I am wanting to find out if I can get back with my ex. We broke up some time ago. To be exact 6 years ago. We dated for 7 years before I had our daughter. My family did not like him because he did not have money they thought he was trash. I knew different. But when my daughter was born she had to stay in the hospital for several weeks. My ex really was trying to make it possible for me to be able to be with her everyday and he was working I was not cleared to go back to work right away. But he did not know that we were on the verge of losing our apartment. I never told him I thought I would find a way to take care of it. My family found out about this and played on it. They told me that the only way that they would help me is if I got rid of my ex. I did not want to do it but I had not choice. I knew that the only way I was going to make him leave was to tell him that I did not love him and never did. He was hurt and left. I regrated this but I could not do anything about it. When my daughter came home I found out that she has cerebral palsy and hearing loss. Doctors told me that she would not live to be 3 but she did. I wanted to tell my ex her father everything. I learned that my family and his was working to keep us apart. I am not able to get in contact with him. I wish my daughter knew her father. I tell her about him every day. The only thing left from him to her she sleeps with every night. I cry myself to sleep every night with the regret of what I did.

I am so sorry you are so broken-hearted. We make choices sometimes that we believe are the best and sadly, we cannot have 'overs' so to speak but sometimes we are able to help to explain why we made certain decisions to those we have hurt and ask their forgiveness. In so doing, one must be prepared that that person might not respond as we would like them to.

Perhaps if we have more information, we might better give a little help on avenues you might take to at least let him know the truth of what happened.

I have many questions at this time, more than suggestions. Since he knows he has a daughter, has he ever attempted to be a part of her life?

Is this an ex husband or ex boyfriend? Do you live in the same town as he does or is it a situation where you do not know where he lives now? Is he currently married? Are your parents and his still working to keep you apart or was this in the beginning and could they have mellowed a bit by now about it? Is your regret the hurt you caused him or not staying with him? Hang in there.

Please give us a little more information and we will do our best to give plausible suggestions. There are great relationship experts on this site. Be patient and keep checking the site. :)

You have had no contact wit him for 6 years? What's he doing now? Why has he not been in his daughters life? Why are you listening to your families?

Well to tell you he has not had contact with his daughter because of my family and his. At the time that I had my daughter I was always doing what my family wanted me to do. I was also a spoiled brat and got my way a lot. That is why I believed what my family said. I most recently found out that my family told his family that he was not the father. I am sure that his family has told him that. Until just recently he would not be able to find us if he wanted to. He does not live in the area. I know that he is with his family in South Carolina. That is why I am not able to get around him. I know that his family knows of my daughters condition but they have not let him know about it. I know that he is single. It would be my ex boyfriend we were going to get married when this happened. My family did not want that to happen. I would have to say that my regret is both. I wish that I could still be with him but I also regret ever hurting him. I wish so many times that I could just go back and not say what I said. I am not sure that he would ever forgive me for that.

Wow I don't want to touch this with a 10 foot pole. But let me try.

If I were him, and you contacted me out of the blue to tell me all this, I would be very mad at your family, but I would be equally mad at you, if not more so. With that said, I would also be grateful that you called. So I think you should try your best to find him, call him, and tell him the whole story.

But don't jump in with a plan or anything, just let it all sink in first. That has to be your first step. Everything else will follow.

While I find it disturbing that your family influences your life, to the extent of running your child's father off, with your help, I must add, he still should know the truth and should be told ASAP. I don't know what his reaction will be, but for now just tell him the truth.

I would not blame him for being mad at me. I made the biggest mistake of all by listening to my family. With that said I also know that for the past 6 years I have been living in my own personal hell. I have not forgiven myself for what I did. I hurt the one person that never did anything to hurt me at all. I wish I could change it but I cant. All I can do is try to make up for it. I just don't know how to yet. That is if I ever get the chance I am not able to get in touch with him. If that can not happen I will always carry this around with me and wonder what might have happened if I was not dumb.

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Originally Posted by lostfemale

i would not blame him for being mad at me. i made the biggest mistake of all by listening to my family. with that said i also know that for the past 6 years i have been living in my own personal hell. i have not forgiven my self for what i did. I hurt the one person that never did anything to hurt me at all. I wish i could change it but i cant. all i can do is try to make up for it. I just dont know how to yet. that is if i ever get the chance i am not able to get in touch with him. If that can not happen i will always carry this around with me and wonder what might have happened if i was not dumb.

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With today's technology, this should not be a problem. You know his name... NOW FIND HIM! Stop wasting your time here. :)

Closure brings much healing. You have nothing to lose by contacting him. Whether he accepts your apology and reacts the way you desire or rejects your apology, it will give you a kind of closure (sometimes we don't accept closure unless we get the result we want so we continue to hang onto that which is causing so much pain) to move forward and quit beating yourself up. Go for it. Best to you and your child.