Ask Me Help Desk - How can I eliminate some of this stress?

Well... Here is everything in a nutshell:
I work part time for a small company. I am working part time so I can spend as much time as possible with my 8 year old daughter. I am paid hourly and it seems as though no matter how many hours I work, we just don't have enough money to cover anything. My husband, daughter and I moved into my parents house about 6 monhs ago and it seems that we have no more money now than we had before. And my parents notice this and ask me relentlessly why.

Now, living at my parents house is another problem. My dad is an alcoholic and will not admit or accept it. It make the environment very tense. He says very ugly things to me and my husband and it is putting a huge strain on me. My mom of course justifies what my dad does and says which makes it even worse. My husband can't stand my sister and her 5 year old son and it's apparent. Now she doesn't feel welcome to come over and my mom blames me.

My daughter is in a Christian school which is fantastic. I know it costs money, but we tried public school and it was just not a good fit for us. I am room mom and try really hard to have fun things for this kids to do. I started their Christmas party about 10 minutes early and one of the moms belittled me in the class. I am unfortunately very sensetive and now going to school every morning has me just about in tears. I am trying really hard not to let it get to me, but I am not kidding when I say she will tear into me the first chance she gets. She is seriously like that and it has me a nervous wreck.

My husband and I have also been trying to get pregnant for the last 6 years. Not happening. I am ahout 40 lbs. overweight and have not been successful at all in losing any weight. I have a nerve on the bottom of my foot that the doctor is planning to inject with a steroid 3 different times over the next 4 weeks. I broke my tooth over the New Year's weekend and have not even had a chance to think about getting fixed. My daughter has a persistent bladder infection that the doctor can't seem to get cleared up. She is on her 3rd round of antibiotics. My husband just got accepted to a college to get his bachelor's degree (his company will reimburse us, but where am I to get the money up front?? ).

I know how it is. I have been there. It was like you would get the baby out of diapers and think you can now save the diaper money, but for some reason the money is gone the same anyway. I never did figure that one out.
Living at your parents can be a real chore too. I had to move in with my parents twice for a year each time. Nothing I did was ever right. If I started cooking for them my parents would come home and kick me out of the kitchen so they could cook what they wanted. My food got ruined. So I would take them out for a kids meal and they would complain that I was wasting gas why wasn't I cooking for them there. They complained when I was there and then upset that I was moving out. It is a no win situation.
As for your daughters bladder infection. My oldest daughter had constant bladder infections for years. A few years ago I found out that a big part of the problem is that doctors prescribe the antibiotics but they don't tell you that you need to follow it up with probiotics. Get her to eat yogurt. You can buy probiotics where ever has health supplements or the drug store. I hate yogurt but I was determined to eat healthier. The only one I could stand was the berry Breyers with omega and DHEA. I bought a bag of frozen blackberries and mix them in with the yogurt so that it has even more of a berry flavor than a yogurt flavor.
Other than that I really don't know cause I don't even know how I made it through those years.

Wow, you have a lot going on. I'll try to help by breaking it down. And I know it's not what you want to hear, but what you HAVE to hear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMC6296

Well... Here is everything in a nutshell:
I work part time for a small company. I am working part time so I can spend as much time as possible with my 8 year old daughter.

Since your daughter is in school full time now, have you considered getting a job during the hours that she is in school? Or is that what you are already doing?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMC6296

I am paid hourly and it seems as though no matter how many hours I work, we just don't have enough money to cover anything. My husband, daughter and I moved into my parents house about 6 monhs ago and it seems that we have no more money now than we had before.

Do you have a budget? Are you paying rent? Utilities? Can you come up with an adequate reason why you don't have more money than you did before?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMC6296

Now, living at my parents house is another problem. My dad is an alcoholic and will not admit or accept it.

Most alcoholics are in denial. And so are their spouses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMC6296

My husband can't stand my sister and her 5 year old son and it's apparent. Now she doesn't feel welcome to come over and my mom blames me.

In all honesty, not to be rude, but I wouldn't come over either if my brother-in-law couldn't stand me or my children, and he lived in MY parent's home. No reason to blame you, but your husband should be at blame here. This is the home of HER parents, not his, and he should be respectful of your parents and your sister and her son.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMC6296

My daughter is in a Christian school which is fantastic. I know it costs money,

In my area of the country that is at least $3,000 a year... can you really afford this? I mean honestly. You mention above that you have to live with your parents and you work part-time to spend more time with your daughter, that is all well and good, and should be applauded, however, while public schools are not equivalent to private schools, there are some out there that are fantastic, and I am sure you have some in your area. You just have to find the best schools, then an apartment in that district.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMC6296

I am room mom and try really hard to have fun things for this kids to do. I started their Christmas party about 10 minutes early and one of the moms belittled me in the class. I am unfortunately very sensetive and now going to school every morning has me just about in tears. I am trying really hard not to let it get to me, but I am not kidding when I say she will tear into me the first chance she gets. She is seriously like that and it has me a nervous wreck.

This was covered in one of your previous posts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMC6296

My husband and I have also been trying to get pregnant for the last 6 years. Not happening.

Now, do I really need to say anything about this? You currently cannot afford to live on your own as a husband, wife and family... Why bring in another mouth to feed? That's just going to fuel the fire within the family should you become pregnant now. Heck, you can't even afford one child, how are you going to afford two?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMC6296

My husband just got accepted to a college to get his bachelor's degree (his company will reimburse us, but where am I to get the money up front???).

Has he applied for financial aid? If he has, and has been denied it looks as though you are going to have to get a full time job, or he will have to get a second job, and your child will have to attend public school.

You see, I am not trying to be harsh here, as I have been where you are... somewhat. But it looks as though you have to get your priorities straight.

1) You work part-time and don't have enough money to get ahead in life.
2) You pay for private school (again in my area that's $3,000 a year) (Could pay for your husband's school)
3) You are living with your parents
AND
4) Trying for another baby.

The way to straighten this out is rather easy, but I'm afraid you might not see it that way

1) Get a full time job
2) Take your daughter out of private school saving major bucks a year
3) Take that new money you are saving and get a place of your own to live in a decent public school system
4) Wait to have another baby until you are on your feet financially and in your own home whether it be renting or owning.

To follow up what J-9 said about your daughter's bladder infection, they sell children's chewable acidophilus (which is a pro-biotic). Often times yogurt has a ton of added sugar (even high-fructose corn syrup) and that can feed infections. :)

Thanks J9. I am working as many hours as possible while my daughter is in school and I even try to squeeze in hours when I get home. We really want to keep my daughter in the school she is currently in. My in-laws have offered to help us with the tuition if it comes to that. We just haven't been ready to admit defeat. My dilema with working full time is that I would then have to pay for before school and after school day care.

My husband doesn't like my sister because she was previously a drug user. She has gone to great lengths to clean her act up, but we had to take her son in and I had to be the one to call social services. I think he just hasn't forgiven her for what she put me through and I still feel a sense of responsibility for my nephew. I think he feels that I am being taken advantage of. I tell him I do what I do for my nephew, but he thinks that my sister needs to be able to do the things herself.

My husband does have a call into the school to find out about financial aid. He was denied last year at a junior college because of his salary. We are hoping that we can get some assistance. But I just don't know.

As for a budget... Yes. I do have a budget. It looks good on paper, but I swear that it just never works out. I always seem to be up againt late fees, over limit fees. Tights. New shoes. Something.

And another baby. Since I'm 36, I just feel that as every year goes by, my chances get slimmer and slimmer. I know now is not the best time. It's just one more thing that I feel I am worrying about.

Thanks for all the responses. It makes me feel less lonely. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMC6296

he thinks that my sister needs to be able to do the things herself.

Hmmm, isn't this the pot calling the kettle black? The two of you live with your parents, not on your own, but with your parents, and he thinks she should be able to do things herself?

Now, before and after school care is what $50 a week, even less if they have it at her school... mine charges $25 a week for students enrolled at the school. You would be making considerably more than that if you were to work full time.

Your budget looks good on paper? Well then follow the paper... if the shoes aren't falling apart, you don't need new shoes. Find second hand stores... discount stores.. And I don't mean for this to sound harsh, but it's going to... Are you and your daughter too good for second hand stores? You certainly seem to think that you are too good for public school.

Look, don't you see the absurdity of your situation? You are 36 with a family, your husband has a job, you have a part time job, you are still living at home with Mom and Dad, can't afford to pay your bills on time (late fees), can't manage your bank accounts (over limit fees), AND you are wanting to have another baby.

As I stated earlier, it seems that you don't quite have your priorities in order. Living as a family, on your own, with no help from Mom and Dad should be priority #1 right now.

I love second hand stores because you can create your own style instead of wearing the same clothes as everybody else that shops at Wal Mart and K Mart.
I raised my 4 kids ranging anywhere from $400. To $1,200. A month but that was in the 80's and 90's.

Heck, I'm raising a family of 4 in 2008 on less than $2,000 a month. We have our own home, 2 vehicles, and NO savings account. It's all in how you follow your budget and use it wisely. We are actually quite comfortable. Sure we have our rough spots, but that's when I tighten up on the budget and get through it.

I don't think we're too good for anything. I was just looking for some advice, maybe a suggesytion from someone who has been in a similar situation. Not a judgement. Straightforward is good to hear, but nasty is not. My husband's beef with my sister is that she doesn't have enough sense to send goodies for XMas, so I make little goodie bags. I do not spend friviously. As I stated, we don't have the funds. But when It's raining out and my daughters tight have holes in them, what am I to do? Send her bare legged? She has 1 pair of school uniform pants. As for the budget. We have $ 200.00 extra every 2 weeks. That has to cover groceries and anything extra. Like medicine, tights, etc. I did get my daughter a new pair of shoes for XMas. The sole was flapping. Our school charges $ 2.50 per hour for day care.

Maybe I am just naïve...

You say you work at a Christian school. The church I went to when my kids were little had their own school and we would trade clothes. Do you have any friends there that have older kids that could give you clothes that their kids outgrew? Also my one friend couldn't afford to send her kids there so she worked off what she owed them by running hoagie sales and making church banners and helping anyway she could.
I only sent my oldest to the kindergarten one year because I couldn't afford it.
If you can you might even be able to cyberschool her. My state pays for cyberschool and the cyberschool supplies the computer and the courses.

Have you tried applying for foodstamps and medical? You might even be eligible for a little money. They don't take your parents income into account all you have to do is get a letter from them stating that they are letting you stay there until you get on your feet.

Where is your budget bleeding? If it is with credit cards, have you tried credit counseling? They can negotiate lower payments and lower percentage rates.

I agree with J_9. Private school is wonderful - if you can afford it. Living with parents and still not having enough to make ends meet is obviously not working. No one says you can't augment the public school with your own home schooling afterward.

A very good friend of mine refused to put her children in daycare. She decided to go to work for a restaurant as a prep cook for their breakfast rush. She worked from 4 am to 8:30 am and was back before hubby went to work. She then delivered circulars in the evenings from 5pm to 8pm at night. If she wasn't at home, he was. I admired her willingness to do what she had to take care of her family.

You state that you are concerned about your family finances and familial relationships but don't sound open to any of the suggestions given. If you don't want to change your job or change your daughter's school or ask your husband to be more tolerant, you are going to remain just as you are today.

Hun, like I said, I'm not trying to be harsh, but real.

I have been where you are right now. I had no choice but to send my daughter to parochial school in kindergarten as she would have been the only child of her color in her public elementary school that was riddled with violence, crime, and drugs... Yes in elementary school.

We lives with my parents for a short time, we lived with my husband's parents for a short time.

I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. You see, what I needed was kicked in my pants, much as I seem to be doing here, to get ahead.

To help offset the cost of the school, my daughter's school had Bingo on Monday nights, I volunteered my time every Monday night to help with the tuition, you might want to check into that.

But, in all honesty, $2.50 an hour is not bad for the daycare... especially if you are making, say $8.50 an hour.

As I said before, and I will say again, it's all about prioritizing and budgeting. Sticking to your priorities and your budget... That is what got me where I am today. I make less then I did back when my daughter was in private school, but I am living better than I ever have.

Have to spread the rep J_9

YOU GOT the T shirt NOW I DO feel deprived cause I been there done that at least twice over and NO T SHIRT!!

My sister and her husband made $60,000 a year and I did about as good as them on around $10, a year because
I was creative at cutting corners.