I broke up with my boyfriend in the recent past. We fought too much, no good. One day I said 'enough' and called it a day. We had a little bit of contact. He seemed to be turning his life around which led me to suggest we work on our problems and get our relationship back on track (yes, yes I know it was stupid! ).

He said he did not want to reconcile, which turned me into a blubbering mess (talk about turn the tables right back at me). Then he wanted one last hurrah (sex) which I FLATLY refused. Then he wanted to say friends, for which I politely declined, I told him I would find it way too painful at this time - especially if he started to see someone else.

He still contacted me, and gave me mixed messages which confused me. I asked him to make it clear whether he wants me or not, he said no.

He caught me while I was crying my eyes out and witnessed what a heartbroken mess I was, that was unfortunate for me because I had played it cool until this day. At that moment, I realised to my horror the man who once adored me pitied me, though I resisted begging and pleading, tears speak for themselves.

He contacted me again, and I politely reminded him that I don't want to be friends. He then apologised and said he wouldn't contact me again. That was three weeks ago.

I have lost the relationship, that is plain as day, nobody needs to reiterate that, and he probably doesn't miss me either. But did I lose my dignity as well? Can I at least take pride in the fact that some part of my dignity remains intact?

I feel your behaviour was perfectly natural. Should we build a relationship with someone then walk away laughing our heads off? So it didn't work out, you are a smart woman for realising that. So you doubted your decision and decided to give it another chance. Nothing wrong with that either. Now it's time to walk away with your head held high. You did the right thing. There is no lost of dignity in doing the right thing. If you ask me, it's his loss. But there is no point in flogging a dead animal. Take a deep breath........ then exhale....... then go get on with your life.

What dignity have u lost?

No one can make u inferior unless you allow yourself to feel that way. A breakup is normal, so is a breakdown of tears. U may have begged him to come back but he refused. So? The bottom line is that u let it go and now u can start anew.

When it comes to letting go of feeling embarrassed, think this to yourself:
"Everyone is too caught up with their own lives and own embarrassment. I am not that great to make someone remember the things I did".

It's true... How many moments of embarrassment of your friends' do you remember? Do you remember what they did and say exactly? If you do, do you go about spreading the news?

Being rejected by a guy deflates your confidence almost immediately, especially when you are a female. Accept that it is normal to feel that way. Rejection brings down your self-esteem, but do not let that linger for too long. Smile and move on =)

You've lost nothing.

You have ended a relationship that was unhealthy by your own statement. But only if logic was enough to make us content.

Don't punish yourself because he saw you in a point of "weakness"... he really saw your "humanness"... and that's OK.

You are allowed to be mortal. Wounded. Hurt. That he saw it might frustrate you, but really... it changes nothing.

You are grieving the loss of a relationship. Even if its your choice, it hurts. Its supposed to.

So allow it to hurt. Allow yourself to be a little angry with him. A little anger can quickly numb your worrying about what he thinks. But please don't think he's taking anything from you because the break wasn't as clean as it could have been.

You claimed your dignity when you demanded more for yourself than a relationship that wasn't a good fit. A lesser person wouldn't have been able to do that. I've been that lesser person.

You are OK... and you need to let yourself be OK with this. Stop puninishing yourself over it. You should start thinking about how you reclaimed your dignity, not the opposite.

No, you haven't lost your dignity. It's totally normal to cry! And most guys will feels sorry for any girl they see crying her eyes out, so don't feel bad or embarrassed. Now giving in to the "last hurrah (sex)" would be losing your dignity. So would stalking him, lol. But, that is so not what you are doing here, so don't worry.

You are being so strong by sticking to the no contact rule and making him stick to it. I agree with what the previous post says about how breaking off a bad relationship reclaims your dignity. This guy wasn't good enough for you, so don't even worry about what he thinks. He had his chance and blew it. Good for you for being strong and doing what is right for you! Good luck! And I promise it will get easier as time goes by.

Symptoms of the heartbroken: 1) "I have lost the relationship...." This is where one feels at fault, and asks, 'where did I mess up, what could I have done differently?' We have to be careful with this kind of thinking.

2) "did I lose my dignity as well?" No. Seeing your tears, you believe he pitied you; he could just as easily be pitying himself. "He then apologised and said he wouldn't contact me again." A bargain kept, at least to this point, with dignity for both.

Just remain strong by reading and writing; someone said to fight an old flame with a new flame; next to the tears, always keep a place for hope in your heart; the heart that breaks for a lost love will cherish a fulfilled love.

Lost your dignity... you are FAR from that sister. I wish I was so strong during my relationship!! Crying is normal and expected... and DIGNIFIED. Did either of you honestly believe this wasn't going to come with e few tears? You're grieving, and people cry.

If he's not wanting things back, and you aren't then you both are in a good place for moving on and accepting it after a few good cries about it. I'd leave it at that.

I think your hurt is all, and that is very human. You cared and that's a good human. You have lost nothing, and after the hurt youwill be stronger and wiser. That may be hard to see at the moment, but it will be clear later.

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Originally Posted by aboleth

Lost your dignity.... you are FAR from that sister. I wish I was so strong during my relationship!!!! Crying is normal and expected... and DIGNIFIED. Did either of you honestly believe this wasn't going to come with e few tears? You're grieving, and people cry.

If he's not wanting things back, and you aren't then you both are in a good place for moving on and accepting it after a few good cries about it. I'd leave it at that.

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I've just come to the realisation that he won't come back. This is immensely painful, the only thing that numbed the pain is the hope that he would come back. If he wanted me he knows where to find me but he hasn't. That hurts so much, I wish I could stop these tears. Funny how you can take a pill for your headache but for heartache there is nothing you can do.

"Funny how you can take a pill for your headache but for heartache there is nothing you can do." That is so true. There is time, which seems to go so slowly and is painful; and there are coping strategies which each person must develop. No Contact is the foundation for healing, in my view.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

you claimed your dignity when you demanded more for yourself than a relationship that wasn't a good fit. A lesser person wouldn't have been able to do that.

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This says it all. Sometimes being strong, hurts and you doubt your decisions, but in time, the strong survive.

Meth?

ENTIRELY kidding about the meth. DON'T DO DRUGS!

Surround yourself with friends, family, co-workers. Really. When my ex and I broke up, (3 weeks ago), I was... a wreck. It's embarrassing to say that I was... THAT much of a wreck. I'm a guy. I'm supposed to be apathetic. Everything's cool, right? Wrong. It was finals week. I didn't sleep for 3 days. I didn't eat for 5 days. I was a walking zombie.

Since it was finals week, everyone was doing their own thing. So eventually, I caved and asked my co-worker (who happened to be gay) out to a bar.

All went well. I'm on week 4. go me.

You might take a look here: Getting Over a Breakup - Breakups & divorce - Revolution Health

Aaaawwwwwwwww!! I feel your pain! My eyes literally watered reading your post roogirl! I had to choke back tears!

I feel for you. You are not alone.

In my opinion, since you guys were fighting a lot, he could have done that on purpose to get you to dump him. Then when he got what he wanted, he moved on. I don't think you lost anything, I think you gained valuable experience that you can use in the future. Besides, it's good to feel sad because in order to know how you are feeling, something must have happened in your life to make you feel really good!! You have to take the good with the bad, you can't have just one.

So enjoy the sadness for now, because it should also remind you how good life must be in order for you to feel that way. I hope that doesn't sound screwed up. :)

=/

It's always hard being put through that kind of thing, especially when you really care about them or have been together for a while. That you both are hurt (he may just be better at not showing it) And him saying he doesn't want to get back together kind of tells me he is hurt over it, and not that he doesn't care about you.

It's hard to see someone cry, especially someone you love. I have an ex girlfriend that I don't talk to (not on bad terms anymore... NC rocks!) and I saw her recently and she was going through a lot of things, and I talked with her and tried to make sure she's doin' all right.

When either person breaks up with the other in a relationship, both feel the pain. It's not easy for the dumper to think those kind of things about their relationship (even if it's a bad one) and it's especially hard for the person being dumped because it's usually shocking to them.

You just need to remember a few things, asking for help is not weak, crying shows you genuinely care about something, and now is the time where you do as many of these other fine people have said and try to move on. No contact really WILL help (as hard as it sounds) and eventually you'll forget he even existed.

Also, since I'm going through a lot of problems too (as many people on here are). You may find that reading other peoples problems and extending your arm to them and offering your advice and opinion might help you cope with your own problems. And also I bet you'll notice how others have similar problems, and you answering them will help them as well as you with your current turmoil.

I kind of go by the saying "sometimes in life you sink or swim" Well.. I sure as heck am not going to let myself "sink." You get hurt, and you come back more wise and ready for the next step... and eventually you'll find relationship bliss and look back at your previous relationships and laugh at the silly mistakes you may have made or visa versa!

Hope this helps,

Kevin

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Originally Posted by Kevin_s

I kind of go by the saying "sometimes in life you sink or swim" Well..I sure as heck am not going to let myself "sink."

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This is so true , we don't drown by falling into the water , and we have all fallen , we drown by not swimming out of it!

See this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

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Originally Posted by George_1950

See this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

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Thank you, George, that was a good read.

Honey,

We all want our ex's to want us. We all want then to be bothered and frustrated that we are no longer theirs.

You are hurting, you think, because he isn't coming back. Its not that at all.

You are hurting because you needed him to be a better man. Or you wanted a better relationship and it didn't happen.

It hurts like hell.

It is supposed to.

But it isn't about whether he's wanting you. That isn't the point, though itd make it easier knowing he was feeling the loss of a great woman...

This is about you getting what is yours.

Its about you living in peace.

Even if you need to go through a little hell to get there.

So welcome to the club babe. I've been a long time member.

Though I'm in a great long-term relationship, I've been in the place where you are. More than once. Man it hurts.

Hurts and aches.

But... in time, it hurts less...

I promise.

And I don't promise a damn thing unless I believe it.

So honey... you need to let it hurt... you need to let yourself be alone and feel all the hurt you feel.

Because it helps you in the long run. It helps you understand what you need and what you are willing to put up with. It helps you to know yourself.

I know... right now you just want to feel better and be done with it. Its not that easy most of the time.

You need to do the time to understand what is really important. This isn't about him. It isn't about whether he's thinking about you or whether he's moved on. Its about you.

I'm in a great relationship. Almost 8 years married and 10 years together. It took a lot of heartache to get here. It took night after night of feeling like crap and alone... and it took try after try in relationships that just didn't quite work out.

All I can tell you is that you need to be true to yourself. Let yourself hurt because he isn't coming back. Its fine. Its normal. Its needed.

Then... get mad and angry because it didn't need to be like this. Let yourself be frustrated because you spent time on him. Take the good... leave the bad, or at least learn from it.

And don't expect yourself to get over it like its nothing. It is something. Its supposed to hurt... it meant something.

Believe in yourself... you are doing the right thing, and you are not alone. Been there, done that myself.

Any updates dear?