Hello there,

I will summerise my situation - I haven't been on here for a little while but I found this site so useful when I went through the different stages in my break up I thought I would tell you where I am at now.

I have been single since July, I was with someone for 3 years and it knocked me hard. I had made huge efforts to keep the relationship going but in the end I was the only one fighting, he had wanted me in the beginning and chased me and in the end it was me fighting to hope that one day he would feel that way again.

I have not really spoken to him or seen him - though we did spend the night together about a month ago but that will not happen again... he made it quite clear that we wouldn't be giving our relationship another chance so I swallowed my pride and got on with things again.

I had a bad year last year, not just the relationship breakdown, the day after we split I lost one grandparent and then two months later I lost my last grandparent who I was very close to, I also got shafted at work and at this point I crumbled.

I have got a new job doing something that I think I want to do - I have got a date coming up this Wednesday with a man I met over Christmas but I feel nothing...

This man has called me a couple of times and is really very sweet but I just don't feel bothered at all! I am going to go because I feel this is the sort of thing I need to do for myself.

I guess my question is, I still feel heavy hearted sometimes and I feel the loss of my ex (even though he was never really supportive - I just miss his love) How long is it before I give myself a break? How long is it till I just stop plastering my smile on and actually FEEL the smile?

I have to say, I no longer love my ex, he hurt me too much and I know we are not compatible - if I know this, then why can I not move on?

These things take time. And don't date others just because you feel you have to ; do it when you're ready. It may take another 6 months or so before you feel totally back to normal. You've been through a lot this past year. But you need to start living for yourself. Do the things you want to do and make you happy without even worrying about anyone else.

I just wish I knew what it was that made me happy. I have plenty of friends, I used to love my life that I had and I'm just not sure what it is that I want anymore. This new job will hopefully inject something into me.

I don't know, one of my best friends said to me the other day that I am the most cheerful and optimistic people she knows but I just don't feel that way anymore, I can be funny and I can be the person I was but I just feel an emptiness inside that wasn't there before. Maybe I should give myself more time - I will go on this date though as I might enjoy it! It might be good for me... we'll see I guess.

Just give yourself more time. It took me almost 9 months to get over my ex. I was In such a bad state of mind after my breakup and honestly thought I would never be happy again. The day that I realized that my heart was finally mending was one of the happiest days I've ever had! Yes! by all means go on the date! It definitely could be good for you, and start you on a road to healing and of feeling good again. Just be sure to let the guy you're going out with know of what's going on so that he won't anticipate getting something from you that you're just not ready to give. With a bit more time you'll actually feel your smiles instead of forcing them... Been there, done it, so believe me I know! :)

''he had wanted me in the beginning and chased me and in the end it was me fighting to hope that one day he would feel that way again.''
Think about the fact that this man you're going to see might not be so interesting at first sight,but if you'll be open and honestly willing to get to know him,just as friends... maybe things will change... or maybe not... you can never really know
I mean,think about how your ex was chasing you(you probably weren't that interested since he had to chase) and in the end you ended up switching roles!hah,who ever thought that will happen? I know EXACTLY how it is.
You don't have to force yourself into anything,be patient with yourself and let them fall where they may.give it a (relaxed) shot

Don't get impatient now, you just need more time.

Thanks, it went pretty well though I didn't really have that thing where I fancied him massively, but like the person above said - I didn't at first feel that way about my ex so have been willing to give it a chance. Its been lovely to have someone interested in me, and also someone to go out with on that basis, I went on a second date tonight and I told him that I wasn't ready for anything serious but he is in the same position as me so even if nothing happens I may have made a new friend so that's always good.

My new job is going really well so I am really happy about that, been making plans for this year so all is good! Just went on Facebook though and saw some pics with my ex in which made me feel a bit sad, I missed him a bit, though it makes me feel more sad because I cannot miss him in the way that I did because we no longer have that relationship and I honestly have no idea what we have to talk about anymore... feels like a complete waste of 3 years...

I wish it wasn't this way.

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Originally Posted by lisalou

hello there,

I will summerise my situation - I havent been on here for a little while but I found this site so useful when I went through the different stages in my break up I thought I would tell you where I am at now.

I have been single since July, I was with someone for 3 years and it knocked me hard. I had made huge efforts to keep the relationship going but in the end I was the only one fighting, he had wanted me in the beginning and chased me and in the end it was me fighting to hope that one day he would feel that way again.

I have not really spoken to him or seen him - though we did spend the night together about a month ago but that will not happen again... he made it quite clear that we wouldn't be giving our relationship another chance so I swallowed my pride and got on with things again.

I had a bad year last year, not just the relationship breakdown, the day after we split I lost one grandparent and then two months later I lost my last grandparent who i was very close to, I also got shafted at work and at this point I crumbled.

I have got a new job doing something that I think I want to do - I have got a date coming up this wednesday with a man I met over Christmas but I feel nothing....

This man has called me a couple of times and is really very sweet but I just don't feel bothered at all! I am going to go because I feel this is the sort of thing I need to do for myself.

I guess my question is, I still feel heavy hearted sometimes and I feel the loss of my ex (even though he was never really supportive - i just miss his love) How long is it before I give myself a break? How long is it till i just stop plastering my smile on and actually FEEL the smile?

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Hi
I think that you had some hard times but soon you will feel that smile just try different guys and about your familt talk with your rents aand they will unnderstand if you need to cry let it out you will feel beetter!!

Hey you! Similar situation here (if you want read my war and peace post about it) I am actually feeling a lot better although not 100% and feel like I am treading on egg shells with my emotions!

If you want a chat and some advice from someone in sim situation at the mo, it may be helpful?

PM me if so

J x