5 Months ago my Ex did a midnight flite took most of my belongings and my 3 daughters. She accuses me of cheating. She does have BPD and has left me for various other reasons (14 Times). Non where what I would call valid.
She has a serious communication problem.
She once left me with my girls because she didn't like where we were living, drove 1800km's to where she wanted to live, because she wanted me to follow but never ever said a word. Had she said she wasn't happy can we move, I would have said hell yes. But this emotional Blackmail is not on. I did NC then and moved on. As soon as I had met someone new, bam she begged to come back. This is just crazy behaviour.

This time I said "Enough". I did emmediate NC and decided to move on from this crazy life.
However it bothers me that this time she accused be of cheating with NO evidence or justification. I can deny it as much as I like but ultimately I don't feel I need to. My 3 girls won't talk to me.
Why is it so easy to accuse somebody of an action, but when you don't have any physical evidence you didn't because you didn't, how do you defend.
I don't even know who I am suppose to have done it with.
What a crazy situation.
I have just taken the attitude to just move on. But I feel I have been unjustly been judged and she doesn't stop sinking the boot in.

Why do wemen get an idea in there head then repeat so many times they start to believe it themselves?
What a crazy situation.

I more thing!
When I read these posts where the word cheating comes up I get a chill. I sometimes think, I wonder if they did or is it just suspected due to there own insecurities/
I am sorry.
It just some times like you have been placed on trial for something you haven't done.

Actually I may have just realised what she has done. She was trying to inflick confusion in my life to scramble my mind. What are your thoughts.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AustProd6

5 Months ago my Ex did a midnight flite took most of my belongings and my 3 daughters. She accuses me of cheating. She does have BPD and has left me for various other reasons (14 Times). Non where what I would call valid.
She has a serious communication problem.
She once left me with my girls because she didn't like where we were living, drove 1800km's to where she wanted to live, because she wanted me to follow but never ever said a word. Had she said she wasn't happy can we move, I would have said hell yes. But this emotional Blackmail is not on. I did NC then and moved on. As soon as I had met someone new, bam she begged to come back. This is just crazy behaviour.

This time I said "Enough". I did emmediate NC and decided to move on from this crazy life.
However it bothers me that this time she accused be of cheating with NO evidence or justification. I can deny it as much as I like but ultimately I don't feel I need to. My 3 girls won't talk to me.
Why is it so easy to accuse somebody of an action, but when you don't have any physical evidence you didn't because you didn't, how do you defend.
I don't even know who I am suppose to have done it with.
What a crazy situation.
I have just taken the attitude to just move on. But I feel I have been unjustly been judged and she doesn't stop sinking the boot in.

Why do wemen get an idea in there head then repeat so many times they start to beleive it themselves?
What a crazy situation.

I more thing!
When I read these posts where the word cheating comes up I get a chill. I sometimes think, I wonder if they did or is it just suspected due to there own insecurities/
I am sorry.
It just some times like you have been placed on trial for something you haven't done.

Actually I may have just realised what she has done. She was trying to inflick confusion in my life to scramble my mind. What are your thoughts.

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Relationships are a crazy rollercoater ride. They true answer lies within you. A few questions you have to ask yourself are:
1. Have you ever given her reason/s to lose trust in you? (I: Have you ever cheated on her in the past? Even if show knows about it)
2. Was your relationship with her started by cheating on someone else?
3. Do you prefer hanging out with your friends to spening time with your woman?
4. Have you ever physically or verbally abused your significant other (Yelling, swearing, hitting... )?
5. Do you tell her you Love her frequently (not during sex) and do you compliment her appearance?
6. Do you actually show her that you love her by offering to help her or give her affection or listen to her when she tries to talk to you.
7. Are you married to her yet? (or have you asked her to marry you with the expectation of really doing it?).
8. Have you proven to be a worthy husband (Do you work and keep jobs or do you bounce from job to job or do you have a job most of the time?)
9. Are you a good father? (do you spend quality time with your children?)
10. Do you take your woman out on dates once every week or two?
11. Do you put her needs (as well as your children') before yours?
12. Do you tell your significant other how your day goes or how you feel about things?
13. Do you listen to her when she talks to you? (or do you argue, debate, put on the wife ears, yes her to death, ignore her, nod your head, defend yourself, interrupt, or are your just waiting for your turn to talk)

If you honestly answered questions 1-4 No and 5-13 Yes than you are on the right track in dealing with your significant other, but I'm sure you can still work on yourself because we all can.
If you need improvement in any or all of those areas, stop trying to change your significant other and focus on your areas of opportunity. That is like fixing a motor with broken tools. If your significant other see these changes in you it will only help your relationship. (very rarely will it not work). I suggest, that if you are truly concerned, go to a good Bible based Spiritually rich, church and learn the Truth and seek good Christian counseling. Picture you and your wife as 2 strand of a rope and God as the center 3rd strand. A marriage weaved around God can not fail!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Outastep99

Relationships are a crazy rollercoater ride. They true answer lies within you. A few questions you have to ask yourself are:
1. Have you ever given her reason/s to lose trust in you? (i: Have you ever cheated on her in the past? Even if show knows about it)
2. Was your relationship with her started by cheating on someone else?
3. Do you prefer hanging out with your friends to spening time with your woman?
4. Have you ever physically or verbally abused your significant other (Yelling, swearing, hitting...)?
5. Do you tell her you Love her frequently (not during sex) and do you compliment her appearance?
6. Do you actually show her that you love her by offering to help her or give her affection or listen to her when she tries to talk to you.
7. Are you married to her yet? (or have you asked her to marry you with the expectation of really doing it?).
8. Have you proven to be a worthy husband (Do you work and keep jobs or do you bounce from job to job or do you have a job most of the time?)
9. Are you a good father? (do you spend quality time with your children?)
10. Do you take your woman out on dates once every week or two?
11. Do you put her needs (as well as your children') before yours?
12. Do you tell your significant other how your day goes or how you feel about things?
13. Do you listen to her when she talks to you? (or do you argue, debate, put on the wife ears, yes her to death, ignore her, nod your head, defend yourself, interrupt, or are your just waiting for your turn to talk)

If you honestly answered questions 1-4 No and 5-13 Yes than you are on the right track in dealing with your significant other, but I'm sure you can still work on yourself because we all can.
If you need improvement in any or all of those areas, stop trying to change your significant other and focus on your areas of opportunity. That is like fixing a motor with broken tools. If your significant other see these changes in you it will only help your relationship. (very rarely will it not work). I suggest, that if you are truly concerned, go to a good Bible based Spiritually rich, church and learn the Truth and seek good Christian couseling. Picture you and your wife as 2 strand of a rope and God as the center 3rd strand. A marraige weaved around God can not fail!

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Here are the answers to the items above.
1. When she left me last time, (drove 1800kms) I met and started a relationship with my boss (Female) who was 10 years younger. We had split, I moved states in Australia From Tasmania to Victoria and Ex was home in Queensland. It was a bit of rebound thing for me but as soon as ex found out she was back. Hard thing was she was my boss until January this year when my Ex and Family moved to Qld. She always said although she had left me she felt it was cheating. I just can't figure that.
2. No, But she was always a Green Eyed Monster.
3. I dare not. She was always controlling and made me pay for it if it ever happened. Even Family. If I went to she my Brother (9 Years Older) she would text me or call every hour until home. In the end I just didn't bother. If I was 5 minutes late home I would get the 3rd degree. Very Insecure Person.
4. No. She would push my Hot Buttons until I left the house to cool down. It was if she always wanted me too. She had been in previous Abusive relationships.
5. Actually all the time. I mean all the time. Even text messages out of the blue just saying that.
6. Every day. Every night I would get 2 hours of just listening to her whining. Felt it was my duty as spouse.
7. Marriage NO! Together 18 years, Split 14 times, Bought 3 Engagement rings. She would never stay long enough. I was never going to marry someone who was going to bolt at a drop of a hat.
8. ME: Same Job 6 Years, then 15 Years previous job. Her: New job every 6 months, same routine, she loves it at the start then things turn when she feels undervalued.
9. OK. Could have always been better. But not a dead bea dad. Every Sunday was family day. We would all get in the car and drive to have a bbq or picnic. Every Sunday.
10. She controlled the money. So every once and a while. Every Friday night we went for drinks. Not bad considering I don't drink more than 1 beer.
11. Average here. What she wanted we talked about but generally it was Emotional Blackmail until she got what she wanted.
12. GEnerally no. I spend all my time talking about her day. With me she gets too involved and throws things back in my face. (I am in Area Manager)
13. Average Male on this one.

So what's the deal??
I go back to my original Questions.

There is no way to defend yourself and prove you did not do something. Period, you tire of trying to defend, since it is not first posible, and next will get old soon. So you tell whoever you wish to tell the truth and then don't discuss it further, if a ex wants to rant about lies, that is their problem, don't let it start controlling your life, you move on.

Celebrate your freedom, and forget looney-tune.

I see that you have quite a handful. The Only questions left to ask are:
1. Do you still love her?
2. Has she sought propessional help for her psychological issues?
3. Does she want the relationship to work it out?
4. Do you want it to work out?
5. Have you discussed or sought marriage counseling?

If neither of you attempt to resolve this issue, than it will only get worse.
You need to:
1. Let her know that if she continues to exhibit Jealous behavoir, you will be forced to move on as too much Jealously is unhealthy and will tear apart a relationship. Without Trust, you have nothing. She appears to be very insecure and has likely been hurt in the past (either directly in her own relationship or indirectly as a child watching her parents).
2. Let her know that if she ever leave you again, that it is over and make sure to get custody of your children as her condition is unhealthy for your children to be around constantly (do not keep going back with her every time she comes back). Do not be a safe place for her. Are you sure she is not the one who is cheating? A sign of infidelity is accusing the other person of cheating. They also attempt improve their appearance and may have lclaim to be going to the Gym or Yoga or class or something. Be watchful.
3. Try a scouples retreat with other couples looking to repair their relationships.
4. I certainly do not advise breaking up, but in your case, you are not married and if it is more detrimental to your children if you stay together, than you are better off spliting up for good. 14 tries is beyond ridiculous. 15 times is not a charm! Make a decision and stick to it. Your spouse should treat you as you treat her.

I think not. When she left I did immediate NC, for my own healing. Enough was enough.
Love her Yep, but definitely not in love with her. She is toxic. I have had enough. She may have skipped but I feel I ended the cycle for good. (So FAr)

Just frustrated she has convinced my daughters I had an affair, to justify her crazy behaviour.

She can lie all she wants, in time they will see the truth. Your healing is the most important ting as she cannot stop you from being a good father.

Oh but hse can stop me being a good father.
Because all comunication with my girls is through her. Catch 22.

That's only for now, remember that.