A friend recently talked to me after my break up of 1 years time with a girlfriend I thought I would die without... like my whole life was for her, and that probably hurt our relationship just as bad as her doing the same to me too. I gave her everything I was, and sacrificed so much and it was all just a waste of my life now.

Then he told me "You should only love someone that can give you true, healthy love in return. Stay away from unhealthy love that makes you feel like you wouldn't be living if it weren't for them, nothing good can come from that if you break up - and that puts pressure your on relationship in the first place to set it up to break up."

He said it something like that, but since then its kind of opened my eyes on love. A healthy love can benefit each person and in the end (break up or no break up) make you a better person, where as unhealthy love (such as my first love) can make you feel too attached to someone to the point of where your brainwashed into thinking you NEED that person to go on living with yourself. I've realized that I do not need my ex, and that I am my own person, bottom line.

I went through the whole "there will never be anyone else out there" stage of grief... well that's bs now since I feel like I can be happy on my own, and if another woman comes - I will give her my love, but not give her everything of me. That's not saying that I will never get married. (divorces are common nowadays just in case)

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying love is not permanent or that you shouldn't give someone all of your love - lets just say you don't have to love someone to the point of where you couldn't see a world without them.. because after that it is just down right unhealthy for you.

I could go on and on about how awkward the way my Ideals are, but I'm not going to bother and just say that there is no sense of feeling sad after a break up when you should be happy that you still are alive and always have yourself (and hopefully also some friends too, like my friend that helped me out).

I'll feel free to go over any subject that someone can bring up.. I'm new to this break up thing but I can tell you what my heart is certain it is feeling.

I Don't know about what your friend said. I feel like I would die if my hubby left me. But we have been together for 3.5 years and married for 1.5 moths and that is the least of our worries

Yes but see that is the point. You Don't worry about what it would be like if you weren't together. With me and my girlfriend I kept on thinking how bad I would be without her and look what happened.. I turned out all right. You and your hubby are what I like to call happy, and shouldn't think any different... but when you put the thought of what it would be like without him, could you pick yourself up and be good (probably not as good) but still be good on your own?

After you feel like you would be OK without him, you can start to feel like he is making you a better person and that his love is good for you, rather than only living because of him. I'm not saying that you Should live without him, just saying that he is only making you better and happier, instead of making you who you are at the core. Does any of that sync with you?

That's a nice way to put it in perspective. It is very unhealthy to plan your every day and every happy moment with someone else. I just broke up with my boyfriend and I can see how unhealthy our love was. We are so young and he is scared of being with just one girl (even though he says he wants to be with me again) for the rest of my life. I feel like I'm just giving the person I love more than anything another girl. I blame myself for this because I didn't confront him when I started getting that sick feeling in my stomach. I just trusted him. Trusted that he loved me. Trusted him to give him all of my heart. Trusted hed always be there. It never ever crossed my mind that this would happen. :(

I'm just getting over a breakup as well and I know what it feels like to have given your life for so long and then being shattered. He cheated on me with another girl and now he's attached to yet another in a matter of 2 weeks... I know he cheated on me twice then!
Yet, I felt shattered for a while but now I know... it wasn't healthy love... I think this has made me wiser now... but I'm hoping to remember this when the next guy comes along... coz it seems hard to not think the world of the other person etc when in a relationship.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scurrydog

"You should only love someone that can give you true, healthy love in return. Stay away from unhealthy love that makes you feel like you wouldn't be living if it weren't for them, nothing good can come from that if you break up - and that puts pressure your on relationship in the first place to set it up to break up."

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A home-made quote on something such important like the game called Love. Your friend was trying to give you some help, I guess, but in fact it was to give himself some egoboost and calling himself a pseudophilosopher... Well, we all do it, wenn we feel unimportant or like second hand shop persons... anyway, stop talking about your friend, but lets talk about why people still believe they were OK and it was the dumper fault to leave them. Buddy, relations recipes are made with two people, 50%-50% responsabilities, 50%-50% problems, etc. So, I mean, they leave us because of us... like they love us because of us. Can you admit this? Yes or No, this is my opinion, and I'm going to tell you why. Lets talk about the "unhealthy love". Why do you call it an unhealthy love? Because they left, or because you were too clingy and needy or better yet, too nice to the point "it sucks"`?As you can see, there was a big problem in your behaviour too. You couldn't live without your ex... Now, stop worrying about your ex, stop hating her, stop blaming her for leaving you, stop calling her a traitor, stop everything you think about her, and take this breakup as an experience, to be a better boyfriend, and even more, a better person for this world made of wussies...

And by the way, this phrase of your "dont love someone to the point where you believe you can't live without them" really doesn't stick with Love! Its called dependency...