I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and her sex drive has diminished greatly. I always go down on her, rub her back, tell her that she is beautiful, and anything for her that I know makes her feel good. The problem is, she doesn't do anything for me that I like. I like blowjobs and all she does is complain or she does it for a couple of minutes and then she *****es. I want passion and to feel like she wants me instead of me wnating her. I feel like she takes advantage of the fact that I am so into her, that I would do a lot for her just to see her happy, but she doesn't do anything for me to make me happy. I am sexually frustrated on that subject, what should I do to make her want me, and want to experiment with love making. I get bored of her saying, "hey, want to go to bed and then she asks me to rub her back and I do it for 15 to 20 minutes, or I go down on her for along time and then I get about 3-5 minutes of sex and then she comes, and then she loses all momentum and then I can't get off if she doesn't work it. PLease help me?

You really, really don't want me to give my opinon of this, so I will bite my tongue and say a few things.


First sex is not for what you can get out of it, and you have already lost if you are comparing who is doing what for who.

First not everyone wants to give oral sex, and often esp if the lady does not like to or is real practiced at it, it does make them feel bad.
So asking her to do something that she does not want to do is first just not right and saying well I do, is not a reason, except for a selfish one.

Also note, ladies can and do often have more than one sexual release, if you are not getting her to that level, are you not helping the situation either.

Honestly it sounds like two high school kids that are just out for what sexual pleasure they can get for thierself and not someone who really "cares" about the other total person.

You both need to talk openly and you need to listen instead of saying what you want, and decide how best to make love that works for both of you.


And honestly if we got her opinion of the entire situation, I bet she thinks she is still getting the worst end of the deal too.

Have you tried having an honest, heart-to-heart conversation about her diminished sex drive? Tell her upfront but tactfully that you'd like to know what killed her interest in sex. Tell her what you've said in your post, that you feel like you're being taken advantage of or used. It certainly doesn't sound like she has moral scruples (not that it'd be a bad thing if she did), so press her gently but firmly for an explanation. If she doesn't seem to be able to give any or becomes defensive, that could mean that she's lacking in communication skills in which case you may need to rethink the future of this relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by henduil

I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and her sex drive has diminished greatly. I always go down on her, rub her back, tell her that she is beautiful, and anything for her that i know makes her feel good. The problem is, she doesnt do anything for me that i like. I like blowjobs and all she does is complain or she does it for a couple of minutes and then she *****es. I want passion and to feel like she wants me instead of me wnating her. I feel like she takes advantage of the fact that i am so into her, that i would do alot for her just to see her happy, but she doesnt do anything for me to make me happy. I am sexually frustrated on that subject, what should i do to make her want me, and want to experiment with love making. I get bored of her saying, "hey, want to go to bed and then she asks me to rub her back and i do it for 15 to 20 minutes, or i go down on her for along time and then i get about 3-5 minutes of sex and then she comes, and then she loses all momentum and then i can't get off if she doesnt work it. PLease help me?

---

In order to have a great sex life, you need to talk to your partner, and often. The more you can communicate your needs, wants and desires and listen to the same from your partner the better of a sex life you'll have. Show her empathy. Let her know that you love and cherish her. Be a good listener. And if you need, or want something, don't hesitate to ask for it. For both you and your partner to have a great sexual experience, you need to communicate your needs and desires. This means talking about what you like and what you don't. Communicate with respect and sensitivity make a truly great relationship.

Hi, henduil,
Welcome to this site, and hope you have fun here... it's a great site!
I see you have received many good answers, and mine will be short.
Unless you two talk about this, get it out in the open, your relationship is going to suffer. Since you are really not happy with things now, it will only get worse, unless you really have an open, honest talk about it.
Not every woman likes to do what you refer to, and you have to be willing to accept that. Or, find a woman who likes what you like!
Please talk with her, and find out why she isn't that sexually excited with you now. It could be that she isn't that interested in you now? I hope that isn't the case, but you need to find out.
I do wish you the best of luck, and hope it all works out OK.

I really appreciate the replies from the last two at least you considered my feelings. So you all know I actually had a talk with her about it before I read the 2nd and 3rd posts, but I wanted to say that things are not about me not considering how she feels and me being selfish, because I do the opposite, believe me. Some of it has to do with her not being good at communicating, I am the one who is really good at talking about stuff, so I told her how I feel and she listened and said she is going to do more to consider how I feel,things between us are pretty descent considering that we are raising two children and struggling to make it. I wouldn't consider leaving her because I can't get my sexual needs fulfilled, I would rather masturbate to get off rather than give up on this relationship. I love her and my kids and that's more important than anything else in my life. I really appreciate you 3 taking the time to understand what I wrote, its like you looked outside of the box instead of only inside the box. I also wanted to say this to
Fr_chuck maybe if you are going to reply, reply to help someone not to tell them that they are the problem, if you don't know what you are talking about, "obviously you dont" maybe you should shut your hole and give advice to something you have experience about, not trying to be a ****, but your reply sounds like you are putting yourself in her shoes, and not mine, so do people a favor and don't reply you can't look at things from both sides. Fyi its not a high school relationship, its better than what you have or will ever get, you god-loving inconsiderate ****bag.

Thanks to the people who know what they are talking about.