Ask Me Help Desk - Children will drive you crazy

:eek: Someone tell me why it is that kids think they are getting away with everything? I have completely lost trust in my 6 year old because she will not stop lying to me no matter how many times I tell her that I know and show her the evidence she will still lie. It hurts me that she can not be honest and hides things from me. Her daddy spent all his life doing nothing but lie and I am afraid she will become like him. My husband had custody of my children for a while before someone grew a brain and gave them back to me. Now Im having to fix the mess he made of them before I got them. They were not disciplined at all when he had them and they were ignored and my husbands mistress was hatefull to them. My six year old bosses everyone and orders me and her grandparents around and tattletales and teases and torments my five year old. She doesn't let the five year old speak for her self and will come tell me what her sister wants and she even tries to feed her and I have to tell her let her do that by herself. We have told her god knows how many times to stop all this behavior and explain to her that can be a little girl and she does not have to be the mama anymore. She has been counted, sent to her room and I don't know what else to do. My five year old expects to have what ever she wants when ever she wants and she will go so far as to pull her hair and smack her self on the cheek if she doesn't get what she wants. My six year old constantly has a smart alecky smirk ( you know that look that makes you turn into the devil) on her face when I get on to her or she lies. I have tried this talking to them and punishment and nothings getting through. I even read the Boy who cried wolf to my six year old and still no effect. Is this something they will grow out of soon? Ack! :eek:

Quote:

Originally Posted by crankiebabie

:eek: Someone tell me why it is that kids think they are getting away with everything? I have completely lost trust in my 6 year old because she will not stop lying to me no matter how many times I tell her that I know and show her the evidence she will still lie. It hurts me that she can not be honest and hides things from me. Her daddy spent all his life doing nothing but lie and I am afraid she will become like him. My husband had custody of my children for a while before someone grew a brain and gave them back to me. Now I'm having to fix the mess he made of them before I got them. They were not disciplined at all when he had them and they were ignored and my husbands mistress was hatefull to them. My six year old bosses everyone and orders me and her grandparents around and tattletales and teases and torments my five year old. She doesnt let the five year old speak for her self and will come tell me what her sister wants and she even trys to feed her and I have to tell her let her do that by herself. We have told her god knows how many times to stop all this behavior and explain to her that can be a little girl and she does not have to be the mama anymore. She has been counted, sent to her room and I dont know what else to do. My five year old expects to have what ever she wants when ever she wants and she will go so far as to pull her hair and smack her self on the cheek if she doesnt get what she wants. My six year old constantly has a smart alecky smirk ( you know that look that makes you turn into the devil) on her face when I get on to her or she lies. I have tried this talking to them and punishment and nothings getting through. I even read the Boy who cried wolf to my six year old and still no effect. Is this something they will grow out of soon? Ack! :eek:

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but without professional help, you just might wind up snapping. Here in Europe, they have a show called 'super nanny', have you ever seen something similar? I thought it was stupid at first, but after seeing some results, and having neighbors with the same problem, I've changed my mind and agree with some of their practices. No amount of yelling, will help, I know. And if you send the kid to their room - they have all they need and want there, so that's out. What this nanny does is teach parents to stick to their guns, and find a special place on the stairs or in a corner where the child must stay for a duration, no matter what anyone else does or if they have to go to the bathroom, they must stay there, and then later explain why they had to have their 'sitting' After the explanation is done by the child, a hug is given and the issue forgotten (ha ha) until they act up again. It's ironic how kids can go to authorities, teachers, police, etc when we parents don't act right, but where are the parent's rights these days. Anyway, try the same spot on the stairs for at least 15 minutes for each of them when they do the same thing wrong, and see if it works. I was a single parent also, with only one, and we had our hard times, but we all survive somehow, just hang in there, and keep talking to us - we are here for you. I will also see if there is any appropriate literature on this subject for you and get back with the information. Be reassured, you are not the only one in the world, but since it's happening to you, it's too close to home and hurts. Feel free to PM me and I'll send you my email, and you can let it all out any time. I will try and help as much as I can. Keeping my fingers crossed and wishing you lots of patience and luck. Chery
So, remember, not their room - a place without TV, toys, music, where they have to watch everyone else carry on normally.

Ok, I am not there and seeing them all the time like you.

But honestly it sounds a lot like normal kids to me.

Older kids talk for, boss around and bully their younger brothers and sisters, all the time. One young girl was not talking at all but just making sounds and pointing till a much older age because her sister always told eveyone what she wanted.

( now on the other hand I know a young boy who actually had a hearing issue and did not talk for a while till he got medicaal treatment)

Kids tell on each other, have invisible friends who tear everything up, they don't want to be responsible for anything wrong often becuae they are afriad you will not love them ( I know that it is not true and they really know it, but kids often worry about it)

If you have a 4 and 5 year old and your house does not look and sound like a WWF wrestling match, then I would worry more.

Of course you can ( and it normally never hurts) to have a professional counseling talk with the kids.

One of the big problems I have with my 6 year old talking for the 5 year old is that the 5 year old has developmental delays and speaks in almost a whisper and in a voice much younger than her age. We are trying this thing where if the 6 year old tells us what the 5 year old wants we tell her " Caitlin willl get what she wants when Caitlin tells us by herself." Caitlin also has delays in her motor skills and she has trouble with a pencil and sissors and we are working with her and trying to get her to feed herself. I have to sit at the table with her at every meal and stare at her because the minute Im away to do anything she will sit there and wait for someone to feed her or will throw the food in the trash can. She also says she's hungry every 5 seconds but if I give her anything that's not candy or sugary she won't eat it. These kids will be 300lbs by the time they are 8 with the appetites they have. If I tell them they have to wait till the next meal till they have anymore to eat then everyone looks at me like Im some evil monster and make comments at me under their breath even though the kids have eaten like 5o times in the past few minutes. I brought things for my kids to use especially to help improve motor skills and hand eye coordination. Chuck I don't want a wrestling match in this house. My parents just remodeled this place.

Hi dear, I told you I'd look up some sites for you, and here are a few of them. They will cover practically every issue you included here in your posts, so I hope they help. Also including a PDF document from a newletter that is from a psychiatrist - and you are not a 'monster'!

http://www.indiana.edu/%7Ecafs/index.html
Center for Adolescent and Family Studies
http://www.puberty101.com/aacap_panic.shtml
PUBERTY101 - articles and symptoms of many changes to watch for.

http://www.webmd.com/hw/healthy_parenting/te7234.asp
Growth and Development at ages 11 to 14, and more... (really no matter what age... )
http://www.webmd.com/pregnancy_and_family/parenting.htm
Tantrums, Potty Training, Q and As you can post...
http://www.webmd.com/search/search_r...sourceType=all
PAGES AND PAGES OF SUBJECT MATTER FROM A TO Z...

And of course you know, that if you have more to let out, we are here for you.
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Good luck, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

These are wonderful, Chery! I'm going to use them myself too... never hurts to be prepared!

Shasta I am no expert on any of this but once again I wish you the best! You are such a great person.

Thank you guys. I shall definitely use those links. Hey I see a comment on this post sign. When did that get here?

Oh yeah... I just noticed it too! It must be something new? I never saw it before.

Just changed from 'rate this post' to comment on this post. It would be nice to read them again too, but they still have to work on that.

Thanks gals, hope the sites benefit..
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I would like to give an update on this subject. I am happy to say that there has been a little bit of improvement going on. My five year old is talking more and telling me what she wants instead of getting big sister to do it. Big sister is still bossy but Ive learned I have a look that stops bad kids dead in their tracks. Once my 6 year old told me she was going to sleep with her aunts teddy bear from when her aunt was a child and I was going to do this and that for her. I just calmly looked in her eyes( no expression) and she lowered her head and said," Please, Mommy may I sleep with aunt angie's teddy?" I have started using this little trick for many things. If she's fixing to say something bad I give her the look and she stops talking instantly. Im still wrking on the lying thing with my 6year old. She used to lie about everything. Every time her mouth was open the child lied. She has cut down on it since she figured I can tell. I make them sit on the step and look at everybody and that seems to wrk a little magic. Both of them sat on the step yesterday and after offered to clean the bathroom for me. They did a great job. My five year old use to throw fits about not getting her way but now she is very coropative. I should have remembered about that look. I actually used it on a kid when I was 22 I was in the store with my ex husband( husband at the time) and this little brat is wailing his head off about candy. His mama just looked irritated. I just looked into his eyes and he stopped crying. He couldn't stop staring back at me but he forgot all about the candy. So any how. Things are improving greatly. Thanks for all your help and suggestions. They are greatly appreciated.

Good for you girl! Kids are hard sometimes, but they are worth it. Mine thought I had eyes on the back of my head and that I could see through walls, because I was always a few steps ahead of her. Keep that look handy and put a pillow on the step - so that it won't get worn in the same spot.

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Hi there! I have 4 children.There ages are 13,12,4 and 2.Children go through stages and sometimes it takes you off guard.This is what we did and everything eventually got better.First we made sure they knew what they had done.Second,we would disipline the child(sometimes we pattled that tail and sometimes it was time out)All children can`t be disciplined the same because they`re not the same.(oh and before I forget for a dirty lying mouth we had to clean it out with liquid soap)Never disipline the child for the same thing twice.Later,after she/he thought about it and we had calmed down.We would have a little talk and make sure they knew how much we love them and hug them.also,we`d explain why we had to disipline them.We say discipline because it comes from the word disciple which means teach.We don`t want to punish our children,we want them to learn something from it.We try not to use the word punish because punishment is a result of wrath.Believe me I`ve been at the wrath point-but this is the advice I would give to my best friend.Oh one important thing ALWAYS be consistent.If you say you`re going to do this if she does that--by all means do it! And try to be realistic in your method of discipline ,my sister told her kids she was going to knock their head off.I mean,come on,they knew that she wasn`t going to follow through with that.Children are smart-they have to test the water and see how deep they can get.Hope this helps!In Christ,RoxPate.:)

I have received a newsletter from a child psychiatrist and thought it might be of interest to you. It's about kid who lie a lot. Hope this helps you a little. Will keep you posted with more when I get them.
Love, and Belated Happy New Year, Chery

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_4_20.gifKids will make us do this sometimes!

Quote:

Originally Posted by roxpate

Hi there! I have 4 children.There ages are 13,12,4 and 2.Children go through stages and sometimes it takes you off gaurd.This is what we did and everything eventually got better.First we made sure they knew what they had done.Second,we would disipline the child(sometimes we pattled that tail and sometimes it was time out)All children can`t be disiplined the same because they`re not the same.(oh and before I forget for a dirty lying mouth we had to clean it out with liquid soap)Never disipline the child for the same thing twice.Later,after she/he thought about it and we had calmed down.We would have a little talk and make sure they knew how much we love them and hug them.also,we`d explain why we had to disipline them.We say discipline because it comes from the word disciple which means teach.We don`t want to punish our children,we want them to learn something from it.We try not to use the word punish because punishment is a result of wrath.Believe me I`ve been at the wrath point-but this is the advice I would give to my best friend.Oh one important thing ALWAYS be consistant.If you say you`re going to do this if she does that--by all means do it! and try to be realistic in your method of discipline ,my sister told her kids she was going to knock their head off.I mean,come on,they knew that she wasn`t going to follow through with that.Children are smart-they have to test the water and see how deep they can get.Hope this helps!In Christ,RoxPate.:)

Welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy it as much as we do. How true about testing those waters... you sound like you're doing OK so far. Belated Happy New Year!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifP.S. The soap used on me was IVORY, I hate it ever since! But it worked then.