Hi,

I recently split with my ex. I know my part to play inits demise. Im sure I am healing slowly. I really have him in my head though. Im 32 he's 34. I found out 6mnths into the relationship that he had a girlfriend. Hes going to the caribean with her in Jan! This drove me mad when I found out, I am so angry with him, but we kept seeing each other. I know this was wrong, bu we both admitted that we were addicted to one another. Then I started randomly threatening to tell her and we started having arguments, I know this was to drive him away, cause I knew it was wrong. But then I insulted him and he got upset and more or less made up, bu not fully(drunk. Then he stopped contacting gme, fizzled out...
I swear since then I really miss him, its pshychological, I want what I can't have, but I am so upset I didn't get proper closure... that we only taled drunk, that he was upset, that I brough insults into it. I calle dhim a few weeks later(ago) and he was shocke dto hear from me and just hung up on me, this was the most hurtful thing he could've done... im confused, I just want closure, for us to chat and to say goodbye...
I'm contemplating calling to his house, to make ligt of it, I still want him to like me, I won't tell his girlfriend... I don't know should I wish him a happy xmas, and give him the impression I have moved on and forgive him, I want him to know I more or less forgive everything, and that I know my part in it too... sorry this is confusing if u have read it, what do u think I should do, I just wanted my closure and a proper goodbye... what do u think he is thinking now, would you say he misses me? I spoke toa guy the other night who said he split with his gal after a year and that yes he thinks of her all the time, I just can't believe he is happy with NO contact, with no proper godbye, I wonder does he still like me in any way! I wish I never threatened to tell the girlfiend, then we would be in touch now!

Sounds to me as though you had a legitimate issue and took necessary steps to resolve the problem. If you are comfortable with your boyfriend having two gfs, then ok; otherwise, it is bye-bye, baby. I think you did well, all in all. Now, have the courage of your convictions and just don't contact him any longer.

I really hope you stay the heck away from him, and never contact him in any way, then without him in your life you have a chance to be healthy and happy, without him. He has made his choice, now make yours. Be happy without him, or rejected by him again, and prolong the misery. Up to you.

Damn. 34 and he got 2 women. Dude has madd skills yo.

... on a serious note. Yeah. Run? Surround yourself with your friends. You don't need this d-bag.

... for curiosity sake, how'd he juggle 2 girls.. like, what'd he say to the other one when he was with you... or what'd he say to you when he was with her?. not going to use it or anything.. but... you know, just wanted to know.

"i just can't believe he is happy with NO contact, with no proper godbye, i wonder does he still like me in any way!! i wish i never threatened to tell the girlfiend, then we would be in touch now!!"

This is symptomatic of what we go through in the breakup: blaming ourselves. Your boyfriend is heartless, at this point, putting you through hell and making you pay for it.

I feel you. My ex (of 3 years) just left me for some other guy... and she seems to be having the time of her life. Out partying with him, going out to eat, while I'm sitting at home trying to think of one more thing to do so that I don't think about her. It sucks. Join the club.

Moving on with your own life without the exes, saves you a lot of misery and pain.

What goes around comes around in my experience.

YOU cheated with him knowing he had a girlfriend, HE cheated with you having a girlfriend. Now you "love him" and want him and this sucks and you don't know what to do:( The hurt you feel now is hurt you created by your own actions, so enjoy it and learn from it.

I don't mean to sounds rude but in situations like these the person (you) that engages in these types of scenarios (cheating, hurting others) deserve whatever it is that happens, you won't gardner any sympathy for cheating on a strangers man and then complaining that you can't have your "love".

Sorry

The guy clearly is a loser, or a winner, depending on your point of view, running with at least two women; and who is to say he doesn't have a third and fourth? But our friend's affections are misplaced, in my view, and she is hurting and needs to take appropriate action to stop the pain.

Wow, what I see is that you have some serious self-esteem issues. You got to believe that you deserve to have a faithful man. Forget about him and focus on yourself. He sounds like such a loser.

Hi thanks for all your replies, always did depend on the kindess of strangers! I actually feel a lot better about it today. I am beginning to control my thoughts rationally, and not give into my romantic impulses. I concentrating more on my busy college schedule as a mature student. I know my own part in its demise. I insulted him to subconciously turn him off me later regretted that) and then send a letter apologising. He calls me upset, we meet up (drunk!) and I fizzles out. I gues in the real world I don't get my romantic goodbye, we've had enough of them already. I was just wondering about telling the girlfriend (as revenge), but I know that will make things worse and I'll regret it(its all about me now!). I'd prefer to remember the good times and that it couldn't go on forever. OK it ended badly but we got on while it lasted. Getting revenge could ackfire as he did say he'd knife me(jokingly but!) or (smash my windows, that he knoes people, so there goes that!

[QUOTE=ISneezeFunny]I feel you. My ex (of 3 years) just left me for some other guy... and she seems to be having the time of her life. Out partying with him, going out to eat, while I'm sitting at home trying to think of one more thing to do so that I don't think about her. It sucks. Join the club.[/QUOTE

ye I love that quote, I hope he's not fooling round with some one new, but there goes my mind again, playing tricks instead of evicting him from my mind! ] its his loss too, let him miss me! sometimes I think it hits men later than women?. dunno, but I have been through enough in my life, I can move on, I was aware of the situation for a while, that he had a girlfriend but kept going on with it. The guilt was recking my hea though, I though he migt eventually want alll me and leave her! silly me! I was just finding it hard to et go, and put him, (above all people!) on a pedestal. Again its important for me to not hate too much, waste of energy and will twist my soul out of place...
See sometimes I'm angry, next min I'm secretly smiling thinking nice thoughts about him, next min I want to wreak revenege and tell the girlfriend, (like a roller-coaster)if I had a car I'd pop out to his house! See but I am consciously trying to lose these angry feelings, let them goooo yonder as this is obviously happening for a reason, the sooner I learn the lesson the better, I guess its true it gets easier when u get older. Im free to meet someone else, I don't need to cheat on my partner, he's the one who needs extra curricular sex! Thing is, here I go again, he was a very gentle, funlovin guy, who never really argues and is easygoing. His girlfriend is a lecturer in psychology with a PhD and I can't believe she wasn't intelligent enough to see through him. He had a bit of a heart operation last yr, and uses the excuse that life is about living for him now, that he nearly had to sign over his life a year ago just before I walked into his life!

He told her about me as I threatened once to tell in March (when I found out) and she ended up taking him back(but we kept going on for a few mnths). He says he's with her as they are compatible(after 10yrs-have a dream home-she may have money and she allows him to be himself! I think this means she allows him have affairs occasionally I really don't know... but he has her wrapped! Anyway thanks to you all for writing, it been a very useful website for me. I like [url=http://www.soulmateoracle.com]also
again forgiveness is the key and in the cycle of grief, losing a lover is also a form of that, but I think I am getting there in that I am less angry and am beginning to remember him in a good way without over romanticising it. I just can't believe I gave myself to him so completely(soul etc) when he wasn't for me, I should've just given him sex! He said he was with me as I was spiritual... and his last words to me after we met up drunk were"i love u so much babses, its all in the heart!" mmhmhhh anyway I want him to remember me in a spiritual way too and not someone who is a 'psycho' as he also put it! Someone who follows up on threats to destroy his relationship. Im not God, I can't control his life! o, I needed this release, don't mind my changing mind driftitng in and out of rational states and destructive thinking... nite

"there goes my mind again, playing tricks instead of evicting him" That is a problem for men and women, boys and girls; you just need coping strategies, in my opinion. Please keep us informed of developments; I don't think he will let you go that easily. Of course, he's going to say, "I love you". I like what you wrote about the cycle of grief; are you studying this now?

Yes, I'm studying social work. It's weird, a certain other stress has been eliminated from my life, and it was getting me down. I think it made me take it out on him too,lash out on him, so we ended up splitting, but now that particular stress is resolved I feel so much better and want to tell him straight away. Its weird, I really want to wish him a happy crimbo, but he'll think I'm just up and down, I ont want him thinking I'm a miserable b***, with no goodwill intent, an angry person, don't want him thinking that. Anyway my mood is so much better, just hope it will stay that way. Ye in grief studies they talk about 'continual bonds theory' also where you keep the person alive, by talking to them without it getting out of hand etc, like setting them a place for dinner etc etc.
What do you do anyway? Were you born in 1950?:)