Hi,

It's my first time on here, so bear with me but I need some help. Let's start at the beginning. I am 25 years old, and I met my ex when I was 19. He was my boss, married, 10 years older than me and I was with a long term boyfriend. Nothing happened but I had a crush on him. He left, and a year later we bumped into each other at a Christmas party by which time we were both single. We hooked up, and soon we were inseparable. Six months later I fell pregnant and had a beautiful daughter, two years after that I fell pregnant again and my son was born.

Our relationship was based with hindsight on parenting, we rarely actually communicated with each other, and we had little support with childcare. He worked long hours, and I became a homemaker and full time mum. Two years after my Son was born I went to a party, and met a really good looking nice guy, 5 years younger than me, but he liked me and I loved dancing with him, I felt care free and young again. It made me realise that there was something missing with my fiancé.

My fiancé found out that I was seeing him ( I wanted him to ), and we split. I saw the young guy for a few weeks, and went off the rails for a bit, saw other guys and partied like I had no cares in the world. My ex and I managed to look after the children between us, and they actually were, and still are relatively unaffected by the break up. We have worked very hard to maintain routines and make the transition as gentle as possible. Now they understand "Daddy Time" and "Mummy time" and people tell us it's amazing how balanced they are.

The relationship with the young guy fizzled out, I had a couple of things with guys and then hooked up with a guy from work. He was lovely at first, very smooth and great with my kids. He seemed to be the first guy in a long time that wasn't only interested in one thing!

We went out for a few weeks, and then I realised that there was no spark, nothing of interest about him and it fizzled out. It's a few weeks later now and I've just found out I'm pregnant with his baby.

The thing is, I've been spending more time with the father of my kids since I became single, and I've realised how much I want to make it work with him for me, and for the children. He is the only person who makes me feel strong and I can't believe I've hurt him so much. I told him I want us all to be together again but he said that he is very reluctant. I summoned the courage today to tell him about the pregnancy, and he was amazing about it, angry at first, but then has promised to stand by me and be a friend whatever I decide to do.

It's such a mess, I'm so unhappy. I changed my life because I thought I wanted something different and now I'd give anything to have my old life back. Any suggestions?

"I've been spending more time with the father of my kids...and I've realised how much I want to make it work with him for me, and for the children... I changed my life because I thought I wanted something different and now I'd give anything to have my old life back."

This is just a first impression, but I believe you are looking for something you feel you need, perhaps it is strength, stability, esteem, or just direction in your life. If you want "to make it work" and "have (your) old life back", then fix your internal compass on those objectives and not somewhere else with someone else. You have a lot of relationship-fixing to do. I would suggest getting the assistance of a reputable counselor.

I wish you would consider staying out of relationships for a while, and get a handle on your own personal life. It's a mess, and needs to be put in order. Sorry You are not relationship material at this time, and need to focus on your children and yourself. Leave others out of your mess at this time.

I think you obviously wernt happy with him the 1st time round, what's changed so much that it would all be different the next time round? People tend to make the mistake of just thinking of all the wonderful things about there ex, rather than reality of why you broke up. When me and my ex broke up, I convinced myself the sun shone out her... wen in reality.. and after time, turned out to be a pain in my!
Sounds like you should just take some time out to be by yourself for a while until your sure of what you want.

Oh my post was edited! Hope u catch wha I'm trying 2 say there.. lol