Some of you have read my story... if not, you can find it here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-161688.html

Now. As of this moment, it's been roughly 2 weeks since me and the ex have broken up. After 3 years. There is a new guy in her life. There is a new girl in my life. Now... I am nowhere near ready for another relationship. This new girl, however... on paper, is perfect.

She comes over and cooks for me, during finals week... she drove 20 min to make me food and bring me coffee. When she spent the night, she made breakfast. On paper, she is flawless.

This may sound shallow, but she is not that attractive. On a scale, she's about a 6. but looks... mean very little to me. It's just that I can't look at her without thinking, MY EX LOOKED BETTER. Bad. I know. But... it's how I feel.

Anyway, the new girl knows my situation, and knows that I'm not over my ex. However, she continues to try to hang out, call every night, and comes over often. Granted, I like hanging out with her, but I think she's moving wayyyy too fast. I've already talked to her about this, telling her that she's moving too fast... and that I still need some time... and that I'd like to be single for a little bit before I jump into anything. She said she understood...

Then the next night, her toothbrush was at my sink.

... yikes. Help?

p.s. - some will say, IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR LETTING HER SPEND THE NIGHT... but to be honest, she comes over planning to spend the night. She's only spent the night three times so far, but I've never asked her to. She'll just come over... around 3, and just get ready. Once I said, HEY... WAT'RE YOU DOING? And she goes, DON'T BE STUPID, YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME TO STAY...

... and I'm just too nice of a guy.

She will take what she wants, if you let her.

Let me see you are judgine her on her looks, not the real her, do her a favor and break up, she deserves someone a lot better than you.

Sneezy,

She's only going to take it as far as you let her.

As you know it is too soon to get into another relationship. You have to put a stop to it, or she will be rebound.

Tell her you like her, tell her that she is good to you, but tell her that you don't want to hurt her in the long run. Let her know that you are currently in the rebound stages of a previous relationship and that you don't want to use her in that way.

Sure, others may think you are being superficial, but I see something else there... Kindness... compassion... friendship.

You just have to come out and say that you are not ready for something serious yet, it's too soon.

Either she will appreciate your honesty and stick with you at a slower pace, which means she would be a great woman... Or she will hit the road, which means she wasn't worth it in the first place.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by J_9

Sneezy,

She's only going to take it as far as you let her.

As you know it is too soon to get into another relationship. You have to put a stop to it, or she will be rebound.

Tell her you like her, tell her that she is good to you, but tell her that you don't want to hurt her in the long run. Let her know that you are currently in the rebound stages of a previous relationship and that you don't want to use her in that way.

Sure, others may think you are being superficial, but I see something else there....Kindness...compassion...friendship.

You just have to come out and say that you are not ready for something serious yet, it's too soon.

Either she will appreciate your honesty and stick with you at a slower pace, which means she would be a great woman.....Or she will hit the road, which means she wasn't worth it in the first place.

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Thanks J_9. I am NOT judging her by her looks... it's simply because I just see it in that way. I don't choose to. I compare her to my ex innately. She treats me better than my ex, but the only thing are the looks. So yeah.

I did tell her that I did enjoy the time we spend, that I am not ready for something, and that I would not want her to be a rebound. I flat out told her, I WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO BE MY REBOUND. She said that she understood, and that she could wait for me to get over my ex. It's just her actions. I've talked to her about it, and she says she understands, but still. Yeah. It's weird.

As of right now, I'm taking it slow. Getting over my ex is taking a bit longer than I thought it would. Who knew? New girl wants to see me tonight, I told her that it was christmas eve... she should spend it with her folks. She understood. I'll be home alone though, folks went out of town for the holidays and I had to stay due to work. It's just me... digiorno... and a movie. Yeah!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

thanks J_9. i am NOT judging her by her looks...it's simply because i just see it in that way. i don't choose to. i compare her to my ex innately. she treats me better than my ex, but the only thing are the looks. so yeah.

i did tell her that i did enjoy the time we spend, that i am not ready for something, and that i would not want her to be a rebound. i flat out told her, I WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO BE MY REBOUND. she said that she understood, and that she could wait for me to get over my ex. it's just her actions. i've talked to her about it, and she says she understands, but still. yeah. it's weird.

as of right now, i'm taking it slow. getting over my ex is taking a bit longer than i thought it would. who knew? new girl wants to see me tonight, i told her that it was christmas eve...she should spend it with her folks. she understood. i'll be home alone though, folks went outta town for the holidays and i had to stay due to work. it's just me...digiorno...and a movie. yeah!!!

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Dude, I know you aren't judging her by her looks... I saw past that. It's good that you sent her off to her family tonight, that may help to drive the point home.

Next time she wants to spend the night, just tell her that you appreciate her wanting to be with you, but it's just moving way too fast.

Hey, Digiorno is my favorite!! Glass of wine to go with it! What movie?

Glass of wine with digiorno? Really? I was just thinking some beer. Movie... I'm thinking... THE KINGDOM with jamie foxx... or SHOOT EM UP with clive owen. Not sure which.

The holidays, undoubtedly, is the saddest holiday of the year when you don't have anyone to spend it with...

Heck yeah, wine... well, I'll take beer too!

Holidays are only as sad as you make them. This is my first without my father, so I can relate to your loneliness.

Sneezy,
I just want to say that reading almost all of your threads have helped me A LOT to feel better about my situation. And it shows me that yeah, its rough now, but things will get better.

Thanks

You're welcome buddy.

... I think?

... you feel better because I'm going through a worse situation than you, and you think LIFE ISN'T SO BAD... LOOK AT THIS JACK@SS..

Or you feel better because you're going through the same thing?

Regardless, hope things work out for you in the end. Welcome to the forum. And trust me, things'll get better faster than you can say albuquerque. Somedays, you'll have bad days... that's when you come to this forum and look up people that are in worse/similar situation as you are in... and things'll be OK.

Im kind of going through the same thing... and no, haha, not like that. Its just right now things are crappy, and its nice to see that someone really recovered and is doing better after 2 weeks. Im sure you still have hard days, its only been 2 days with NC for me. And I still keep expecting her to call.

Oh, no doubt. Some days, I still wake up in the morning and look at my phone "just in case" she called. Then I realize what had happened and laugh at myself for it. Just surround yourself with your friends... it's a bit hard for me to do so as all my friends have gone back home for the holidays. But keep yourself busy...

In the past week...

- I've vacuumed my apt... and I mean REALLY vacuumed my apt... moved my bed, got underneath it... moved furniture, cleaned the corners...
- reorganized my closet
- reorganized my itunes list
- reformatted my PC
- looked through my desk drawers/closet to see what I can throw out, what I can keep
- ran roughly 2 miles a day, lifted weights for 45 min every other day

Sooner or later, we'll both stop checking our e-mails every 15 min hoping she'll send something... and we'll stop looking at our phones hoping she's called. We'll move on with our lives. Best of luck to you. Keep up that NC. And as always, if you're going to drink, give your phone to a friend. Trust me.

Haha, will do, I'm not much of a drinker anyway. Ill probably run into her tonight and I'm so anxious about it, I mean I know I just have to show her that I'm okay and smile and say hello, but that's it. What if she wants to talk? Do I just tell her, "you wanted to break up, what is there to talk about?"

Don't be a jackass and cut her off. Be courteous, but treat her like a person you know at school. Nothing more. If she asks HOW ARE YOU DOING? Say, I'm good. If she asks WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO? Say this and that... things you've been doing. But again, keep it short. Don't give her your life story. I wouldn't actually ask questions either. Then, when it's been roughly 3 - 5 minutes, say WELL, SORRY, I Got to GO... and walk away.

That way, you're nice, courteous, and not a jackass. You've answered her questions, and you've walked away like a champ. True NC-er.