I started a relationship with a guy when he & I were both married. Neither of us were happy in our marriages. We shouldn’t have done it but we did. He hung around for months & made me feel great, his actions, not just his words made me feel loved. He told me he loved me often & I really felt it (at least I thought). Obviously because of the affair I still had my doubts but I thought it was worth a shot.

I eventually left my husband but my affair partner had decided that I was too wishy washy, (it took me quite a while to decide to leave my husband, I thought I would then I thought maybe not) that I had too many questions that needed to be answered. He was ready for a relationship before I was & I guess he didn't want to put his heart out there on me, who he thinks will go back to my husband. On one hand I see where he is coming from, I was a mess & not ready to be in another relationship. But on the other hand we were going so strong & I thought if he loved me (or even liked me) like he said & I felt, wouldn't he be there when I made up my mind? But he said I didn’t see the signs of him getting frustrated. He also got really upset when I kissed my husband for the last time on the lips. He said I didn’t make him my #1 priority (I think his expectations were a little too high considering I was still married) he was upset that my husband had intimate pictures of me, he had this long list of reasons he just couldn’t be with me anymore.

So he started casually dating very quickly. He said because he couldn’t stand being home moping about me. He needed something to take his mind off me. I of course kept pushing, we can do it, we can make it through this... It pushed him away even more. Now I never see him. I let him initiate contact, which is usually an email, very short, every 2-3 weeks. He pretty much never calls, maybe a text 2-3 weeks. He keeps the bare minimum contact. I have been the typical girl just hoping someday he will be interested in me like he was, but I don’t reach out to him because his actions show no interest in me. I don’t know why he still has any contact. We always said we wanted to try to keep each other in our lives some how but this almost seems pointless.

The other day I talked to him on IM for the first time in months. I never turn my IMs on anymore. We had a nice chat until he hinted that he wanted some intimate pics of me (I had sent some in the past when we were hot & heavy). Now this is a man who pretty much never talks to me, doesn’t include me in his life at all & now he was thinking about the past & decides to ask something of me, sexual in nature of course. It didn’t really sink in till a day later. I didn’t send him anything. I told him I couldn’t do that unless I was involved with the person, I am not that easy. But now that I think of it, I guess he thought that I am that easy. He knows I still care for him deeply, so I guess he thinks that if he shows the slightest interest I will just give in because I want him so badly. I thought he was better than that. I feel like he has reduced me to just an easy sex object. He pretty much stated that he isn't getting any so he is lonely & horny. And I guess he thought that I am little miss always going to be there, so I'll try for it.

So my questions are: Was this just a horny moment & he wasn’t thinking clearly?
Does he see me as easy? I had the affair so maybe I was easy & he still thinks I am?
-Was he really going to use me? He never talks to me & then this?
-Should I just tell him goodbye for good because he no longer has a true interest in me & this just proved that he doesn’t respect or think highly of me?
-Why does he keep this bare minimum contact? I thought it was because deep down he really did care how I was doing but now I wonder is it just to keep tabs? He never showed any other signs of stringing me along. Is he possibly waiting till my divorce is finalized to start to make a move again? We connected really well & before we ever got involved I thought he was a great guy & his wife was lucky. I have had a very hard time getting over him because he turns me on in so many ways, intellectually & physically. However I do not want to be his little toy or in between girl. Since he broke up with me he never asked anything intimate of me at all until the other day.

I have tried to get over him, why waste time on someone who shows no interest in you but I still have a sliver of hope that I haven't been able to shake. Is he a manipulator or just human & made a mistake? Was he showing his true colors as a user & manipulator? I don't want to make excuses for him, I have cut him enough slack & he cut me virtually none.

Sorry this is so long, its really a big deal to me because I don’t want to get used or played, but he is still important to me (why I don’t know, I don’t get anything from him) so I don’t want to cut him if I really shouldn’t.

Thank you for reading.

Hivona,

Sorry but you have made many mistakes regards how you dealt with this. But it isn't too late. You could try going back and making it work with your husband. If that doesn't work then pin this other guy down for an answer, does he want you or doesn't he. My guess is that he doesn't. You were only attractive to him as a married woman, he didn't expect you to actually leave your husband.

You don't want to get used or played? Sorry, but what goes around comes around. You are or were playing around, so don't be surprised when the next guy you fall for cheats on you like you cheated on your husband. It's time to take some responsibility for your part in this fiasco.

The fact that you asked so many questions shows that you don't know what you want. Sort that out and everything else will just fall into place.

Cut him out of your life. If he was still so interested in you now as he was in the past, he would be there today and tomorrow and the rest of tomorrows.
Funny how a married lover who has a married lover can make demands and can get upset. The pictures, the kiss for the husband, etc. Since you both were burning the candle at both ends it seems silly. Did you become as upset at him for his attentions to his wife?

But now you are divorced. Just think - if you were worth waiting for (in his eyes), he would have waited. He would not have gone out and started dating so quickly. He would have had some patience and understanding for you. But he was just thinking about his own needs. His own needs. Not yours, not you and him as a couple, just him.

If you concentrate just on yourself (which is a good thing) you can find that you have room to grow. Some counseling would be a great help to you. Are you now regretting the divorce? Or are you still believing it was the right thing to do?

You need to pull yourself up and get going. Move past the affair - this guy is not in your best interests. Get some therapy. Establish a No Contact policy for yourself, concerning this guy. Take him off all your email and im's and phone numbers lists. Do not call or email or text him. Do not accept any from him - block his numbers and emails. Just do not have anything to do with him.

Instead use your personal time to be productive for yourself. Bring back your soul's balance. The new perspective will help you make better choices and also feel better about yourself. Good luck.

Sorry this may be harsh, but I will be honest the way I see it.
So my questions are: Was this just a horny moment & he wasn’t thinking clearly?
What man thinks clearly when he wants sex, after getting it so freely from you before? Of course he was horny.
Does he see me as easy? I had the affair so maybe I was easy & he still thinks I am?
He thinks you will give it up to him, yes your easy, so he will ask again.
-Was he really going to use me? He never talks to me & then this?
What's there to talk about when he wants sex? Duh!
-Should I just tell him goodbye for good because he no longer has a true interest in me & this just proved that he doesn’t respect or think highly of me?
Now that's a plan, that will end the speculating, and wondering.
-Why does he keep this bare minimum contact? I thought it was because deep down he really did care how I was doing but now I wonder is it just to keep tabs?
TABS ON YOU is the right answer.
He never showed any other signs of stringing me along.
Yes he did, you ignored it wearing those love blinders, I refer you to his break up reasons.
Is he possibly waiting till my divorce is finalized to start to make a move again?
I don't think so, your dreaming and hoping, WAKE UP!
We connected really well & before we ever got involved I thought he was a great guy & his wife was lucky.
You gave him sex, and got sex, that's how you are connected. And since you mentioned it, WHAT ABOUT HIS WIFE, AND WHERE IS HIS DIVORCE?
I have had a very hard time getting over him because he turns me on in so many ways, intellectually & physically. However I do not want to be his little toy or in between girl. Since he broke up with me he never asked anything intimate of me at all until the other day.
He may have been busy with his wife, or another girlfriend, or maybe they were busy that day, and you weren't.
I have tried to get over him, why waste time on someone who shows no interest in you
Finally, there is a brain.
but I still have a sliver of hope that I havent been able to shake.
FALSE HOPE.
Is he a manipulator or just human & made a mistake? Was he showing his true colors as a user & manipulator? I dont want to make excuses for him,
He is a manipulator, and you have made the mistake.
I have cut him enough slack & he cut me virtually none.
Your starting to wake up and see some reality, 'bout time

You got rid of your husband, thinking he would be there for you and he ain't. Reality has sunk in, and you know it was free sex, and you loved it. Hmmm you make no mention of his divorce though, yet you expect him to show you what? Two cheaters, one got played is all this is. He is sitting at home with her having dinner, and thinking of sex with you. Come on, what's wrong with this picture?? Sorry to be so harsh, but you have helped him cheat, and you got the same in return. End this, and get healthy.