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Originally Posted by Choux

She seems to have separated "love" from "sex" in her mind, sex being dirty and done when drunk or done impersonally........love being warm and fuzzy emotions all noble and pure.

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This quote is from another thread, but I am interested in further exploration of the topic. I am wondering how to, or if it is possible, to resolve or change one's thinking when this seems to be the case?

I hope I am allowed to post this as a new thread, because I did not want to take over the OP's thread.

How does anyone know what is in someone else's mind? You wrote: "She seems to have separated"... I am confused by what you mean by "resolve or change".

Bring the two sides into harmony, so that she doesn't view the act of sex as something dirty or nasty but rather as something special and enjoyable to go along with the other pure, warm and fuzzy, emotional noble love...

I guess this subject isn't my forte. Some will have sex because they are horny; some will have sex only if in love.

It all depends on why she believes that sex is dirty. Was she raised in a fundamentalist Christian home where the children are taught that sex before marriage is a sin, so that sex itself can become thought of as a sin? Was she raped sometime in her past? Was she sexually abused by a relative? -- and on and on.

So, how would you begin with her?

Right, I understand. I guess I'm trying to figure out if some women feel the way I described, or if it is just an assumption that they think it is dirty or degrading, when there really are deeper issues involved, such as not being in love...

Women think it is dirty if it is the wrong guy. With the right guy, "The One", it is OK.

Well, speaking as a female who was raised watching "Father Knows Best," I never thought sex was dirty, but I did respect its power and did save it for marriage. I said "no" to guys many, many times when I was dating.

Women feel the way described and they also feel any way you can imagine, based on their upbringing, peer and media influences, etc. As a PK*, I'm guessing the "sex is dirty" idea is held mostly by women who grew up in a very conservative, authoritarian home.

*preacher's kid

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So, how would you begin with her?

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Foreplay, long backrubs, soothing voice... and if she didn't fall asleep, the response might be along the lines of you only had one thing in mind all along... often ending in rejection, or lack of involvement... just get it overwith attitude... made it seem like she felt something was wrong with the act...

I'm guessing the "sex is dirty" idea is held mostly by women who grew up in a very conservative, authoritarian home.

This is my dilemma I suppose in trying to figure out if this was the real issue, or more of a case of other issues... such as not feeling free to decide because of feeling trapped or "expected" by society to perform such duties in relationship... not pressure or force from significant other, but just as if it were something she felt which caused anxiety and lack of enjoyment... person had history of anxiety and panic attacks...

There are so many young women growing up without a father in the house, or without a mature father wherever he is, that they will simply do anything to have a man in their lives. That includes all kinds of sexuality they are too immature to be participating in. It is the degradation they suffer in order to get the warm, fuzzies, and lovies from a guy.

I'm just using this case as one example of how so many girls today end up in sexual trouble.

I too think it goes way back to when we were raised and how, and I think it goes back to how we develop the coping skills we have, as a result of those experiences. I think the youth of today don't have the benefit of strong role models and have to learn as they go. Fear I think plays a big role in trading what may be an acceptance of what they don't understand in trying to get what they want, which again they are unsure of, for example- afear of being alone will make some accept bad behaviour as a price to pay, or strong intense feelings for love, and the need for love. If you can't know what you really want, you can never know how you feel, and why. Many today skip the whole learning and jump right into the having, only to find out that's not what they want. Results, a higher divorce rate, and a trail of failed relationships. The more one knows about his/her self the more likely they will, know what they want and how to get it. I think!