I'm 42 and I've never had an orgasm with a man. I would love to know what that feels like
To have an orgasm. I had an orgasm from a wet dream and that happens like maybe once a year. I've never had an orgasm from masturbating. When I was in high school and college during tests time only. I will have a very extremely high arousal during tests time only. I'm trying to give as much information as I can to get some good advice back in return. My memory is suppressed from childhood and early adulthood trama. I tried Zestra
For sexual female enhancement but it only made me very warm. I get that from KY. I'm a self-conscious person who is overweight. I've always been a petite person. Until my late 30's I've gained a lot of weight. I knew what the problem was: medications. Which I got that problem taken care of. I only went from 260 to 220. Before this massive weight gain. I used to weigh between 118 and 130. I prefer to have sex with the lights off. I'm tensed when having sex. The addict part of my sexuality is that I think about sex 100 % of the time. I always fantasized about men. I don't have sex that often. I've never cheated on my 2 previous husbands. When I lack for sex I masturbate. When I'm single I had and have sex with lots of men with condoms included. They're total strangers. We would meet at a motel. I meet them from the internet sex site. I have a profile posted there. I get lots of responses. But I don't sleep with all of them. I have
Fantasized about it. Once the sex is over with I have to sleep with someone else again. It's a get rid of an urge, extremely horny sensation that I get, hard to concentrate on something else type of feeling. I've slept with 3 different men in one night before. Not at the same time. It's sex without the affection that I lack in my life. It's like being hooked on porn. Which I am. I can go for a year without looking at porn. And I'm back looking at that again. The porn thing will repeat itself once a year or less. I've only had 2 relationships in my time. The rest are sex with men I either know or don't know. Being a sex addict is like being on drugs. Even doe, I don't know what that's like because I've never done street drugs before. They say some people on drugs got to have another hit. That's the way it is with a sex addict. Well I'm speaking of me. I know this is a very long question with an explanation attached to it. Thanks for reading. If anyone can give me some advice from experience or professional advice I will appreciate it. I would love to have an orgasm with a man so much to experience what other women have experienced in that area.
Sincerely,
Cynthia:( :confused: :rolleyes: :o

First of all, I don't know anything about sexual addiction. :)

From your story, it sounds to me like you don't have a well-rounded life. I think you will enjoy your life more if you have all kinds of things to do so you can focus on other pleasure and don't obsess about sex. I won't recommend a 12 Step Program for Sex Addicts because it seems I read that that is often a place to hook-up.

Think back... what were you like when you last respected yourself? You should be able to get a clue or two on what you would enjoy doing and who you would enjoy being going forward. My opinion is that everyone needs activities from the following... sports, hobbies, adult education, altruistic cause.

As far as your question, forget about that as a goal for your life. Expand your horizons, girl!! You never know what good things will happen to you when you go for a positive life.


Best wishes to you while you start to fix your life.

I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm a shy/quiet, anti-social individual. Who has quite a bit of medical problems and a mother/caregiver to my son who has a lot of medical problems as well. I'm severely stressed out. It's easly for you to say what you've said. You probably
Have stress-free life, no medical problems, no financial problems. I'm handling it my own way which is probably not normal. I hold things in. It's easy for you to say "get over it" in your own way. I admitted I have an addiction. It's not as easy as people think it is. And I also asked about advice on orgasm. Not to be judged nor criticized by anyone. Because no one has that right but GOD.
Sincerely,
Cynthia

I guess you're talking to me?

I was trying to be positive and helpful if you reread my comments. A person can't enjoy life unless s/he has a positive attitude.

Sorry you got offended. :)


Enjoy...

Been there! Choux is right, the activities of living a full life can distract you from your main obsession. But I hear you when you say, I'm depressed.

I believe that on top of all the confusion, hurt and frustration, your underlying problem has not been fully addressed. Whatever happened to you, that you do not remember, you need to remember it. You need to grieve.

Being obsessed with sex when you have orgasms so infrequently is understandable. Do you have a vibrator? Successful masturbation would help, so much. Additionally, when women do not have sex, they often try to fill that big empty hole in their soul, with a penis. Too bad it can't just stay there, huh?

Choux said something I hadn't thought of. Going to Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings will connect you with those who not only understand, they want to have sex too. It would get you out of the house too, to engage in an activity that is very positive. You need to talk about it without shame.

That's true. You know something. I did remember some things before 2005 after Jan. 2006
I lost a lot of memory from my past. In a way I'm glad. Because you have no idea how much torment and pain I've suffered because of what I've remember. I guess I took it out on sex. Oh by the way. I used a vibrator. I think it's a whole host of things that's keeping me from having an orgasm: like abuse, trama, anxiety, depression, anti-depression pills, tension, etc. And like the both of you say, it's dealing with it head on. Going to support groups and maybe evening making some friends alone the way.
Sincerely,
Cynthia

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by seductive

I'm 42 and I've never had an orgasm with a man. I would love to know what that feels like
to have an orgasm. I had an orgasm from a wet dream and that happens like maybe once a year. I've never had an orgasm from masturbating. When I was in high school and college during tests time only. I will have a very extremely high arousal during tests time only. I'm trying to give as much information as I can to get some good advice back in return. My memory is suppressed from childhood and early adulthood trama. I tried Zestra
for sexual female enhancement but it only made me very warm. I get that from KY. I'm a self-conscious person who is overweight. I've always been a petite person. Until my late 30's I've gained a lot of weight. I knew what the problem was: medications. Which I got that problem taken care of. I only went from 260 to 220. Before this massive weight gain. I used to weigh between 118 and 130. I prefer to have sex with the lights off. I'm tensed when having sex. The addict part of my sexuality is that I think about sex 100 % of the time. I always fantasized about men. I don't have sex that often. I've never cheated on my 2 previous husbands. When I lack for sex I masturbate. When I'm single I had and have sex with lots of men with condoms included. They're total strangers. We would meet at a motel. I meet them from the internet sex site. I have a profile posted there. I get lots of responses. But I don't sleep with all of them. I have
fantasized about it. Once the sex is over with I have to sleep with someone else again. It's a get rid of an urge, extremely horny sensation that I get, hard to concentrate on something else type of feeling. I've slept with 3 different men in one night before. Not at the same time. It's sex without the affection that I lack in my life. It's like being hooked on porn. Which I am. I can go for a year without looking at porn. And I'm back looking at that again. The porn thing will repeat itself once a year or less. I've only had 2 relationships in my time. The rest are sex with men I either know or don't know. Being a sex addict is like being on drugs. Even doe, I don't know what that's like because I've never done street drugs before. They say some people on drugs got to have another hit. That's the way it is with a sex addict. Well I'm speaking of me. I know this is a very long question with an explanation attached to it. Thanks for reading. If anyone can give me some advice from experience or professional advice I will appreciate it. I would love to have an orgasm with a man so much to experience what other women have experienced in that area.
Sincerely,
Cynthia:( :confused: :rolleyes: :o

---

Hello Cynthia,

You talk about suppressing memnories of the past. How was your relationship with your father? Was it a healthy one? Nothing sexual I'm asking for you mention nothing of your father being abusive in any form. Cynthia, I believe you should take the time to evaluate the reasons as to why you feel sexual during a test, why only wet dreams and why no connection with a man to make you feel sexual and aroused for love making.

If you find yourself to focus on self. It's time to stop and think of becoming one with the person you choose to give yourself to. Try for one moment to think the man you're slleping with is a test and how exciting it would be to pass the test by bursting into estacy on his paper (body).

Although I'm giving you something to think about. I believe until you are serious of committing yourself to one person and putting it into practice. The trust factor and the willness to let go will not happen. Finally don't be addicted to sex, become addicted to making love.

Doctor-Hall

The only thing I can suggest is that you check out one of these websites below for sexual addiction recovery programs. One of them might be able to help you out.

#SLAA Online Group of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous - Home

http://www.saa-recovery.org

What is Sexaholics Anonymous?

http://www.sca-recovery.org

Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. Sexual Addiction and Sexual Dependency Treatment

Sexual Addiction

Also, I would recommend a book on the subject that might help you. It is called "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" by Ph.D. Patrick Carnes. Find it here:

Out of the Shadows

Good luck.

Elliot

I could be wrong, but it sounds as if you have isolated yourself in a world with no real friends or activities, that bring you satisfaction. Get out and be with people, and find out the things that make you happy, and get you away at least for a while, from the things that don't. I don't think this has as much to do with sex, as it does with the way you see yourself, and your life.

I hate to be obvious here---but WHAT ABOUT COUNSELING?!

Seriously--there's more going on with you than just a sex addiction. You're balancing serious stressors, and it sounds like you're doing it with little to no support!

You need to talk to a professional about rounding your life out, getting some balance (and some relief!) from your stress, and working out exactly what it is that you're blocking and why!

Why can't you have an orgasm? I'm betting that once you figure out what's causing you so much anxiety in your past, you'll be able to work through it, and find a way to orgasm.

Honey--I wish you the best, but you NEED professional counseling. No one here is going to be able to give you the help you need, because you will need it long-term, and you'll need it from someone with greater qualifications (not that I'm knocking myself or my fellow AMHDers!)

Please--you have a serious condition. If you were physically ill, would you not see a doctor? So why not see one when you are emotionally ill?