Dealing with the death of a parent
My father passed away early this morning after an extended illness. Even though I had been trying to prepare myself for this for some time, I am having an awful time coping with this situation. Today, I took a drive about an hour away and bought myself lunch. I then drove to visit a few places my father and I had enjoyed together - places that always brought me peace and relaxation. I called home to explain to my Mom that I needed some time alone. I explained that I was not ready to start greeting people at our house to discuss the loss. I wanted some time at home to relax and talk with my Mom. Well, all day people came by. Eventually, my Mom called to tell me that she and my niece were the only ones home if I wanted to come home. I told her yes. I asked if she and I could grab a bowl of soup and talk - just the 2 of us. When I got home, my nephew called that he was coming over with his 2 daughters. I suggested that we drop off my niece to him and that would give my Mom and I the alone time that I felt I needed. My Mom refused. As such, I sat in my room crying while everyone else was there laughing and having a good time. Once everyone left, I tried again to talk with my Mom. My niece, a high school student, walked in between my Mom and I. I simply asked if my Mom and I could have 10 minutes to talk in private. My mom screamed at me and told me to get out of there before she punched me in the mouth. I pleaded with my Mom that I did not want to lose both parents on the same day but with no response. She has laughed at me crying and is telling me that I have completely lost that I need to grow up and face reality. Meanwhile I continue to reach out to her and attempt to tell her how to comfort me. I can not even imagine going to the funeral. I said my good byes at my father's bedside. Yet, my Mom says that I would be extremely rude if I did not go. She then turns around and tells me to do what I think it right. I honestly have NO idea. I feel really alone yet I want to be alone to a point... I am the only one crying over the loss of my father. My mom says she doesn't know what to do with me and that my actions are totally abnormal. PLEASE HELP!