I got pregnant in January of 2005 by a guy I had been with for about 7 months. As soon as I said the word, he demanded I have an abortion and he was out the door. I couldn't go through with the abortion, and I had considered adoption but in the end I couldn't do that either. I had the baby 5 weeks early, and it's not a decision that I regret by any means.

I called the dad after I had the baby just too let him know and I left it at that. I figured that if he had any interest then he could come to me about it. Days and days went by and after about 2 months he called me. He started talking about us moving in together and how he needs to help take care of the baby. Over the course of the last two weeks, he has now decided that the baby isn't his and he wants nothing to do with either one of us. I decided to file for child support... not so much for the money (because child support hasn't done much for me in the past) but more for the reason that then he would be able to get his paternity test and everybody could stop talking about it. Well, needless to say, that made him angry. The other day he showed up at my friends house yelling at me about how I think I got him, but I don't have nothing and calling me names. He's been telling his brother that once he gets the paternity test and it comes back that it is his kid he's going to take him from me. Despite the fact that I know it isn't very likely that he would actually get him, it still makes me nervous. If I can, I am going to try and drop the child support for the time being in hopes that maybe he will simmer down. I was wondering if anybody has any advice on what I can do to better my chances should I end up going to war with him

How much do you hate him?

First, if he’s harassing you like this, go to the police about this and report his threats and those about kidnapping your children. Perhaps a visit from the police will set him straight.

If it continues to persist, and he keeps coming to your house, file a restraining order against him.

Also, I would not advise you ever move in with this guy. He doesn’t sound like the father or boyfriend type.

If you don’t NEED the child support money, then forget about it. This way you don’t have to deal with this guy. Do you really want to be associated with him the rest of your life?

But if you do plan to drop it, at least go to the cops and report his threats. This is something that might come back to bight you, and it’s always better to have police reports to prove what he’s done to you now. Because in 10 years, if he gets his act together and comes back, you want the possibility to tell the Judge that this guys nuts and here and the police reports to prove it.

What CF says is right. If you don't need the child support just don't mess with it. If he brings up living together again just walk away from him. There is no law that says you have to live in a loveless relationship just because some guy knocked you up. He may think he's doing the right thing but you and the child really suffer in the end when the man gets tired of pretending. Child support payments are a big joke now adays anyway. I don't know about the rest of you but I only get $25.00 a month for child support and my husband told the court he owns a construction company.

Hi, zerah,
I am so sorry to read this. As I see it, you have two options:
First, drop the whole thing, if you don't need the child support money.
Second, if you do need the money, get yourself a lawyer. He/she will be able to give you some Professional advice on what to do and how to go about it.
If you get a lawyer, you will be in for a big fight on your hands, because this man sounds like a real "loser".
I do know that, in some states, a "restraining order" or a "peace bond" really doesn't mean very much. The only thing the police can do is to help you AFTER he beats you up, or threatens you in any way. They cannot watch your house 24 hours a day, or your job.
It's your decision. If you decide to go after child support, PLEASE get a lawyer.

Thanks everybody for all your advice. I think I have decided to drop the child support for now. Not because I don't need the money (I have 3 other children), but because I can't afford the legal bills trying to go through a custody battle. I really don't think that he would get custody of him, but I have witnessed a friend of mine going through a battle with her daughters father and things got really ugly. I don't need it, my kids don't need it, and my family doesn't need it...

It really sucks though that he can't be more mature about this...

Actually, dropping the child support case isn't an option that's legally yours. You don't have the right to deny your child the financial support (s)he needs and is legally entitled to. Have you or do you intend to apply for public assistance? If so, then they will insist that you proceed with legal action to obtain an order for child support from the baby's father ; that is a universal condition in virtually all states for receiving public assistance.

It p*** me off when I hear how a so-called man can treat those who depend on him so badly!My first mind tells me to suggest to you to get a paternity test and secure your child support,But on the other hand having this loser completely out of your life may be worth more than any money he could provide.You may have a tough and unfair decision ahead,so think it through carefully.I doubt he will ever get custody from you so don't let this fool intimadate you at all, but do put your children first! As others have suggested document everything with the police if you have to!I wish you the best you are in my prayers!:cool:

I didn't mean that I have intentions of dropping the child support entirely... just for now. I need to buy myself some time until I can get things going a little better for me. I did call child support yesterday though... I have an appointment on Thursday to review the paperwork, and his appointment is the 24th of this month. That same day I will probably have to take the baby in for testing. I am just so frustrated with the whole mess. I am really wondering what my best choice is at this point, but no matter how I look at it, it's difficult all around... :(

Yes these things can leave us more than just a little frustated but keep your chin up you are not alone and there are a lot of people here praying for you!:cool:

Don't prolong the paternity testing, it will make things a bigger mess for you and him in the long run, take it from experience.

Move forward with custody and the support issues before its too late and you create a mess of gigantic volume. Even if you don't consider that you need the child support then start a college fund for your child. But never just give it away.

It needs to be done if your single and raising this baby and he's left you and refusing to do what's RIGHT... your the mother you've been there for baby, you'll find that the law will throw the book at him , you have the law on your side really as long as you don't have any like drug convictions or sexual abuse convictions and even if he's hit you and you've had he arrested ,they won't give him the baby hell no. he's just twisting you... twist back lol xxx

That baby is now 7 years old.

Please watch dates when responding.

Im going through something silmilar to Zerah22. I'm getting legal aid in the UK, and my ex is in the US. He is also denying paternity, and has also petitioned abandonment to get a divorce.