Ask Me Help Desk - Can I still get my ex back?

I was broken up with in August, by the ex I'll call P. We were together for ten months and hadn't gotten to see much of each other all summer, just once a week. He wouldn't really give an actual reason for his decision, besides that I was being too judgmental of people. He told me that he still cared for me, but that his decision wouldn't change in the near future. I went a little overboard trying to get him back, contacting him constantly and being where he was.

In October, I started feeling like I could date again, so I did. I dated a guy for a couple weeks, but all he wanted was a hook-up, and I ended up meeting another guy when I went home from school for break. The third guy and I hit it off well, and we've been dating for the past two months. He broke up with me Monday, saying that there was no emotional connection for him, that I was too clingy, and he pretty much didn't want to make long-distance work. I thought I wanted him back, thought I was in love with him and told him so.

Two nights later, I had three dreams. The first was me with the most recent ex. I asked him if he had feelings for me now, and he said "sure." The next two dreams were two parts of one. I had returned to school and P came to my room. He gave me a piece of paper with many reasons I should take him back. He told me he'd realized that he did want to be with me and kept hugging me and begging me. I told him that there were some things that I needed to tell him that he probably wasn't going to like, but he didn't want to hear them, that he understood what I had done and still wanted me.

I thought about it all day Thursday, and I realized that P is a much better guy than the recent ex was and that four months and two guys later, I still want him back. I had already contacted him on Tuesday because I found out my mom had been texting him and he replied and told me what she had said and to have a good break. He knows that my boyfriend broke up with me, but I don't know if he knows I want him back still. I talked to his sister, and she said that she's not sure what he wants right now, but that he's not interested in girls at the moment and that since he broke up with me, all he's been interested in is video games. She's sure that he'll want to be friends still and that she'd talk to him when she gets home for break. She knows what my intentions are with P and I think she does want to see him with a girl, not a video game.

All I know right now is that I have to try and reestablish friendship with him, but I'm not entirely certain how to do that. I did send him a Christmas card in the mail and I poked him on Facebook, but beyond that, I don't know what I can do, since I'm on break from school for the next month, and the only means of contact I have are Facebook, MySpace, Email, and the phone, but he doesn't have my phone number, as I got a new phone. Does anyone have any advice on how to reestablish the friendship or become more than friends?

Your not going to like this, but your best course is to leave him alone, and stop contacting him. Stay out of relationships for now, and get use to being happy with a single you. And keep everyone else, including mom, OUT OF YOU PERSONEL BUSINESS. This is not to get him back, but to get you healthy enough to see things clearly. Your trying to date others before you were over the ex, was doomed to failure, as rebound relationships are, as you were not ready. Until you learn to love yourself, you will be spinning your wheels trying to get the past back, when its gone. Sorry, but read the links in my signature for some very good guidance about the healing process.

"All I know right now is that I have to try and reestablish friendship with him, but I'm not entirely certain how to do that. I did send him a Christmas card in the mail and I poked him on Facebook, but beyond that, I don't know what I can do."

I think you have done enough. Time to locate another nice guy and start again. You have tried to contact him and he is not responding. Forget working through his family and friends, OK? Just look elsewhere and you will do well.

Its obvious he still has feelings for you, its just he's taking them out on.. video games. Maybe he just doesn't want a girlfriends at the CURRENT moment. Talk to him in a little while. Don't rush into things, even though you do know him well treat it like a new relationship. Oh, don't cling, they both had that problem with you. I hope I helped : ) take care, good luck.

Updating:

I emailed him, let him know that I was sorry for being crazy after he broke up with me, and that I would return his stuff that I've kept all this time. He responded to tell me that he'd take his things back if I didn't want them, that I have nothing to apologize for, and that he probably won't have another relationship for a long time. I'm going to accept that, and I'll be friendly to him when I get back to school.

But, he's sending me mixed signals without knowing he is. He never uses MySpace, but since Christmas, he's been logging in and reading my blog, every post I've made since then. Last night, by accident, I got on and saw him check my blog as soon as he'd signed on to MySpace. I'm not entirely sure why he's doing that, whether it's a sign that he does still care or if he's just checking to see if I mention him, but it's rather confusing, especially when he never used to use MySpace, and actually hasn't used it since we broke up, and now he's signing on every day to read my blog.

Any thoughts?

Thanks to the internet, its easy to send mixed signals, indirect signals, or any signal at all without actually talking to the person. I know you want to see this blog checking as a positive thing and it may in fact be, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. As far as reestablishing a friendship, I would just flat out tell him, maybe throw in a few jkes or something to keep it light-hearted... I would say the possibility of a relationship between the 2 of you, however, is a good ways down the road, if at all.

You do have to think, though, you WANT HIM BACK... trying to establish a connection may only make things worse because now you will be in contact with him, but not in the way you want to be, so it'll be uneasy for the both of you. If you think you can handle friends for a WHILE, or permanently, then go for it... if your hoping for a quick fix for the both of you and jumping back into a relationship right away, forget about it, and move on

Sometimes people send mixed signals, a sign of confusion, on their part. Sometimes its us receiving a mixed signal, also a sign of confusion, but its our own. That's what happens after a break up, confusion! On everyone's part.

Darn that confusion. It seems there are no road signs or maps. I view confusion as the yellow signal that follows green; it means caution, danger is ahead because the red signal is next.

Confusion never comes alone, it brings a good friend, impulse, now that's a dangerous feeling to act on. Its so easy, no thinking required.

I'm not doing anything my impulses tell me to do at this point. I'm continuing to post in my blog every day like usual, and I'm not giving away the fact that I know he's reading it. If he decides he wants to contact me, he knows how. The only thing about it, is that it's annoying that he's choosing this way to find out what's going on with me, instead of just asking me.

You should change the location of your blog, thinking that he is following along. This also falls under 'impulse' or 'trick'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by George_1950

You should change the location of your blog, thinking that he is following along. This also falls under 'impulse' or 'trick'.

I don't think I quite follow what you mean by this. Can you explain, please?