I'm 22 female, boyfriend 22 as well, been with him a while, and just lost my virginity to him. I'm worried that all he's after is sex. He's a good looking guy, and is very confident, but then alone sometimes I see lack of confidence in him. He absolutely loves sex, he likes talking about it, having it, thinking about it, and I know he watches porn. It worries me in case that's all he is with me for, I'm no where near as sexual, yet I don't want to end it because of that, as I do love him. He said he would like to have sex all the time but I come first, fair enough, but I just fear that once we start having it more that's all it will be about, I fear the other things like cuddling, watching a dvd will disappear to nothing. He talks about plans he has, he likes kinky sex, he wants me to dress up, do role plays, pin me down, etc it all means nothing to me because I'm so inexperienced. What do you make to all this? I really need help. My mates say its normal for lads especially 22 to have sex on the brain 24/7, but is it? Is he just using me? Sex is obviously something he really enjoys, but can a lad enjoy it because he wants to be with the girl, rather than using the girl to get rid of testosterone?

It is a big, wide world out there, with all kinds of players and actors. It is impossible for anyone to know for certain what kind of fellow this is. Get into the library and internet and read everything you can. You are totally responsible for how you conduct yourself and what you do. How long is "a while"? I hope the guy is not a health hazard. Perhaps you need to get to know more about him.

I don't think he is necessarily using you but you should talk to him about wanting more to your relationship. Tell him you want to know more about each other and grow closer together and enjoy doing things together. Actually get to know each other. Ask him how he feels about kids and how he would want to raise them if having kids is an important issue to you.
Ask him what his long term goals in life and a career are. Ask him how he sees you fitting into his life overall.
As long as you communicate and enjoy doing other things together you should grow closer. If he seems like that is the only direction he wants to take things then you need to step back enough to redirect things to keep them moving in a well rounded relationship.

He may well love you but hasn't learned to express himself in other ways.
Many people are happy to settle for a shallow relationship... push him for more... get him to look inside and around himself. Get him to realize there is more to life and a relationship.

Is it normal for many guys, especially when younger and when its all new, to be like this about sex?

Yes. And yes.

I'm 35, and though I'm more experienced than I was a dozen years ago, I still can obsess about sex, especially fantasies that haven't been fulfilled.

So... is he abnormal? I don't think so. If anything, a guy who is open to talking about sex has a good mindset... too many people don't talk about sex, and that's just a shame.

Now... is he a good guy who likes sex a lot or a bad guy? Just not possible to tell over the internet. You are with him. That's your call.

Clearly you are worried and uncomfortable. That's OK. You need to talk to him about how you feel. Try not to make it about you are right and he is wrong. Its about finding an in-between where you both feel satisfied and you both are comfortable.

I hope you enjoy sex. When done right (and that Doesn't mean done pefectly so you always orgasm), sex is a fun exploration of the human body and the mind. It is as much sensual as sexual. It's a fantastic thing.

And... when its done badly it leaves us confused, hurt, isolated, frustrated or scared.

He's a puppy. He wants to play. Its so exciting and I really think men are wired for it. Just cause he wants in your pants doesn't mean he doesn't want to be in your life as well.

All you can to is weigh it all out. Don't be afraid to explore, and don't be afraid to do what you need. If that means his needs aren't getting met, then its an honest discussion that should be had.

Sexual compatibility is something that should be addressed. There are women writing in here who are miserable because their "lover" isn't paying them any attention at all. They are unhappy and feel rejected.

You need to do what is right for you, but if you two aren't on the same page, he could feel the same.

Honestly, I think you two are closer than you think. You just worry about how it affects the relationship, and he probably sees absolutely no conflict with the relationship.

Have fun. Be true to yourself, whatever that is. Plan on making mistakes. We all get it "more right" in the long run, hopefully.

Just don't do anything that will dehumanize you or something you are dead set against or grosses you out.
Practice safe sex... you don't want std's or babies.
Your 22 enjoy. Rock his world.

Agreed don't do anything you don't want to. And always use birth control and if there is a douibt about his sexual history, a condom with birth control. *** pulling out is not a method

But for couples to keep that spark in their marriage, we often recommend role playing, dress up and other activities, as long as a couple agrees to the rules and understans what they are doing, sex can be fun and should be.

Make sure you and he knows what foreplay is, also

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Originally Posted by popcorn_rox12

im 22 female, boyfriend 22 as well, been with him a while,

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What's "a while"?? Sounds to me like it wasn't a very long while. If you had been with him long enough to know about his sexual poclivities then why did you give it up to him?

Yes a 22 yr old guy is horny a large percentage of the time.

It seems to me from your description of your concerns that your male friend is only interested in using you for his sexual toy in all his sexual fantasies. Of special concern is that you have only know him for awhile and he wants to USE you for his "kinky" plans and other anonymous sex such as role play. As you said, he is also fueled by watching porn.

There is no room for you as a person in his complicated impersonal sex life which seems to have advanced already to sex addiction. Be careful that yourself esteem doesn't go down the drain under these circumstances.

In my opinion, this is the wrong kind of guy to have for your first lover. You are tender and sensitive and deserve a lover who cares about you.


Good Luck on your Journey Down the Road of Life. :)

I'd be concerned about his porn use... if it is excessive, that could be a real problem. There are many examples of women being used as objects in that industry... they are not often portrayed as having real emotions or feelings... Depending on the nature of what he is viewing, it may become dangerous, and certainly does not seem to encourage any longlasting exclusive couples... You should find out how far he is wanting his fantasies to go... Life is not like the movies, and you should make sure he knows that... some guys don't.