I was together with this girl for two years. Since we graduated school in May I she just gradually kept acting weirder. She would talk less, and placed more emphasis on her friends. I didn't mind any of it I figured it was normal. We saw each other about 3 times a month, we live about 40 minutes away but I had just gotten a job 5 minutes from her house. We had lived together in college our senior year, so I figured that space was a great thing for the both of us. But in all two years I had never once hung out or met all of her friends. Her excuse was that she didn't see them that often and that was her time with them. (They're all single too & one of them is her ex) At times I would think you know she doesn't love me, and I tried talking to her about it once in September and she just kind of said what are you talking about I still love you but space is good for us. Later that month she blew up on me when we hadn't seen her for 3 weeks and I brought it up again, and did the same thing in November which ended our relationship. She said she didn't need to check in with someone.
The thing is I NEVER bugged her about where she was or who she was with, I just questioned why we didn't see each other more than 2 or 3 times a month especially when we were so close. She said she needs to regain who she is, because she doesn't know anymore. When we broke up she said she didn't love me and that she was faking our relationship. Now 5 weeks later, it has turned into I still have all these feelings, I just need to figure myself out now and don't want a boyfriend. And whenever I tell her maybe we should both move on she throws something like "Ive been thinking about getting back together with you" or " i still have these feeligns for you and I KNOW it can work out with us in the future, but not now". I can't tell if she means it or she's just making me her . She's had almost two months to see how it is, and we'll get back to talking everyday / all day for about a week and I'll just ask her if she's been thinking about things and she'lll just flip out on me, but when it gets to us parting ways she pulls the same where she ropes me back in with her words. Do some people really just need time to figure themselves out, or do you think that if somebody really loves you you'll be together?

She sounds dependent on relationships. You don't, so good for you!

The best way to get things straight, is by telling her that you think it would be a good idea to not see or talk to each other for a while. NO CONTACT, no talking to friends, etc. If you can do this for like a month, maybe 2, then you will both have a better understanding of what you both want.

By the way, I think you sort of know that she's probably not "the one" for you, just by the way you wrote things. You haven't really gotten to know her friends? You know she hangs out with her ex? She said she loved you, then took it back? I don't know, she's probably really confused too.

You sound like a great guy though! I suggest no contact. If you initiate it, it will be more powerful. I suggest writing a journal in that time, excercising, bettering yourself by reading books, etc. Get to know and love yourself more, first. Then the decision for you and her to try and get back together or not will be a lot easier.

Do you ever get a sick feeling in your stomach, or feel confused about how she is treating you? Check this: Why You Should Stop Being the Backup Guy Before It's Too Late

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Originally Posted by DMBacoustic

I was together with this girl for two years. Since we graduated school in May I she just gradually kept acting weirder. She would talk less, and placed more emphasis on her friends. I didn't mind any of it i figured it was normal. We saw each other about 3 times a month, we live about 40 mins away but I had just gotten a job 5 mins from her house. We had lived together in college our senior year, so I figured that space was a great thing for the both of us. But in all two years I had never once hung out or met all of her friends. Her excuse was that she didn't see them that often and that was her time with them. (They're all single too & one of them is her ex) At times i would think you know she doesnt love me, and i tried talking to her about it once in september and she just kinda said what are you talking about i still love you but space is good for us. Later that month she blew up on me when we hadnt seen her for 3 weeks and i brought it up again, and did the same thing in november which ended our relationship. She said she didnt need to check in with someone.
The thing is I NEVER bugged her about where she was or who she was with, i just questioned why we didnt see each other more than 2 or 3 times a month especially when we were so close. She said she needs to regain who she is, because she doesnt know anymore. When we broke up she said she didnt love me and that she was faking our relationship. Now 5 weeks later, it has turned into i still have all these feelings, i just need to figure myself out now and dont want a boyfriend. And whenever i tell her maybe we should both move on she throws something like "Ive been thinking about getting back together with you" or " i still have these feeligns for you and I KNOW it can work out with us in the future, but not now". I can't tell if she means it or shes just making me her . Shes had almost two months to see how it is, and we'll get back to talking everyday / all day for about a week and i'll just ask her if shes been thinking about things and she'lll just flip out on me, but when it gets to us parting ways she pulls the same where she ropes me back in with her words. Do some people really just need time to figure themselves out, or do you think that if somebody really loves you you'll be together?

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If you love her then don't give up on her but don't become obsessive or go into stalking mode . Let her see who she is , She will come back if it is meant to be .

Eura you are so right on this.
Don't have sex with her. Don't kiss her ,nothing phisical.
She wants to yous you for safe base exceptence. You need to be strong. She has seed to you that she does not love you that makes it over. Don't waiste your life and time on her. I know that some part of you loves her, but she has a bad case of stupid right now. You need a women that seas and shows the actions of hay we are here together.

Tell her godby and walk away and remember you are looking at your future not at your past when you walk away. Life is calling go for it!

I should also add before school she wanted to move in with me after we had been on our feet with full time jobs for about 6 months. And then obviously that went out the window. I got a job offer in chicago recently and told her about it, but said that I wouldn't go with her being ONE, not the only, but one of the reasons. She didn't argue with that at all and this was 2 weeks before we broke up. At time I think I'm the "backup" guy, but like when we went out we wouldn't see each other that often, but when we did she would spend entire weekends at my house. Its so confusing. And I haven't been obsessive at all I haven't been prying into her life whatsoever since it ended. But then I get yelled at when I go out and have a good time. Its usually "well you're so heartbroken you went out and had a great time with your friends" but she can do whatever she wants it seems like. I don't know