OK so I'm an 8th grader with a lot of problems... #1 I hate myself, and everything about me, I'm fat, ugly, stupid, and nobody likes me. #2 this means I have no confidence in myself #3 but sometimes I feel like this isn't true because I have people who supossedly love me and like I'm an active member of my schools community but it not enough. I mean I suck my stomach in all day and cry myself to sleep almost every night. And then there's this whole issue of boys, I'm 13 and never had a boyfriend I think I'm about the only girl in my grade... I also have never kissed anybody again only girl in my grade and then I mean I'm happy for my friends when they get boyfriends and things like my friend just got a new boyfriend and she's telling me how happy she is and you know but then I feel even worse about myself after words and right now I feel like **** because I'm a loser and I don't know I'm 5"5 and am 150 and its not like I don't exercise because I play basketball, volleyball, softball, golf, swimming, water polo, and I ski and snowboard so I don't know what my problem is and I try to eat right I do but I mean who doesn't have an ice cream one a week I mean I don't know!! I NEED HELP ESPECIALLY WITH THE BOY SITUATION!! PLEASE

It's really tough being at the age that you are with all the things that are happening to you! You will find sympathetic hearts here who will help you to deal with the problems and concerns that you are having. Please do post again. Thank you!

If you want help with the boy situation I think first you need help with everything else. I think it's nice that you are asking for help because you realize certain things you can change about yourself. 13 I think is a young age to be having a boyfriend, but it doesn't make you less to not have one either way. About your weight issue have you ever seen a doctor about it or anything like that?
Man all those sports you do to me it's amazing, I never even got to play one of those... and I was always thin. And I understand you about being insecure because through all my school years I was highly insecure, very low self-esteem... lonely, had no friends. Seemed like no one liked me. But life can be better for you, if you put all your effort into making yourself better. First of all try not to stress yourself too much because later on that can have negative effects on your health... and maybe even on your weight. (ok so I'm not a doctor so I will shut up about that) You should be proud of yourself you do all those things.

At thirteen and even older I thought I was ugly, this went on all though my teens and into my twenties. I got attention from some boys but it was not enough, in my thirties I had a noise job, I thought that was the problem, but nothing changed. What I have noticed and learned is that attractiveness can be looks but more often it is a light that comes from a person that has self confidence. Example, a girl I knew in high school was truly not every pretty at all, but she always was smiling and you could just tell she did not worry about her looks she had self confidence you justed loved being around her she was one of the most popular girls in school. She was busy being busy and made others feel special.
I was better looking then she but hated my looks and always worried about the way I looked and if others thought I was good looking. I was not very popular.
I have been amazed though out my life how a person with self confidence (not a better than others type) nomatter how they look they draw people to them. People love to be around them, I think be cause they like then selves, they can make others feel special.
This is not always easy to come by (and by the way even pretty looking people with out confidence. Have the same problems you have) You really need to work at telling yourself, you are as good as anyone. Stop spending your time putting yourself down except yourself and slap a smile on your face for you and for others.
Be a good listener for others and a good friend, think more of this and less negative about yourself. Being negative is destructive and a waist of you valuable time.
Program yourself to like yourself and others will follow. Do this first, then work at what you might be able to improve on your appearance. Always remember one thing about life, it always changes, what is now my not always be.
When I have wanted a boyfriend so bad, I couldn't find one, then when I was not looking and busy doing other things, that's when I would meet someone.
Read things that can help you gain confidence and work at this daily it can be hard to like ourselves but once we do, it is so much better and we don't worry so much about what others think of us. Know matter who we are not all people will like us, that's just life.
Stand up straight, posture is so important and wear your smile often. Stay busy and interested in things, this will make you more interesting.
My mother told me, " there will always be someone prettier then you and always someone less pretty."
Start working at this, at your young age and you could have it, while other are just learning this, long after you have moved on to many other things .
Always work on yourself from the inside out, first.

I don't think you are ready to have a boyfriend... you have to find someone to help you work on getting a more positive attitude about yourself... the ideal person is your father whose attention and care at this time in your life will help you immensely!


Good Luck in the coming year, dear one,

You're 13, you are so young! I feel your situation, but only you can change it. About the boy thing, that will all come with time. You need to focus on YOURSELF and liking YOURSELF first before you will be able to let any boy in. Believe it or not, people (guys too) can tell when someone is insecure about themselves and don't like themselves. So that's the first thing you need to change: all those negative thoughts.

As far as your weight goes, you play a lot of sports and muscle weighs more than fat. If you're truly concerned about it, talk to your parents and/or your doctor and see if there is anything you can do.

As far as the boyfriend thing goes and you not having one, count your blessings. I know it seems so important to have a boyfriend in jr. high and high school, but it causes so much unneeded drama. Wait and be patient and you'll find someone. I had my first kiss at 14, my first boyfriend at 21 and my 2nd at 23. I'm so glad I waited and wasn't involved in all that. Guys in high school just wanted one thing, and I'm glad I wasn't pressured into giving them anything. I focused on myself, my school work and just having fun. Find something you like to do and pour your energy into it. When you're too busy to realise it, something will come along for you.

sylvster21,

You are very young and you want everything to be just so. It takes years for us to really get to know ourselves and shape ourselves into the type of person we want to be. You might be ahead of most, you already know what you want to be like as well as what you want to change. So stop beating yourself up and get to it.

I don't know if you will understand this but I hope you do. If we want things to change we have to think of the changes we would like to see happen. Then we need a plan and we need to create some goals for ourselves. And we need to NOT beat ourselves up if we backslide a little, we simply get right back to the plan and working on those goals.

One sure fired way to stay as we are, with all the things we hate about ourselves, is to go on beating ourselves up and not doing anything about them. So take a pad and a pen, take a deep breath, now get started writing your plan. Call it My Plan For My Life. Make a list of the changes you would like to see and create some goals that would bring about those changes. Be realistic with your time-spans. You're a human being not a magician. Try writing about how you would like things to be say this time next year.

Stay positive and stay above the battles.

PS. Take care of you and you won't have to go looking for boys - they'll come looking for you! :)

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Originally Posted by sylvster21

ok so im an 8th grader with a lot of problems... #1 i hate myself, and everything about me, im fat, ugly, stupid, and nobody likes me. #2 this means i have no confidence in myself #3 but sometimes i feel like this isnt true because i have ppl who supossedly luv me and like im an active member of my schools community but it not enough. I mean i suck my stomach in all day and cry myself to sleep almost everynight. And then theres this whole issue of boys, im 13 and never had a boyfriend i think im about the only girl in my grade... i also have never kissed anybody again only girl in my grade and then i mean im happy for my friends when they get boyfriends and things like my friend just got a new boyfriend and shes telling me how happy she is and you kno but then i feel even worse about myself after words and right now i feel like **** because im a loser and idk im 5"5 and am 150 and its not like i dont exercise because i play basketball, volleyball, softball, golf, swimming, water polo, and i ski and snowboard so idk what my problem is and i try to eat right i do but i mean who dosent have an ice cream one a week i mean i dont kno!!!!!!! I NEED HELP ESPECIALLY WITH THE BOY SITUATION!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE

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I know how you feel! I didn't kiss a boy until the end of my eighth grade year on graduation day. But don't worry, it will happen! P.S. I don't have a boyfriend either and I'm 15

I know how you feel, I didn't have my first kiss until the end of my eighth grade year at graduation, and I'm 15! I still don't have a boyfriend. I suck my stomach in too. I do everything that you do.