and be a guide to him. I tell you, if you stand your ground and tell him it is not acceptable, he'll thank you later. Unfortunately, it seems you are the only sensible one and you can't go wrong by doing the right thing. At 18, I do not know if it is too late, how long he's been allowed to be like this, but I would still stand my ground and tell him what is not acceptable and what is. Your husband does not respect you and your son picks up on that... sorry you are in the middle of this mess but but becareful that you are not the enabler

Things are not going to get better if dad doesn't start backing you up. You two need to get on the same page-fast. Try talking to your husband about it again. If it doesn't work... well, maybe what's good for the goose is good for the gander.. Treat your husband the same way your stepson treats you for a day or two. Then ask him how it makes him feel to be disrespected that way in his own home. Explain that that's how you feel everyday and you really need his help. Family counseling is usually helpful, but with your stepson being 18 and the school year being half way over I doubt it would do much good in the time you have unless your husband and stepson are willing to commit until the matter is resolved. Bottom line, this is your house too, and you have a right of expectation of respect and decency. If the boy can't give it, kick his behind out and let his mother deal with him. (Now that he is over 18 he is NOT your legal responsibility, even if in high school. He is an adult by law. Time to act like one.)