Ask Me Help Desk - How do you know if a guy is sincere?

How do I know if a guy is sincere? I have been going out with my boyfriend for just about 3 months and I feel confused because he is 24 and I'm 20 and he has had a lot of experience with women and I've only had one boyfriend before him (actually an ex-fiancee)and my ex-fiancee began by being a good person, but turned into this controlling, manipulative guy, so I broke it off with him.

What scares me is that both of them share similar interests: they are both engineers, both like action movies, and both have similar personality quirks that make me feel scared that he is going to do the same things he did or make me feel the same way my ex-fiancee did... although of course he is a different person, I know that and I see it too, but I just feel wary of him and I almost feel like I can't trust him sometimes--is this normal? Will there ever be a time when I feel like I can trust him like I trust my best girlfriends? Should I trust him? Thanks

The answer is what they call time, you spend time with them, get a relationship that grows. Let the relationship get a friendship between the two of you. Base it on interest, activities beyond jumping in the bed( not saying you are doing that) but far too many couples never actually talk and every date seems to end up in bed. That is not getting to know each other.

** by the way what is wrong with action shows I would have worried more if he wanted to watch Soaps.

Hi,
Three months is not a very long time at all. Trust is something that comes with time, as another said. These first three months are really learning experiences about him, kind of forming "first impressions" about him.
Since you are having a lot of doubt about this relationship, you might do well to move on. By meeting new men, talking with them, eventually you will find someone who you can trust, without having doubts.
Of course, the decision is yours. You can either stay with him, hope it works out, or move on. At 20 yrs old, and this is only your second boyfriend, you have a lot of time left to find someone who is just right for you.
Happy New Year!

At this point I don't see any reason not to trust him. It really isn't fair to judge this one based on the actions of your ex-fiance. When he gives you an actual reason not to trust him, that's a different story. Don't read too much into "little personality quirks" ; that isn't fair either. Remember, nobody's going to be perfect. Everyone is going to have little "quirks" that may make you feel uncomfortable. That doesn't make him a bad person and it doesn't mean he isn't sincere. Look at his overall character traits: is he an honorable, upstanding man? Does (or will) he have the means to be a good provider? Does he bid well to be a faithful husband and father? Does he come from a loving, supportive family? If the answer to all of these questions is yes, then you've got yourself a good catch. On the other hand, if you find that you must say no to any of these, then you've got a red flag to be concerned about. Just remember to stay focused on the important things, not the trivial ones.

Quote:

Originally Posted by youtooqt

How do I know if a guy is sincere? I have been going out with my bf for just about 3 months and I feel confused because he is 24 and I'm 20 and he has had a lot of experience with women and I've only had one bf before him (actually an ex-fiancee)and my ex-fiancee began by being a good person, but turned into this controlling, manipulative guy, so I broke it off with him.

What scares me is that both of them share similar interests: they are both engineers, both like action movies, and both have similar personality quirks that make me feel scared that he is going to do the same things he did or make me feel the same way my ex-fiancee did...although of course he is a different person, I know that and I see it too, but I just feel wary of him and I almost feel like I can't trust him sometimes--is this normal? Will there ever be a time when I feel like I can trust him like I trust my best girlfriends? Should I trust him? Thanks

Trust and faithfulness are essential to a good relationship. I think the trusting is the hardest part for most people. The first thing to remember is that your boyfriend is not your ex-boyfriend. And that not all guys are jerks, in fact, most of them are nice. You should give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt, give him a real chance and assume that he will be trustworthy. You must try not to be so insecure or paranoid, it could drive him away. What you need to do is relax, don't let what happened between you and your ex get in the way of your current relationship. In a healthy relationship, trust usually develops over time. This is when you get to know if your dating partner is honest, reliable, trustworthy and loyal. You can strengthen your relationship with one simple behavior, be understanding of your partner's feelings. Having a relationship also requires communication, cooperation, and compromise, it's the only way for couple resolve issues. Talk to your boyfriend, let him know how you feel, I'm sure he will reassure you that you having nothing to worry about. Communication helps to strengthen the foundations of a relationship.

The phrase "you never know until you try" comes in to mind here. I will give a perfect example. My recent g/f and I were together for a couple of months. Things were going great.. she seemed "perfect". Then I find out that she is cheating on me the whole time we were together, but her attitude showed very much that she was committed to only me, and showed that nothing was wrong. I dated a girl last year (2004) who had almost a similar personality, interests, etc. as my recent g/f. I dated that girl last year for about 6 months, and the reason we broke it off was because of something we both agreed on mutually (I was spending a lot of time with my band playing shows, practice, etc, and she was going to school full time). Me and her are still good friends. So, basically, you can't judge someone based on something another did, or based on how similar they are to another. I am not going think that every girl is a cheater just because my last g/f cheated on me. Everyone is different and unique. There are still some good people left in the world ;) :). I only give one bit of advice, which is what everyone else is pretty much saying as well (I should have taken this advice myself with my last g/f.. Lol). You can't tell if someone is "sincere" within 3 months... that is part of trust, which needs to build up over time (it's like having faith in something or someone), BUT, don't go being suspicious with everything that they do... if you are suspicious about everything, than trust will never be able to build up, and too much suspicion just makes you go crazy :).

I agree with everyone here. I don't think its fair to base someone else's character on your past boyfriend. No one likes to be jesus on a cross for the ex. Give the guy a chance and give the relationship time. Be good to him. You know what? If a man is sincere then you will know it. If you ever find yourself saying " if he cared he wouldnt do" or "if he cared he wouldnt say that" then you might be with the wrong one.