I am a freshman at college, and last semester I met the most amazing girl. She is a junior at the same college, and a cheerleader as well. When we first started talking, she made clear that she didn't want a relationship, since she had just broken up with her ex boyfriend of two years. Since then, she has gotten over him and will not be getting back with him, as he is seeing another girl.

We call each other best friends, say we love each other, and talk almost every day knowing we can tell the other anything. I told her how I feel, and that I want her as my girlfriend. She politely told me that she sees me as a brother. I never brought it up again (that was maybe three weeks ago) and since then things have been normal; she even came out to my house for two days to meet my family. She isn't seeing any other guys and isn't as close to any other guys as me.

We have never even kissed, so it's not like she's using me for sex.

I just want to be in a relationship with her, what should I do?!

It sounds like you're stuck in that "friends zone" It's hard to get out of that zone once someone puts you in there. What you have to think though is, since you guys can tell each other everything and are best friends. Is a relationship with her worth risking such a great friendship?

I can't speak for other girls, but unless you make massive changes that will effect the way she sees you, then just forget about breaking out of the friends zone.

But wasn't your friendship pretty much doomed from the get-go because you had "other ideas" in store for the relationship? I mean seriously, I highly doubt you just woke up one day and liked her. I'm sure you liked her from day one and didn't respect the fact that she didn't want anything with you, therefore dooming the friendship.

Oof. Friend zone.

In my experience, my friend, the friend zone is that black hole of relationships that you cannot get out of.

There is ONE way of getting out of the friend zone, and that is, not seeing each other for a while. And by "a while" I mean roughly 2 - 3 years... but this doesn't mean you cut contact with her. Only through moving away or things of that nature. Sorry bud.

Your wasting your time pursuing a relationship, and any further attempts will ruin the friendsip. She has already warned you, by calling you her brother, so forget the romance, period. Sorry, but you can be introduced to her friends, HEHEHE! Being in the friendzone, with a cheerleader doesn't have to be a bad thing.

My boyfriend that I have now and I were best friends for almost a year before we got together. And every time he said he wanted to be with me, I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship. But he kept treating me like a princess and we talked and hung out a lot and then I finally gave him a shot. And I don't regret it at all. So there could be a chance, you just have to give it time. But don't hold your breath. You may want to see what your other options are because things may not pan out in your favour.

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Originally Posted by Rockstar714

My boyfriend that I have now and I were best friends for almost a year before we got together. And everytime he said he wanted to be with me, I told him I didnt' want to be in a relationship. But he kept treating me like a princess and we talked and hung out alot and then I finally gave him a shot. And I don't regret it at all. So there could be a chance, you just have to give it time. But don't hold your breath. You may want to see what your other options are because things may not pan out in your favour.

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Thanks, Rockstar. That's what I'd been thinking. Mafiaangel, I know what you mean, but I have completely and totally respected her wishes, I think that's what put me in the friends zone in the first place -- I treat her like a princess, like Rockstar said, and in doing so sacrifice my own hopes for the relationship.

Here's my way of thinking: She knows I like her and she knows that I would welcome the possibility of a romantic relationship. If she ever wants this, she knows she can have it, and I'm willing to wait until that day. So basically I'm just living my life, going through the routine, and treating her like the amazing woman she is; all while hoping for the best. It's just so darn hard sometimes to wait hahaha :)

Make sure you don't give up your other friends in the process. And DEFINITELY don't let this girl walk all over you. Make sure you have boundaries so you don't end up getting hurt.

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Originally Posted by moneyman89

I just want to be in a relationship with her, what should I do?!?

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You are in a relationship with her... unfortunately it's not the type of relationship you are looking for. She's made it quite clear that you are like a brother to her. She loves you as her best friend, she probably doesn't want to risk that anymore than you do. If anything more happens, then it is going to have to come from her. You can no longer push the issue or you will lose that chance AND your best friend. I wish you the best of luck. I know the pain of loving someone who doesn't love you in the same way, it's not easy, but you have to weigh out the consequences. What hurts more... seeing her every day and knowing you can't be with her the way in which you choose or losing your best friend so that you don't have to look at her everyday. Take some time, think it through. In the end I think your friendship will come above all. Good luck hon!!

<3 Leslie

The best thing to do is be friend with her for naw.tell her that u will always be there for her and help her out on problems she might have.look for the right time to to tell her to give u a chance and see what happens with both of you.

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Originally Posted by moneyman89

Thanks, Rockstar. That's what I'd been thinking. Mafiaangel, I know what you mean, but I have completely and totally respected her wishes, I think that's what put me in the friends zone in the first place -- I treat her like a princess, like Rockstar said, and in doing so sacrifice my own hopes for the relationship.

Here's my way of thinking: She knows I like her and she knows that I would welcome the possibility of a romantic relationship. If she ever wants this, she knows she can have it, and I'm willing to wait until that day. So basically I'm just living my life, going through the routine, and treating her like the amazing woman she is; all while hoping for the best. It's just so darn hard sometimes to wait hahaha :)

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That is right, she knows she can have you anytime she wants you. Because she thinks you will always be waiting. So she can keep the relationship as it is right now and not worry about you going anywhere. So the chances of it progressing are pretty slim if things continue as is. What you got to do is not treat her like a princess. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to treat her badly. But leave the huge, grand jestures up to a boyfriend. Maybe she will get the hint. Maybe not. But at least you won't be seen as this girl's puppy.

I wonder how you will feel, when she meets someone, and can't spend a lot of time with you any more? How will you feel, waiting and hoping, then some guy comes along kissing on your princess? Save yourself the misery, and get a life that you enjoy without her. You will never change her mind sitting on her porch, waiting for crumbs.

If you're such good mates, it's not worth the riskk of putting the pressure on. But it'll probably work in your favour if you don't pander to her every whim. It works in some cases, but not in others.
Keep up the friendship, work on it and be there for her, keep up the late night phonecalls or whatever it is you do. It probably wouldn't hurt to start looking at other girls though. For one thing, it might expand your horizons a little - you might even find someone you can like just as much - and for another, a little jealousy might help your cause.

Good luck... I think we all know the feeling... I'm there at the moment. I'm stuck in a position where I have one of my best friends completely ignoring my wish for our friendship to develop... while another close friend is very unsubtly trying to convince me to get together with him instead. I'm seeing both points of view and not liking either. :S

All the best,
Kal

You are in a win-win situation. You have a female friend, who undoubtably has female friends, who are just looking for a nice guy like you, so instead of waiting for what if, Let her introduce you to her friends, and have a great time.