Well my name is mags and I'm 18! And I hate myself sooo much.. its not even possibe 2 describe my hatred! Every time I look in the mirror I want to kil the ugly monster looking bk at me! I have been depressed since I was 13.. tats 5yrs of living with a silent depression!! I have also bee self harmin since then! I tried 2 kill myself once but was sadly unsuccessful.. im a totally up and no one knows this at all and I can't tell anyone either cos they will just send me to a head doctor and I won't be able 2 stick tat!! I have recently moved house away 4rm mi friends so now I'm totally alone! I told my mother before tat I self harmed and she treated it like a discustuing disease the way she spoke of it!!
and about the eating disorder... I don't even think it is one... I throw up after I eat... I don't eat much but I don't throw up all the time so its not really a disorder.. rite??

No1 likes me like I have no lads and de lads I do get are onli for the night or a week r so...

I'm a fat ugly monster... ppl tell me I'm thin and pretty but I don't believe them!!

2 sum it up I want to die!!

Why do you want to die? What on earth would make you want to do that? That's an incredibly selfish thing to do. Do you have any idea how much worse people have than you?! Obviously not! If you don't want to be sent to a "head doctor" than stop acting the way that you do! If you want attention, I'll stop now, because if you throw up any of your food on any occasion than there's something wrong with you. And that whole "big ugly monster" thing, I don't believe a word of it, and I've never even seen you before. Is this all because you're not with your friends anymore? Well, they didn't go anywhere! You can still visit them! If you're 18, than you're probably going to move out of your parents house soon anyway! My advice, make some new friends(friend problem solved), see a doctor(eating disorder solved), talk to your mom(so she knows about all this). THERE YOU GO! Problem SOLVED!! And if you don't want people to know about your problems, then WHY did you POST THIS! You know what, I have a problem too, my friends tell me I'm too harsh with people, and I BELIEVE them, because they CARE ABOUT ME. And I'm sure that yours do too! So believe them when they tell you that you're not fat or ugly. My friend Adrienne used to say the same thing, but when she said that she was fat and ugly, it didn't make me mad, it made me PISSED. So sorry, but that's my "advice" for you. And you don't necessarily have to see a therapist doctor, just a local physician or something if your mom doesn't listen to you. You'll be all right.

I am sorry, it is hard when we are not happy with ourself and I know nothing I will say will make any change overnight. As for as the eating disorder, that could well be a medical disorder, that is hard to tell.

You need to get help, perhaps a religious leader of your choice, or a medical professional can help you, please you are already reaching out for help, make one more step to get help.

You sound like I did for most of college. I was a full-blown bulimic, I ate and puked 5-7 times/day. That kind of abuse to the body screws with the mind. Then I quit that and unwittingly began drinking. You sound angry and hurt. If you want to feel better, steer yourself towards healthy eating and away from purging (throwing up). Drinking, or using drugs or sex to avoid feeling how you hate feeling, is the same as purging. Not that you said you do any of these things. I did, and sounded as out of hope as you do. I have self-harmed and didn't die. I still wanted to die, sometimes. I was 5'6", weighed 103# and thought I was fat...What I could not see, was that I was me, and I'm OK. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I could not see it.

My life changed when I finally went to a shrink, a psychiatrist. Yeah, a head doctor, but I did it on my own because my parents thought I should just "get normal." See, if I would just be OK then there was no need for them to be guilty or scared. The doctor prescribed anti-depressants. I needed the chemicals to even see that there was a light. There is, at the moment you cannot even believe it is there, let alone see it. Those who tell you to pull yourself together and quit trying to get attention, live charmed lives. Anyone who can function well, and has the nerve to tell you that you're just being a brat, sure hasn't been there.

So, be happy for the happy people. And take care of yourself. Now. Do not put it off. Make the appointment. You are worth it.