Hello

I am having trouble with an ex girlfriend. When I was 17 I went out with this girl for about 18months and it was our first love, it ended when she went to university and I was getting jealous about her being out all the time, and I suppose I was a bit obsessed. It took me quite a while to get over her, but I've never had a serious girlfriend since. She has a new boyfriend and has been going out with him for years and lives with him, she says that is because she lost her mum and did not want to live with her step dad or dad. Whenever I have ever seen my ex out we always used to flirt and chat, but about 6 months ago we ended up kissing and swapping numbers, things eventually went further and ended up sleeping together occasionally and speak on the phone daily, I really want to be with her and she says she loves me, and is going to leave him once she finishes university this summer and gets a job. The situation didn’t really bother me too much, I think she will leave him whether its for me or not, however over xmas I seen her out with him and things really got to me and we ended up arguing, then she went away with him at new year, but was saying she wished it was with me. My head is all over the place though thinking what is she up to while she's there, I feel really down and I know things will not work out if I can’t stop feeling depressed. I don’t know what to do, don’t know whether I'm being a fool for doing what I'm doing and believing she will leave him for me soon?

Hi, rick,
At 63 yrs old, I have learned that life is full of surprises, and sometimes, heartache.
I don't think I ever learned to deal with losing someone I loved, it took time. After being married now for almost 29 yrs, I really am not worried about it.
But, at 20 yrs old, my girlfriend and I were deeply in love, or so I thought. After she found someone else, going to college, it took me a year to get over it, so I could start meeting other girls.
In my opinion, if this girl were serious with you, she would be with you, and not be giving excuses why she is living with someone else!
I really don't think she loves you. I know it's hard, but try to move on. Talking with other girls will open up a wonderful world of love, meeting someone who respects you, is honest and truthful, and wants to be with you.
It will happen eventually. I do wish you the best, and Happy New Year. Make this the year you meet new people, and you will find the girl who loves you.

Hi

Yeah, so many people have said I should end it, I have thought to if she really wanted to be with me then she would be now, but it I do speak to her a lot, in fact too much as my brother always says, but she will be ringing me whilst he is in her house and she is upstairs doing uni work, and I just sometimes feel if she didn't like me or want to be with me why would she put the effort in to speak to me so much?I no your probably thinking fool like everyone else and I do agree but then there's part of me which believes she wants to leave him once she has a job. I would like it if I could just relax about the situation, and see what becomes of it once she does have a job and see if she leaves him then, but like over this xmas things have really got to me and that is when we argue when we speak, when I'm happy we get on well. I know it seems I'm talking myself into things but there's part of me which believes things can work out, but then the other half says wake up you fool. Does this make any sense? Probobly not

Hi,
Yes it does make sense... been there, done that.
Sounds like she just wants to be friends. You can keep talking with her and hope what she says is true, about leaving her boyfriend.
Or, break it off.
I know it's a hard decision, either way. There also the chance that she is "just leading you on".
Good luck.

Hi Rick Let me start by saying I think your lady loves you on some bizarre level,but I also know for a fact that she's playing you like a fiddle!How can I know this,you ask?She lives with some dude and keeps calling you, telling you to hang in when she finished with him then it'll be your turn again.It doesn't take a rocket scientist to fiqure out what she's probably telling this other guy because he's still there.So while she's doing her thing right in front of your face ,your moping a round waiting like she told you to do until she gets ready.Does this make sense to you?Are you so in love that you would allow someone to trample on yourself respect with such impunity?This is not love it is control! My next question,what do you think you should do about this?Personaly I would be cussin'and fussin' and raisin' hell for her to get the **** out of my life don't come back!This is not a healthy love and this is no time to wuss out with that -oh,but I love her so... bull!I have been saying quite a lot lately that there are so many good females that would treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve so why put up with g/f's crap!As long as you allow her to control you you will never find that good healthy love that's for you!Last question,Just for food of thought what do you think her reaction to you dating some fine philly and not have time for her be?Just think about it.:cool:

I am in agreement here. The chick is playing with you and you need to see that. You are a great and wonderful guy and You do not deserve second place behind some other man. Don't contact this girl anymore. You go make time for you and hang out with the buddies and when you are ready get you that good woman you deserve.

Hi

Thanks for your replies, yes I know that deep down she is playing me, and although she says she doesn't want to hurt me again, that is what she is doing. When we fell out before she went away I said I wanted to leave it, although it ended us saying we will sort it out when she gets back. Would you not even say its worth finishing properly and setting things straight? I think I know the answer, well I know what I would tell a friend in the same predicament, but its harder putting things into practice yourself. What I was telling myself before all this, was that there must be something worth while if we still had feelings after being finshed with one another for so long, but yes you are right I am losing myself respect the way things are now. Just wished she could have decided she liked me again once she'd finished with this fella, instead of coming along and screwing up my head and at least given us a chance.