I have my reasons for asking about this to be done on me, I have no end of pain and have seen many doctors to try to stop this for which I haven't had one single bit of help at all. I have pain from my clitoris, I have no sexual pleasure at all(whatever that might be, as I've never felt anything even nice!) and I'm at the end of my tether now I want the source of pain gone. Here's the problem though I live in the uk, how and where can I start to get this done.

I can't help but believe that this is a psychological problem, so, I won't make any suggestions to you. I don't think the solution to your problem is to mutilate your genitals!


Best wishes in the future

How is removal of the source of pain mutilation?

Have you seen a psychiatrist about this too, to cover all the bases and make sure the pain isn't coming from an emotional source?

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Originally Posted by orgasmless

how is removal of the source of pain mutilation?

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Removal doesn't mean the end of the pain.

As I said, I think the cause of your pain is psychological, so cutting the female clitoris is mutilation, by definition, just like removing the clitoris for religious or tribal reasons is female genital mutilation.

If you had cancer of the external genital area, that would be a different story.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have you seen a psychiatrist about this too, to cover all the bases and make sure the pain isn't coming from an emotional source?

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Hey of course silly me the pain that I have must be in my head! Why didn't I think of that? Of course the pain is real, do you really think I haven't been through all this before?

I've been sent to therapy before to have a woman tell me that the rape I suffered 10 years back wasn't anything to truamatic, and this pain that I have now has nothing to do with any of that its been like this all my life I thought until recently that it was totally normal to live with burning and glass rubbing into it type pain that's constant

Please listen as I do know what I speak of, unfortunately.

I do NOT doubt your pain. I do NOT doubt you have never found pleasure. I do NOT even doubt you are at the end of your tether.

More often than not pain has an emotional source rather than a physical source and there is NO sane doctor on the planet that would consider assisting you with this prior to a full psychological evaluation. If it is proven that the source of pain is not emotional, you will then stand in a better position to ask for assistance from a specialist. You can go directly to a specialist and they will send you to their psychologist to have you evaluated before they proceed with you to begin with.

Let's say that they find your source of pain is not emotional and the doctor agrees to assist you. Your surgery is scheduled and you go in for what you think will be a great relief of pain. You may just come out of surgery realizing you're in a worse position than you were to begin with.

Any time you have something removed that you were born with - that you're supposed to have - nerves are cut. When nerves are cut, no matter how it is handled, there can be great repercussions and pain is only one of them. Yes, the part is no longer there, however, the remaining nerve endings are and they still feel pain and send pain signals.

I think you need to look into this further and have some more testing done before you decide you want to do something so very drastic as you might just come out worse than you went in...

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by orgasmless

hey of course silly me the pain that i have must be in my head!! why didnt i think of that? of course the pain is real, do you really think i havent been through all this before?

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I didn't say the pain was all in your head. Of course, your pain is real! I said the source might be emotional.

Now that you mention rape, I am almost convinced that this needs to be explored further as emotional pain that has morphed into a physical pain.

Female circumcision is complete removal of all the female parts that are on the outside of the body (removal of the entire vulva.) It can also include sewing the vagina smaller to increase male pleasure. That's what I've heard. It's something done in the middle east to prevent women from experiencing any sexual pleasure except when actual sex is occurring. The usual result is that the woman experiences no sexual pleasure at all and usually has a great deal of pain.

Circumcise, means to cut around (in a circle.) That's what is done to so many baby boys. The "extra" skin at the end of the penis is removed by cutting. It is possible that your clitoral hood is not working right. That would be the equivalent of the male foreskin not giving way when the penis is erect. The problem may be psychological, but I don't think so. You need to find a doctor who sees the problem, believes that the pain you feel is real and is willing to help you find a solution.

Doctors in the UK are in a public medicine system. Socialized? You may need to find a physician who is outside of that system. Working on the female clitoris is very unusual and may not be "in their system." I didn't explain that very well, sorry.

Best of luck,
Simone

Female circumcision is more likely to cause you more pain and aggravation than you are feeling now.

Believe me without a cliterous then my hubby wouldn't feel oblidged to try to bring me to orgasm with it, which in turn causes me great amount of pain, I have tried and tried to get him to stop it but nothing works he's determined that I'm going to one day have an orgasm which I have never had in my life, I've had nothing but pain from having sex with this man, who is the only man I have ever slept with, I have no idea what sexual pleasure is I have no idea what arousal is I hanve no idea at all about anything of the concepts of what is a normal sexual experience whoever I do know all about pain from that area

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Originally Posted by orgasmless

the rape i suffered 10 years back

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So this wasn't (non-consenting) sexual intercourse? It caused no trauma in your emotional life? You've gotten over it just fine, thank you very much? It doesn't affect you and your sex response now? There are no memories of it, no flashbacks, no reason to bring it up in this thread?

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Originally Posted by orgasmless

i have tried and tried to get him to stop it but nothing works

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I sure would get mad, upset when he wouldn't stop. He's forcing an activity on you that you don't want. Isn't that a kind of rape too?

Now I understand... you are being "worked over" by a man you don't really like, about sex which you don't really like, in a marriage you don't really like, have bad memories from the past... this is called living hell in my book.

I'm not sure, but I think there may be a cultural barrier for me here. Are you a Muslim woman? If so, my thoughts may not be appropriate for you.

The two of you need to see a sex therapist. If anything, perhaps s/he can get your husband off your case with all the useless(and probably ham handed) genital manipulation. I agree, it is painful to have one's clitoris manipulated in some circumstances, but specially the situation you described.

The biggest sex organ is the BRAIN... until you are happy, have good feelings about sex, sex will just be a nuisance.

All the above is my opinion.


Best wishes, dear one.

No you misunderstand me, I haven't been worked over by anyone here OK, until recently I knew nothing at all about women having orgasms, this after 27 years of being with my husband was the first time I had heard of it at all, he until then was shocked I knew nothing about it, and more so that I had never felt that at all, he set out on a mission to bring me to that point in our sex life, OK I have pain issues, these have been present all my life, I again knew no differently and thought it was totally normal to fel that way, hey they even scream on TV when having sex, so they must hurt like I do!

No I'm not muslin, in fact I don't follow any particular faith, I don't understand what you mean about having good sexual thoughts though, sex has nothing good to give me, never has done, its just brought me a load of pain from the conception right thr to child birth, the idea is OK but in reality that leaves a lot to be desired.

As for the rape that happened 10 years ago, and OK I accept that it won't have had a good experience for me but well even that just proved to me that all this time I was just not cut out to have a good sexual experience, I had the pain before that time from the first day I slept with my now husband to this day its never changed and more than liely won't either

We have done the route of sex therapy a few years back and in fact that woman made matters far worse for me, the sensate focus she had us doing was a complete dissaster from the beginning I hated it, it gave me panick attacks and I had no idea on what I was meant to be doing, the stage that should have took 2 weeks took months and months before we gave up as she wasn't listening to me at all never asked why it was failing so seeing as we don't have any alternative to see we had no alternative but to stop seeingher

I don't feel like we can communicate very well.

Have a Happy New Year!



Kindest regards,

So, if I understand this correctly, you have had pain there constantly your entire life, you didn't realize that you aren't supposed to have pain there, there's no connection to the pain and any sexual experiences, therapists haven't helped and, in fact, don't listen to you.

As far as surgery goes, that area of your body is full of nerve endings. Removing your clitoris will not guarantee freedom from pain, and might cause a lot more new pain over a wider area. Certainly you can contact some major medical centers such as Mayo Clinic by email or on their 800 lines, or find a specialist in women's sexual health. In this day and age of electronic and medical wonders, there's no reason for you to suffer.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So, if I understand this correctly, you have had pain there constantly your entire life, you didn't realize that you aren't supposed to have pain there, there's no connection to the pain and any sexual experiences, therapists haven't helped and, in fact, don't listen to you.

As far as surgery goes, that area of your body is full of nerve endings. Removing your clitoris will not guarantee freedom from pain, and might cause a lot more new pain over a wider area. Certainly you can contact some major medical centers such as Mayo Clinic by email or on their 800 lines, or find a specialist in women's sexual health. In this day and age of electronic and medical wonders, there's no reason for you to suffer.

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Yes your right that's how it has been for me, other than yes I knew that the pain was caused mainly by having sex, but this was part of being married wasn't it? So that part of it was something that we all as women went through each time.

OK maybe I could contact the mayo clinic in the us but as I live in the uk then there's going to be a major problem in that as the health system here is lacking to say the least, more so on the sex side of treatment help available.

But by contacting specialists in the US, you will hopefully get more information about what is wrong. That information will be valuable and can be conveyed to doctors in the UK who will examine you with intelligence.

There might even be a simple solution.

Write down simply and as concisely as possible the history of this problem and how it feels, when there is pain, etc. Keep a journal too.

I did that last year and the doctors would not accept what the us doctors had to say and made me go through it all again and then disagreed with there findings and then struck me of there list for complaining about the lack of treatment I was getting

What did the US doctors say was wrong?