Well this is how it all started. I went to a bar with my friends and she was at the bar I was at. She was talking to one of her x flings and I got all pissed off. So I walked up to her and I was like what the hell are u doing. She was like nothing don't worry about me. Then throguh out the whole night this kid kept following her around. So I went up to the them and said to the guy some rude stuff like (well looks like both of us have stuck or penis in her) Then she got all mad and got the whole bar after me. So now that the whole bar is after me I wanted to leave , well she left first then I left and we haven't spoke since except through a few text messages . The text messages weren't to pleasing they were like "I hate You" and "Die". Then the other night she text me again saying "i hate you" "do you miss me" bla bla bla..
The point I'm getting at I've been with her for almost four years I've known her through out high school and she used to date one of my best friends and they broke up, then a few years later we started dating or "going out". The first year was cool the second year was all right then the third year it was breaking up then getting back together fighting screaming at each other so on so on . We would fight a lot over the phone cause I dodnt pick up or she didn't pick up when one called or I was late or she was late so on so on. She would spend the night at my house every night she was always with me. Now that this has happened its like all I think about is her and I can't get her out of my head. I always wonder what she is doing who she is with and who is she hooking up with. My brain can not handle this and its really bothering me. Seems like every time I try to make things better I get no respect for it at all, I get treated like **** and basically stepped on when I make the attempt to make this work. Its really pissing me off. I mean we've had our problems some bad and some really bad but just the fact how can someone change over night. She hangs out with all the people I know and I hang out with people she knows its all f-up. Every second I get up she's on my mind and when I go to bed she's on my mind. She's always there in my brain and I can't seem to get her out of it what the hell am I supposed to do. I know this girl has a sexual side to her and every guy that looks at her wants to get in her pants and she gets drunk all the time then I wonder what if she did that or did this . Im still waiting to hear that she is sleeping with someone else cause its bound to happen when your not together. So what do u think I should do. And truthfully I can't believe I put this on a message board but I need advice really bad cause I'm about to go crazy or do something dumb.

Just the fact how can someone change in a split second?

You sound like you have some trust issues which from what you've told us I really don't blame you. It seems like the girl has no respect for you. You have to cut all ties with her. Go hang out else where away from her. Don't answer her texts. Just lay low for a while. Believe me I know how it is not to be able to get someone off your mind. I know you are not married but a relationship counselor would really help you in dealing with your problem. This girl is no good for you.

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Originally Posted by crankiebabie

You sound like you have some trust issues which from what youve told us I really dont blame you. It seems like the girl has no respect for you. You have to cut all ties with her. Go hang out else where away from her. Dont answer her texts. Just lay low for a while. Believe me i know how it is not to be able to get someone off your mind. I know you are not married but a relationship counselor would really help you in dealing with your problem. This girl is no good for you.

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Relationship counselor there is know way I'm going to one of those! I will take your advice on leaving the girl alone and cut all ties with her.. thanks for your post needed someone or something to help me out with this little problem I'm having. To me it seems like a mid life crisis.

I definitely agree with crankiebabie, sever the ties with her. She sounds like she needs to grow up a little bit. And you can't keep getting stepped on.

Hi,
I agree with the other answers you have received; let her go.
It's very, very hard to be in love with someone, who doesn't love you.
I am 63 now, married 28 yrs,, been there... done that!
Eventually, time will help you get over this. Talking with others is the best way. Meet some new girls, and it will help.
Things take time and I do wish you the very best, and good luck.
Happy New Year!

I really can't answer you question about how or why she's changed but from your post it doesn't sound as if the two of you are very compatible. As you've said, all the two of you do is fight all the time. It seems as if the two of you have different value systems and that usually doesn't make for a very good relationship. If I were in your shoes I'd be quite concerned about her heavy drinking and flirtatious behavior. This person doesn't exactly sound like the kind of girl you'd want to "take home to Mom", if you get my drift. Personally, I'd seek out someone who's respectable and who'd be faithful to you, knowing of course that I'd have to treat her the same way.

Hey brother... I`ve been where you are believe me its better to walk away...

This particular line here:

"know this girl has a sexual side to her and every guy that looks at her wants to get in her pants and she gets drunk all the time then i wonder what if she did that or did this"

Dude it sounds to me that the initial attraction between you two was based purely on a lust/sexual attraction... which has led to a fairly long relationship between you both that still seems to be of that nature... you haven't really elaborated enough to as to whether you really do love this girl or whether you just love to be "with" her...

I`ve been there, done that, as the others who have replied to your post have said, its not doing you any good and if you continue to stay stuck in a moment then you ain`t going to progress past where you are which seems to be in a state of feeling hopelessly impotent and unable to let go...

I agree with what you say about this girls behaviour while drunk/off tap etc and in all honesty I think women at that particular age are of the state of mind where they are definitely not of a stable frame of mind, that said ladies I`m not categorising nor stereotyping all women, I`m just stating the obvious regarding this particular situation.

Mate I`m never one to presume to assume anything but listen to what your head says not your **** OK, this girl is only going to leave you with baggage that's going to get harder and harder to leave behind as the days go by... also I found in my case that talking to your relo`s i.e mum,dad,brothers sisters and asking them for objective and unbiased opinions can help more than you think, not that you will always get an unbiased opinion from those people but they more often than not have been there as well and can give you honest objective and constructive ways and options to help you through it...

One final thing brother... It`s a new year... Theres a new bus every 5 minutes... Go and buy a ticket, get on a new one and see where it takes you... You`ll be surprised to see what you find along the way to where ever it is you go... McNuggy

Oh by the way my opinion is purely my own... I`m just letting you know what my interpretation of your tale of woe is... I`m not really ever one to offer advice on love and relationships as I`ve found it always leads to drama... I just thought that I would post because I actually posted something on here sumtime back and the same people here who have posted gave me honest and objective opinions to which I was appreciative... good luck dude...

Very well put Mcnuggy. I couldn't have said it any better.:p

Instead of doing something stupid do something smart.instead of going crazy just think a minute,you've already spent enough time to know how this girl is so can't you just leave that behind and get a real women. My God every time I hear about a dude whose so in love he lets himself get involved in these deadend relationships I start to wonder where is man headed.I guess any one can love a loser or a woman with issues but dog gonnit guy you jump in with both feet and then can't figure out how to leave bad news alone and all these good females are just waiting for a good man to love.Get yourself together and make some deserving woman happy and don't look back!:cool:

Easy buddy, its only been 3-4 weeks! You can't just snap out of it like that, give it time and things will get better. TRUST ME! Nobody can tell you why someone else changes, they just do somethims. I have really found that gilrs in the 21 age range get confused fairly easily (most, not all). Join a gym, that's what I did and 4 months later I am getting more attention from women than I ever did (not because of the gym really). I found that this is actually a GREAT age to be single, I am 24 as well and living up single life. Just take it one step at a time buddy, these things are not easy. Just be single for a while, I think I will be for at least a year so I can pull myself together. I was in my relationship for 5 years and it *poof* ended like that. Just get back to being you, Don't CALL OR TALK TO HER!! Everything will be fine, listen to music and do whatever you want now, that's the best part!!

Hey dude,

I'm in exactly the same situation but its been 2 months now and she has gone through 1 guy and now dating another who I actually know which sucks. The hardest part for me is that we have a 2 and a half year old daughter, I can't get over her cus' I need her to get to my daughter, yes things could be worse, i.e.. Not being able to see my daughter but I have to go round our old house which I built up and seeing another guy on my was once territory.

I have been fine for a week then feel like dying the next. Very very difficult times. I hope after xmas and the new year comes I can get over it a bit better as I think I am more vulnerable this time of year as my birthday is on the 31'st too.

I love her so much but I know we will never get back together, she has changed dramatically and its like I'm non existent to her which sucks.

My advice is ignore her don't contact or get in contact, its easier said than done, I've tried it and I can't help but want to speak to her when things start getting at me in my head

I am happy that the love feeling inside has gone but its in my mind like yours, how do we shake it, I don't know, all I ever see is people say 'time'. I think its more of how strong you are and getting through the 1st stage of her seeing other guys.

I have been very respectible to my ex and let her get on with these guys but she always rubs it in my face by saying "im going on a date" then I say "with who" then she will say "im not telling its a secret" like this, I can't carry on anymore so I'm only going to speak to her about our daughter in the future

Chin up lad, it could be worse!

She probably feels the same