Well, my boyfriend and I of a year and a half just broke up because he made a myspace. He added all these girls that use to ask to have sex with them while we were dating. I know that I should be able to trust him with a myspace, but I don't and won't.

Anyway, we are still talking about the situation. He will most likely delete it but before this we were having problems because of my jealousy. I would hardly ever even have a conversation with him, and when I did I was just asking questions about like if he was looking at other girls, or if he flirted with other girls, blah blah blah. He is a rare catch, he's defiantly the type of guy that wouldn't look at other girls in front of me and such. We've just had very horrible times that made me trust him less and I would like to win that trust back, but my jealousy is holding me back.

I know that he is much more mature than he used to be and that he's a changed guy. I know that he loves me because I said REALLY hurtful {and I mean REALLYYYYYY hurtful} things to him and yet he still keeps coming back every time.

I know I love him because I still want to go through this pain of talking to him while he has that dang site. But I don't know what will happen in the future if we do get back together because of my jealousy.

All in all, I'll ask straight-up.

How do I get rid of the jealousy I've been carrying with me for maybe the past year?

Thanks in advance,

-lyss

Just curious: "...these girls that use to ask to have sex with them while we were dating." Can you explain a little clearer what you are saying? He asked them? Or they asked him? And how do you know this? Was he telling you?

You I agree with george... can you give us more info.. like how old are you?. and jealousy is not a thing you can get rip with.. the best you can do is try to not let it get to you...

They're asking him
And he's telling me
So that I know.

They don't do it anymore, and haven't for like a year
But it, say, haunts me.

And I know that I have to let go, but if it were that easy for me, I wouldn't be asking for help would I? Not to come off as being mean or anything.

I'm thinking about going to a counselor. I have incredibly low self esteem and I think most the problems I see are in my head, and to add to that my memory isn't too great. I'm most likely exaggerating little problems. Making mountains out of mole hills. You know?

But I do understand that jealousy is definitely a problem, and it's not nesscisarily the guy. I think it'd be this way with a different one as well, and I don't want to live with this feeling of mistrust of everybody, including friends and parents, people in general, my entire life.

Jealousy may be a warning signal to you, that his behavior is not acceptable. May I make an assumption, that you are a younger woman? Even if I am wrong, trust is important in a relationship. It seems to me that you have pointed out an area where you don't trust him, though you want to. I think counseling is a good idea; but I wouldn't go into it trying to prove myself wrong, especially on the 'trust' issue.

Hi lysseh,
What I hear in your two posts above is that you do not trust people, haven't for the past year or so. You sound quite sane to me, and intelligent. What happened to you?

Yeah, it's possible that your mistrust of him is mistaken. Or maybe he really is a jerk? But you have it exactly right. You are your own problem at the moment. Counselling is the right course if you haven't been able to figure it out for yourself yet.

To trust others you must confront your own fears. I read something once about trust. Something like, you can doubt everyone, and protect yourself until they prove to be trustworthy, or, you can trust everyone until they prove themselves untrustworthy.

Perhaps you were raised to be distrustful? Some families are incredibly careful about others. Talk to someone. Someone unbiased, who is not in your family or circle of friends. In any case, if you really want the guy, he is what he is. He may be just momentarily full of himself. Or...

I think you are wise to recognise your problem, and even wiser to know you need counseling. How you got to this low self esteem is anyone's guess, but at the root of this is your inability to love yourself enough to be confident, in your choices or actions, so an honest self evaluation is really needed to understand why you feel this way. Past hurts, and dissappointments could play a part in this, and you haven't gotten over it, but without more background information, its hard to be specific.