I married a girl, and although I love her, I am not sure what lies in the future. Things have been hard for us, but getting better in terms of prospects and careers and so forth. What really hit me hard was Christmas time. We have a 2 yrs old boy, that I raised from birth, because she had to finish off getting her degree, so I raised him and looked after my step son in the holidays. I do mostly all the jobs around the house, like the dishes, mop the floors, vacuum e.t.c, just to make it easy for her, but I find myself that I have to do everything now. My wife decided to go to her parents for Christmas, about 6 hys away, even though we decided to spend it together, but her mum would have been "devastated" if we never went up. Her parents decided to move away, not us, and now she wants to go there all the time. She has holidays in march, and she never thought of me in the plans, just that she was planning on going and giving me a break, which is nice, but she should have talked about it. She has decided to spend it as a family, me,wife and 2 kids. I feel a bit selfish, but I'm only trying to do family things together. We have been married for 3 yrs, and I don't think she understands the meaning of it. All I want is to build a solid family for us and security, but she seems to run from the idea. I am seeing a counselor at the minute because of all the stress and anxiety and what all this is doing to me, and I have to go to the hospital for internal examination for colon cancer, which is scary. I told her it might be a god idea if I move out for a while, bu she doesn't want that. I don't know if she wants me to go, or the routine I have in the house, like looking after my son, the housework and so forth. I try hard to make the marriage work, but also feel that her parents get in the way, and she chooses her parents over her own family, which I find wrong. Am I selfish? I really do feel that I am a doormat in this, and I am second in everything she does.

Honey, you are being taken for a ride. I don't know what your counselor has to say about this but I would advise you to get a job of your own and let her take care of her own son and start doing the housework! She has used you (it sounds like) from day one. The more things you do "for her" the LESS she will do for herself and you.

What kind of person were you before you met up with her? Did you let people push you around like you are now? I hope not. You need to do a lot of self searching on yourself to see if you are happy the way you are now (which sounds like you are not) and just how you would like your life to be. Your colon problems sound like you are holding a lot of things "in" and literally punishing yourself in the process physically. Your body can send signals telling you that everything is not aokay with you emotionally.

Please think of just what she has done "for you" in the past 2 years and honestly answer yourself if your sacrifice has been worth it. Child care is readily available during the day and you can certainly find someone to leave your son with and pursue a career of your own. Why have you put her ahead of you and your son in the first place?

Try reading some of Wayne Dyer's books or better yet, listen to some of his tapes you can download from your local library. You sound like you need some spiritual inner strength help. You need to pay more attention to you, not her. And yes, she does not want you to leave, because then she'll have to "grow up" and be a mother to her son and actually do something for a change. You really need to start planning what YOU want to do... not deferring everything to her. If she wants to go see mommy and daddy, let her go alone. They have probably caved into her a long time ago. Maybe that's why they moved away - to get away from her! You and your son can have wonderful times without her. Sounds like you and your son would probably be better off without her in the long run as she is the selfish one, not you.

Robo65, I'm a mature woman and I don't think you are being selfish. A family member of mine had a similar problem (ie: husband did everything his mom wanted and put his wife in second position). They went to counseling and the counselor told him he needed to stand by his wife, not his mother. I believe feeling bad about our life situation can make us sick. If you use up your life force being stressed you won't have any left for life. You can't make her into who you want, you only get to decide whether you want to be with her or not. That's just my thoughts... I've been divorced twice but I'm happy and healthy.

Robo,

"Welcome to my world."

I'm going to be 61 this month. I'm retired and prior to last year my lady only worked as a substitute legal secretary. The firm she works at now is the same one she used to work for some 30 years ago. They made her an offer I couldn't refuse and now she is full time Legal Assistant. We moved here to Virginia in 2005.

Now Bonnie tottles off to work in the morning and I play catch-up on my ever expending Honey-do-list. I never get to close to the end of the list of course and if I should somehow manage to clear the list, I get offered to my sister-in-law to work on her list. This is a cruel world for us guys. But that's the way that it is.

I get to do fun things, like laundry, dishes, general clean-up, (never quite correct), cook, run errands, baby sit for a 2 yr. old (finally some one I can understand) and otherwise be a general nuisance in the scheme of things. You know what, I thoroughly enjoy it.

For me, taking Sean outside and walking or playing are just pure pleasure.

I still have plenty of time for my stuff, Umpiring baseball (High School through instructional children's leagues. No pro or college), Algebra, Electricity, electronics, Computer math, Printer datastream analysing, answering questions on the web. So far there is no downside.

I remember once telling my lady I was having my entitled mid-life crisis, her response was that I had missed my chance. I had been to busy to take it when she had allotted time for it so suck-it-up and you've still got things to do.

On the subject of Mom's. My Mom wanted nothing to do with us after we eloped, so we always spent time with her Mom and Dad. This was family as I had hoped it actually was!

I think your doing a lot of this to yourself. Get a life that doesn't evolve around the house and kids, as a good stress relief, and I'll bet your view of the world improves, and you can deal with what I think may be depression. Just curious as to what your counselor says for you to be doing??